My little brother was beaten to death when he was 17

My little brother was beaten to death when he was 17…he lived w me before he died….everyday for a year before he died i knew i was going to die everytime i left my house or did anything i would talk to him about what to do when i die…never imagining my feelings were about him he was 16 and then 17…id make jokes about if he died and just be a shit bc we are a goofy family and we were close.

My little brother was beaten to death when he was 17

I had 5 boys as well so he was like my oldest uncomplicated kid…the night it happened i was out w my best friend and was becoming increasingly anxious and angry i knew something was wrong i just needed to go home…my boys said the house started going crazy the lights were on and off and they felt scared they asked the neighbors to look around…after i sat w him at his hospital bed and we buried him.. i got home and my boys were reacting …running around trying to get hurt or feeling like they wanted to die too:( there was no after support and ive never gone thru this so i just figured it was ours to deal with as best we can …anyway philip or phylis i liked to call him bc im his older sister and kind of a dick hahaha…would lean against my back when i was half asleep or play w the volume when listening to music…one night my 12 yr old wasnt home ..again ..i had worked all night and he had been disappearing on me lots in the week i was tired and frustrated…i yelled at my brother to find him and get him home already…shortly after a kids toy flew across the room ( my youngest was 3) and i felt this voice/ energy…get in the van get in the van …over and over really excited energy …told him youd better be right lol it was 130am i drove half a block and saw my son just about to go into his friends house…if id hesitated i wouldnt have found him that night….i have many stories of my brother watching over my kids and me and showing up when i need him….i dont care if ppl look at me like im crazy bc i know like i know my name he is happy and fine…i used to get panic attacks bc he was beaten to death for 60 dollars and a hoodie …but he visited me and we talked and talked in my dream …

he ans all my questions and when i woke up i was so excited it was like i lost 8000lbs …i know he is fine i miss him everyday but it no longer debilitates me