Chapter 1 – Chap 1

An alarm woke me up in a state of confusion. There were many things wrong with this picture.

A) I was fully dressed in day clothes, skirt, t-shirt, even my hair scrunchie and glasses were still on

B) I was laying on top of my blanket not under, as if I has been placed there

Most concerning with my heart pounding and throat tightening with fear and anxiety

C) I didn’t recognize where I was

D) I don’t know who I am

I glanced around the room. A girl was sleeping in the bed next to mine. She was actually under her blanket and not on top like I was. She was fast asleep cuddling two pillows.

A phone and wallet was next to my bed as well as a pill caddy with some red pills inside. I grabbed the phone and looked at it. It was on with a few notifications from an app called GroupMe.

Sophie Mercer wanted to be let in at 2am because she forgot her key.

Quinn Pham said she’d let her in almost 10 minutes later.

These texts didn’t seem important. I put down my phone and looked in the wallet. A college ID was the first thing I saw.

SHARPE

RYLAN

Followed by numbers which I assume was the number for the card.

The photo showed a young woman, her curly hair tied in a bun and glasses partially reflecting the flash. Her head was tilted ever so slightly and her lips bore a small smile.

I got up and walked out of the room. Down the hall was the communal bathroom. I strode towards it with intent and clutching the ID in my hand. I pushed open the door and was faced with a mirror.

The woman from the ID stared back at me, though she looked anxious and frightened and paler than in the picture. Her nose also had blood underneath it. I felt the blood and it was dry. When did I have a nosebleed? I quickly washed it off in the sink and looked myself in the eyes.

“Fuck.” I said, examining every bit of myself that I could. I felt my face, squishing my own cheeks and making various facial expressions in the mirror. I lifted my ponytail up and saw that there was something at the base on the back of my neck. Some kind of scratch., it was really difficult to tell. I made a mental note to look at it later and faced myself in the mirror again.

This was me….

I was this woman….

Why couldn’t I remember?

There was one thought repeating louder in my head.

why why why why why why why why why WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY

Why didn’t I know who I was? Why did I wake up with no memory?

I of course had no answers for myself.

–

I took care this time to look at the names on the doors on my return from the bathroom. It seemed this floor of the dorm was all girls.

I looked at my door the longest. Probably stood there for a good minute or two. Just collecting myself and taking in all the information I knew at this point.

Parker Sanders was my roommate. I was dressed in bed. I am a college student. I am in a dorm building. I know next to nothing.

“Okay Rylan, you’ve got this.” I said to myself.

I opened the door.

“Damn Ry you were out late last night.” Parker said, in the middle of getting out of bed. Her dark hair was frizzy and some sticking up. “Did you enjoy the party, Miss Party Animal?” She laughed and I felt myself blush but I was confused too but had to not let it show on my face.

I apparently was a party animal.

I didn’t feel like a party animal.

“Yeah. You know me. Miss Party Animal.” I said, laughing awkwardly.

“Fuck did you sleep in your clothes?” Her tone switched to concern. “You haven’t changed since last night. Were you drugged? Did some frat boy—”

I shook my head quickly, though I didn’t know. And I couldn’t say that…. unless….

“Parker. I don’t remember last night. Like. At all.”

Her face flashed through many different expressions, concern, fear, and anger.

“Fuck! I told you to go with people you knew better! Like people from the GSA! Not some people you just met in Comm 320. Jesus Christ—” Parker rubbed her head. “Cause your friends in the GSA would have looked after you because they know that—” She sharply inhales and centers herself. “What if a frat boy found out you were trans? You know how much shit you probably would’ve gotten in—” Parker was pacing. “Oh also honey you should take your pills.” She pointed at the red pills which I guess was my estrogen pills.

Parker continued to rant but I was lost in my thoughts as I took the pill.

Did something happen last night at the frat party I went to? Is that why I couldn’t remember anything? Surely if I was just drunk I’d remember more than nothing at all. What was the bloody nose about?

“—Oh my fucking god give me their cell numbers I’m gonna fucking scream at them.” My roommate said picking up her own phone.

I hadn’t even looked at my phone except for when waking up. I wouldn’t know these people’s name’s by just looking at them.

I just looked at my messages hoping the most recent ones were from the people in my Comm 320 class.

There were texts from a groupchat labelled FRAT PARTY GANG

I looked at the names and honestly they weren’t very helpful.

Harriet Smartass from First Row

Josh Jock Bro Himbo

Kelsey(?) Anne(?) Christian Bitch

G

(King) Julian

Was I really so mean that I gave these people such shitty nicknames? Focus Rylan. That is a problem for later.

“Here,” I held out my phone with the groupchat. “Try calling Josh.”

Parker dialed his phone number and together we listened to it ring and ring and ring.

“Yo this is Josh Brock’s phone leave a message at the GO LIONS!”

“You son of a bitch answer your phone!” She shook her phone.

He didn’t pick up the next two times.

I paced around nervously.

The third call he did.

“Yello?” A tired deep voice said.

“Josh, this is Parker Sanders, Rylan Sharpe’s roommate. I want to talk with you about the party yall went to last night. Were any of yall looking after Rylan? You know how she parties. I expect at least one of you chucklefucks kept an eye on her the entire time? Right?”

“Whoa whoa whoa. Let me slow you down. Listen, Rylan is our friend just as much as yours Parker. You need to chill the fuck out.” Parker’s eye twitched and she looked angry but she contained it. “We did look after her. Nothing bad happened to her. We were only at the party for like 4 hours and someone always had an eye on her. And before you say anything about frat boys. She was mostly around the girls. Though when a few boys tried to talk to her she just shook them off. Sure that might have made them pissed but like there were other girls to talk to. Even drunk Rylan was doing her damndest to keep an eye on the other girls there.” Josh said. “You also could count on me to beat the ass of anyone who even tried anything.”

Parker’s lips were pursed. It was clear she wanted to chew him out some more.

“You walked her to the dorm right?”

“Yeah.”

“What time?”

“I don’t know, 4 am? I saw her walk in. What’s all this about? Is she okay?”

“I’m fine.” I said speaking to him for the first time. “Just couldn’t remember last night.”

“Well I’m glad you’re alright Rylan. I don’t see what you’re worked up about Parker.”

My roommate sighed deeply, clearly annoyed.

“Thanks Josh.”

“See you Monday Rylan!” And Parker hung up.

–

I scrolled through my phone.

I had only a handful of apps neatly organized in folders so I could see my background.

Looking at my phone’s lock screen I could tell that it was me and Parker at what looked like a tailgate, we were both holding red solo cups and clinking them together while wearing our Lion’s Pride gear. Guess the mascot of our school was a lion.

My home screen was Parker, arm around me, as we wore pride flags for capes. We were laughing.

I felt bad for not remembering her.

There was a suitably creepy picture for my reddit account. I was in a lot of horror and writing communities. Though I never posted anything.

I had a very limited amount of social media. Snapchat, Instagram, Facebook. That was it. I also have Discord. Other apps I have include Tinder, Bumble, YouTube, Google Drive, Google Docs. There are also apps specifically in a folder labelled with my college’s initials.

My phone’s notes were filled with stories and reminders.

One was just a big miscellaneous note filled with YouTube links, quotes, words, books and songs.

Another was passwords. I now know my phone password which is nice. As well as a billion and a half other passwords. A lot of them repeat. I counted at least three other times I used the one for this reddit account.

In my wallet I found a license. I’m 20. July 17th is my birthday. Probably shouldn’t be drinking. Whoops. There was also a flipbook which has two pictures in it, one of a very cute dog and another of Bob Ross.

There was one thing I didn’t find anywhere though.

My family.

In my photos were Parker and me and others.

I couldn’t find anyone that looked like me or like family.

No contacts either. Though there was an aunt and uncle listed there. Two women who were apparently my cousins judging by text conversations. As far as I can tell that’s my only family that I have contact with. Not even the photos on my desk had any family. Would it be suspicious to ask Parker?

Probably very suspicious.

I don’t know how she would react if I asked her questions about my life that by all means I should know.

Did I have a bad relationship with my family? Did whatever happened to me if someone did this to me cause the contacts to be deleted? Did someone go through my phone? Could I trust everything I was even looking at?

I decided to stop and just do whatever I had to do today work wise. I shouldn’t get so worked up. That would be bad and not solve any issues.

–

As I was writing up everything that happened to me today I saw something out the window. In the courtyard between the dorms. It was a figure shrouded in shadow. I could barely make it out against the light post had it not been casting a shadow. I could feel eyes on me and with a chill up my spine I knew it was looking at me. And then after holding it’s gaze for a while I blinked and it was gone.