Chapter 12

“She drew the line anyway.
Poured the wine.
Smiled like maybe,
Then turned it into no.“

Nathan’s POV

She can’t be real.

Sometimes I think I conjured her up, stitched her together from the ugliest, softest parts of my mind.

The parts that wanted pretty things to play with.

Fuck me, but she’s just too pretty to be real; every little thing about her ticked a box in my list, every minor detail. Every glance, every twitch of her mouth, and every sigh.

In another life, she must’ve been royalty, some cursed little princess, locked up in a castle, and waiting for me.

But wait, what would that make me?

Not the prince, no. God, no.

I’m probably the poisoned apple she’d bitten into. I’m the wolf she was warned about, and still followed into the woods. I’m the spindle that pricked her finger, and then kissed her while she slept. I’m the fire that burned the tower she thought she was safe in.

I am every warning stitched into the pages of her childhood, every don’t-go-there, don’t-trust-him, don’t-touch-that.

And yet, here she is.

My princess was standing in my kitchen, leaning against the marble counter, wearing pink and denim, looking so damn innocent, like something soft I was never meant to touch, and yet I’d already fucked her filthy enough to make her forget she was ever clean.

That goddman simple outfit nearly drove me mad, little jean shorts hugging her ass, and a baby pink top that made her look like she belonged in a field of flowers, not here, not next to me.

Two days have passed since I asked her to be mine, and the silence was louder than the yes she owed me. I didn’t care for labels, not even a little, but she did, so I meant it. I’ll play fucking nice for her. Sweet, safe, and whatever flavor of normal she needs me to be.

If it means keeping her, all of her, just for me, then yes, I can. I can do date nights, road trips, and silly, boring brunches.

She told me that she was still thinking, this teasing little gremlin, and I said I would wait, right after I fucked her against the balcony rail, erasing every inch of her definition of normal sex, or whatever the hell that meant.

Anyway, I had her under my roof now, so I wasn’t complaining, much.

She pressed her elbows on the counter, one foot tucked over the other, head tilted slightly as she eyed the dining table. Her brows pulled together, her suspicion rising, I could practically see the little gears in her head whirring.

“Did you make all this?” she asked, finally looking up at me.

“Aylin,” I said, slowly, “I know I look like a full package, brains, beauty, borderline felony record, but I don’t do kitchen stuff,” I added with a wink, moving closer as I stepped behind her. “My talents tend to shine elsewhere.”

She tried not to roll her eyes. “You could’ve just said no,” she mumbled lowly under her breath, and I kissed the back of her head, my nose buried in silk and jasmine. Hmm. Heaven.

She shook her head with a resigned sigh and looked back at the spread on the table, at the three main courses, two salads, the charcuterie board, some appetizers, and enough wine to make this night all the more entertaining.

“There’s way too much food for two people,” She commented.

I reached for the delicate strap of her top and gently brushed it off her shoulder with two fingers. I lowered my head and pressed a soft kiss to the bite I’ve left there, still red and raw. I kissed it again.

“I said dinner. I didn’t say it’d be just for us two,” I mumbled against her soft skin. She froze and pulled back slightly as I added. “Don’t act surprised that I over-deliver.”

She whirled around in my embrace, her eyes widening slightly, catching up on my words.

I winked, “I tend to over-deliver in many areas, too.”

Her jaw twitched, and her voice dropped. “Nathan…what did you do again?”

I smiled, so innocent and charming. “Come on. Isn’t this what normal people do?” I said. “Double dates, nice food, and wine? Could be fun.”

“Nathan,” She said it in that beautiful whiny sound that makes me hard.

“I swear part of me did all of this just so you’d say my name like that,” I admitted.

She huffed loudly, ignoring my words, “Why did you have to bring me into this again?” she snapped, sexy redness blooming up her neck as she scolded me, “Every time the four of us get into one place, something bad happens. I don’t want this.”

“Nothing will happen.” I shrugged. “I’m being nice and normal these days, remember?”

She shot me a glare and crossed her arms over her chest, “I’m starting to think you don’t know what nice and normal actually mean.”

“What?” I blinked at her. “My friend is moving to another country. So I invited her and her boyfriend for a civilized meal. If that’s not normal, I don’t know what is.”

“Don’t you dare pretend you don’t know who this friend and her boyfriend are to me.”

“Yeah, so?” I asked, because poking the fire is my love language.

A very loud, very dramatic breath flew out of her nose.

“God,” she muttered, her chest heaving with anger, her eyes furious, “No one triggers this specific feeling in me but you.”

My brow lifted. I liked being the exception. “Which feeling?”

“The one that makes me want to scratch your face off with my nails.”

My smile widened, and my eyes gleamed. “Really? Go ahead, I’d love for you to scratch my face.”

Right on cue, the doorbell rang. I let my grin stretch wider, grabbed the delicate strap of her top, and slid it back into place with a gentle touch.

Then I leaned and softly pecked her cheek, “Be a good girl,” I said with a wink. “Our guests are here.”

She let out a low, murderous groan.

“God, I hate you,” she mumbled, and then said it again as I grabbed her wrist and pulled her behind, “I hate you, I hate you,” she kept muttering under her breath like a prayer, like the universe would hear her pleas and save her from me, once and for all.

“You say that now,” I whispered over my shoulder, “but you only mean it when our clothes are on.”

She flashed me that look again, the she’ll-scratch-my-face look, and I blew her a flying kiss.

I opened the door, my frame practically blocking Aylin from view, so when Lilly saw me first, she smiled, totally unaware. She extended forward a tupperware of sorts, “Hey, I made cookies,” She said, ever so childlike, and I smiled back at her innocent enthusiasm.

I accepted the container with reluctance, wincing at old memories, “Ah, yeah, I remember your cookies,” I grimaced.

She chuckled and playfully slapped my arm. “Hey, I’ve gotten better!” she said, her eyes flickering to Chase, who looked like he’d rather be anywhere else but here. “Ask Chase,” She added, ever so proudly.

He looked back at her, his annoyance and irritation fading away almost instantly. He nodded his head with a soft smile reserved only for her. God, I bet he’d say hell is heaven just for her. Barf.

Lilly took a step inside…and that’s when she saw Aylin. Her previous happy, excited smile fell off on reflex. Her eyes shot back to me, and her jaw tightened, “You said she won’t be here,” She hissed lowly, only for me to hear.

I shrugged, “Oh, that, yeah, I tend to lie sometimes,” I said, ever so innocently.

Lilly’s nose flared, her night already ruined. She flashed Aylin a very tight smile before she walked further in, already planning how to end this dinner as fast as possible. Chase followed, his eyes flickering from me to my princess, then back to me, utterly unamused, but also a bit confused, like he was unable to establish the connection she and I shared.

I wanted to scoff. He was like a paper boat, while we were a shipwreck, yet still, we made more sense than she ever did with him.

“Food smells so good,” Lilly mumbled, searching for an excuse as she rested her purse on the couch and wandered toward the dining table, “I am starving.”

I rested her suspicious-looking cookies on the counter before I wrapped an arm around Aylin’s waist and tugged her with me. She tensed like she wanted to resist, which only made me grip her tighter.

“Then, let’s start,” I said, “Before the food gets cold.”

Lilly slid into her seat, and Chase, ever the dutiful saint, pulled the chair for her. She gave him a small, sheepish smile that melted the frown from over his face. I rounded to Aylin and pulled her chair out. She shot me a suspicious look, still not used to the normal, nice version of me. Fair.

Wine was poured after, and food plates got filled. Aylin kept her gaze on her food, on the rim of her glass, like eye contact might detonate something. So, I cut through the quiet. “So, when will you be leaving?” I asked Lilly, sawing into my steak.

“In one week,” she said, pouting as she leaned back. “I don’t feel ready yet.”

At that, Aylin’s eyes flickered up, falling on Lilly, “You’ll be staying in Paris, right?” she asked, her voice soft and gentle, almost like old friends catching up.

Lilly nodded, and Aylin’s mouth curved into a small, reluctant smile. “You always wanted to go and stay in Paris,” she said, a little wistful, like touching an old photograph. The tension around us didn’t vanish, but Lilly’s shoulders loosened a notch.

“Yeah,” Lilly breathed, a spark returning. “Remember when we photoshopped ourselves in front of the Eiffel Tower?”

A low soft laugh slipped past Aylin’s lips, “Oh my god, yes, and Sally lost her mind, she thought we went without telling her.”

“It was worth it,” Lilly grinned.

I topped off their glasses like I was useful and couldn’t help but feel a bit more curious about my princess, about that slice of her life I hadn’t gutted open yet.

I noticed that Chase still hadn’t touched his plate; he only swirled his drink, his eyes drifting between them both as they interacted ever so casually.

“What about you?” I asked, dragging his eyes to me, “What happens when you get there?”

I took a sip of my drink, “Will you clean the dishes as Lilly brings the big bucks home?” I smiled, “Very…pretty man of you,” I added, hoping he’d catch up on the reference.

Aylin kicked my ankle lightly, trying to shush me up before I stir up more trouble. Chase didn’t bite back, didn’t even blink. I hated how he handled me with maturity, makes me want to push him harder till he reaches a breaking point.

He looked at Lilly instead, the corners of his mouth softening, “Well, I’ll wash every dish in the world if it means she gets what she wants,” he said simply. Why does he like to make me gag every time we’re in one place?

Lilly’s face flushed, and she melted into a gooey mess. I rolled my eyes, unable to hide my annoyance any further, I had a soul to protect from this nauseousness.

“As for work,” he added, finally glancing back at me, “I’m staying with my airline.” Fuck, here I thought he’ll get fully disconnected from anything relating to Aylin, “I’ll commute from Paris for a while,” He added.

“Didn’t know that worked,” I grumbled. Didn’t know I’m not rid of you yet.

“We’ve got jump seat agreements, I’ll bid longer international pairings so I’m not bouncing back and forth every three days. Not forever, but it’s doable.” He explained.

I smiled to hide my irritation, although pulling the knife from my steak and throwing it at him felt so fucking appealing all of a sudden, “So very admirable,” I said instead, the edge in my voice barely hidden beneath my smile, “Sacrifice is the pillar of a healthy relationship after all.”

I placed my palm on Aylin’s knee under the table and felt the tiny shiver she pretended not to give me. I turned to her, “Isn’t that right, princess?”

She gulped down her bite, tensing slightly as I leaned closer and pecked her cheek, ever so gently.

When I pulled back, Lilly, bless her inability to read a room, went for the throat. “Okay, but for real now…are you two dating?”

My eyebrow arched at her bluntness, and Aylin’s wine glass paused midair.

“Yes, yes, I’m addressing the elephant in the room,” Lilly added, waving a hand. “Every time we meet, you’re glued together. I’m curious. Sue me. Also, I’m moving to another continent, and I don’t want to miss out on anything.”

Aylin’s neck flushed, soft pink crawling up like shame or rage. I squeezed her thigh tighter, my fingers digging into muscle.

“I don’t know, actually,” I said, not looking at Lilly. My eyes were on her. Always her. “Are we dating, princess?”

She whipped her head to me, glaring at how I placed her right under the spot, and especially in front of them. “Stop calling me that,” She hissed lowly.

I tilted my head so innocently, “Didn’t hear you,” I said in a normal voice, “Stop calling you what?”

There it was, that look. The scratch-my-face, poison-my-tea, burn-down-my-house look. I wanted to frame it, or fuck it out of her. I swear, pushing her buttons has become my all-time favorite hobby, making her squirm and writhe, though I’d prefer she squirms while underneath me, but this could suffice for now.

“So? Are you?” Lilly asked, delightfully persistent, bless her nosy little heart. I might just kiss her forehead if I weren’t too busy trying not to flip this table and fuck Aylin on it until she screams my name.

Lilly took a sip of her wine, her gaze flickering between us with the same giddy energy people get before watching a car crash, and baby, this was going to be a beautiful wreck.

“We are not, no,” Aylin answered, so very defensive, thinking that little no was her safe word.

My fingers curled harder around her thigh, “Then, what are we?” I pushed her again. If she thinks she’ll get off the hook that easily, she’s mistaken. My fingers dug into her skin, nearly bruising, “Because if you’re not mine, then I’ve sure as hell been fucking you like you are.”

Lilly choked on her wine, “Jesus Christ,” She coughed, wine nearly spraying across the table. Chase reached out, rubbing her back like a good little husband-in-training, then he leaned closer and whispered something, probably suggesting they leave, to which Lilly shook her head, more invested than ever.

Aylin’s fiery eyes dug holes in my skin as she glared at me. It was the same look she gave me two nights ago, when I told her every detail of her life like it was my favorite bedtime story, and she tried to kill me for it.

God, I loved this, way too much.

“This is your normal and nice?” Aylin asked, her voice low, only for me, scolding and blaming.

I shrugged, “You left me no choice,” I answered, simple as that.

Her jaw tightened and her eyes narrowed. I wasn’t threatened, not the slightest. If anything, I was turned on. I leaned down and pecked her lips, to which she quickly pulled away, urging me to let go of her thigh and curl my fingers over her chin, keeping her in one place as I rightfully took what’s mine.

Lilly cleared her throat, grabbing our attention back to her, playing the innocent as she asked,  “So, uhm, you’re friends then, I guess?”

“Yes.”

“No,” I said just as Aylin said the right yes to the wrong question.

I looked at her, “Friends, really?” I asked with venom in my smile. I was getting angry now. “Lilly is my friend, but you don’t see me fuc—”

“You’d be wise not to continue that sentence,” Chase’s voice cut through, making me turn to him and remember that he actually existed. I was rather focused on my bratty princess to notice him. His jaw was tight, his eyes hard, a silent threat tucked behind that clean-cut exterior. Adorable. I almost wanted to test it.

Instead, I chuckled, leaning back into my seat, “Don’t worry, Lil knows that I don’t look at her that way, nor do I find her hot or sexy by any means,” I looked at Lilly and winked, “She is not my type.” My type had green eyes and a mouth made for arguing and moaning. My type was sitting next to me and threatening my sanity.

Lilly shot me a hard glare as she backed into her seat, scowling like a kid, “Why does it feel like an insult every time he says that?” She grumbled under her breath.

I gave her my most innocent smile, “Anyway,” I said, grabbing my fork again, “let’s finish dinner…before we move on to dessert.” I looked at Aylin, who was contemplating why she ever let me into her life. I gave her a wink, “I am craving something sweet because.”

Dinner ended in that haze of too much wine, too much tension, and not nearly enough violence. Once over, everyone stood up, and Aylin, being her stubborn, polite self, started gathering the plates. I was beside her in a second, fingers curling around her wrist to stop her. I took the plate from her hand and dropped it back on the table.

“Leave them, you are too pretty to be doing chores as such,” I said, to which she flashed me an incredulous look.

I smiled, then laced my fingers with hers and pulled her away from the table. “There are people for this,” I added, raising her hand to my mouth and pressing a delicate kiss to her knuckles, “You, on the other hand? You belong on thrones, or on my lap, or preferably both.”

She muttered something under her breath that sounded suspiciously like insane, but didn’t resist me as I dragged her along.

We moved to the living room after. Lilly and Chase were already cuddled on the couch, living in their own little world, talking about something; whatever it was, it had Lilly smiling before she edged closer and kissed his cheek. Ugh. Sickening. I almost vomited in my mouth.

I made a beeline to my alcohol cabinet and pulled out a bottle of whiskey. I poured us each a glass of the amber liquid and handed them out. Lilly, on the other hand, like a toddler on sugar crack, sprang up, grabbed her suspicious cookies, and placed them on the coffee table in offering like they weren’t edible grenades.

“Try them,” she said, so excited, I almost felt bad for not throwing them out the window.

I cleared my throat, “How about we play a game,” I suggested, “And whoever loses gets to eat a cookie?”

Lilly shot me a glare and picked one, took a bite, and had the audacity to hum in delight, “Your loss,” She said before she inched it to Chase’s lips, forcing him to take a bite against his will. I might’ve pitied the bastard if I didn’t actively want to stab him with my knife.

Aylin leaned forward and picked up one, hesitant still, so I snatched it from her, “Let me try it first, if I survive, you can risk it,” I said and took my first bite. I’d hate for my princess to die before I get to defile her properly again.

Much to my surprise, the cookie tasted of sweetness and sugar, and not of drywall and stones like last time.

Shocking, really.

I chewed, slowly, suspiciously, waiting for the aftertaste of regret to kick in.

It didn’t.

Huh.

I looked at the half-eaten thing in my hand, “It’s…edible,” I muttered. “Worse. It’s actually good. I feel violated.”

Lilly beamed, so very happy. I edged the rest of my cookie to Aylin’s mouth, watched her lips wrap around it for a bite, and I forgot how to swallow. Suddenly, the cookie wasn’t the only thing sweet and sinful in this room. Damn.

Lilly, oblivious, curled up cross-legged on the couch, basking in the praise. Chase was at her side, annoyed and eternally composed. Aylin, though…my princess leaned into me. She always does that whenever I’m close. I don’t think she realizes it, like her body knows it belongs here, curled into me.

I wrapped an arm around her shoulders and tucked her even closer, just to make sure she didn’t forget that she was still mine, even after that no she said. She relaxed into me, foolishly, and I picked up my drink.

I raised my glass, “To friendship,” I said, my dark tone enough to make her tense in my arms. I smiled; my princess can’t have two consecutive seconds of peace with me. Poor her.

Lilly rolled her eyes and raised her glass. “To Paris,” she chirped. Chase followed, pecking her cheek as he said, “And to new beginnings.”

Aylin muttered under her breath, “To regretting this dinner.“

I chuckled and kissed her hair before I took a sip of my drink. The whiskey hit my throat and burned all the way down. I felt it coil in my chest, then pump inside my veins. Lilly, meanwhile, downed her glass like it was apple juice. She was such a lightweight, and I knew it. I planned for it, even.

So, after her second glass and all the wine from dinner, “Let’s play a game,” she blurted, already tipsy and gleeful, her eyes happy and hazy.

She bounced on the couch multiple times, poor Chase had to physically pull her back. He kept his arm locked around her, prohibiting her from falling down on her face.

My lips twitched. “Which game?”

She blinked, thinking it through, “Umm, how about never have I ever?”

Aylin shot her a silly look, “We’re not twelve.”

“Exactly!” Lilly said, “Which is why it’ll be more fun.”

“Okay then, you start,” I said, swirling my glass. I already knew this would go downhill, and god, I was looking forward to the crash.

She clapped her hands once and sat up cross-legged. “Never have I ever…” she dragged the words out like a tease, tapping her chin, “…been arrested.”

The four of us looked at each other when no one drank, then their eyes zeroed in on me.

I shrugged. “What? Never been arrested.”

“Should I have been?” I added. “Absolutely. Which says less about me and more about the incompetence of the legal system.”

Lilly rolled her eyes before she looked at Aylin, “Your turn.”

Aylin’s eyes flickered from Lilly and settled on me, “Never have I ever been stalked before,” she said sweetly, lifting her drink and taking a slow sip, referring to how I have carved my name into every page of her privacy.

I grinned and drank as well. I’ve had my fair share of unhinged stalkers, too. Lilly looked thoughtful for a second, then shrugged and drank. Chase sighed and drank his glass as well.

“Well, would you look at us,” I said with a low mocking chuckle, “A bunch of healthy people.”

“Okay, okay, my turn again,” Lilly chirped, probably fully drunk now, her mind operating at the speed of very poor decisions. “Never have I ever…slept with the two men in this room.”

Dead silence.

Aylin stiffened beside me. Chase ran a hand over his face, muttering what was probably a prayer to any god still listening.

Aylin blinked once, twice, then sighed like she was on the verge of sending herself to hell. She grabbed her glass, harsher than usual, and downed it.

Lilly’s eyes fell on me after, and I flashed her a knowing look, one that promised fire. I picked up my drink and lit the match, “Never have I ever had sex on a plane,” I said before I drank my shot. Aylin didn’t hesitate and followed suit. My beautiful partner in crime.

Lilly’s eyes widened slightly, they flickered between us, shocked but also a bit amused.

My eyes were only on Chase, watching the way his fingers twitched, as if to reach for the glass, but he hesitated, the good-boy act slipping for just a second. I fucking knew it.

“I thought we were being honest here,” I said, letting the bait hang like a noose.

His eyes drifted to me, and he shot me a hard glare, like he wanted to punch me, very much aware of what I was doing, of what I kept doing to him. His jaw flexed as he picked up his glass and drank, proving my assumptions right.

Lilly’s eyes widened, and the color drained from her face at what that meant. Her entire soul left the room. I think she is going to faint. God, I was having the time of my life. Tonight is just so much fun, isn’t it?

She gulped and sobered up instantly, the truth hitting her like a bullet. Her legs dropped from the couch, feet planting on the floor like she needed something solid to hold her steady. “I think we should leave,” she mumbled, her voice so small.

“Oh, come on, Lilly, don’t be a prude,” I said, poking the matchstick right back into the flame. “How many times did I walk in on you and Christian in public places?”

Boom.

I barely got the words out before Chase snapped.

He moved so quickly. The coffee table tipped, the glasses shattering like gunfire. That’s when I felt his hand curling over my shirt, pulling me up before I was slammed against the wall, breath knocked out of me.

Finally. Fucking finally.

“Don’t think I don’t know what you’re doing,” he snarled, his voice low and ragged with fury. “What you always do, every fucking time we’re in one place.”

I smiled.

Because how could I not?

There it was. His trigger. This is how he ticks. I just figured out his breaking point. Fucking nice.

“I will give you ten seconds to take your hand off me before I do something about it,” I said, ever so nicely and calmly. I am even generous. Ten seconds? He should thank his god.

“Nathan,” Lilly shot out in warning, getting closer as if to stop me from doing something.

I tilted my head, watching her from the corner of my eye. “Lil, sweetheart, control your boyfriend. As you can see, I’m being perfectly civil.”

I saw her rest her hand over his arm, she said something, urging him to let this go, and Chase, surprise, surprise, listened. He released me with a shove that wasn’t necessary but absolutely expected. This fucker. I adjusted my shirt, smoothed it down with a smile.

Without another word, he turned, grabbed Lilly’s wrist, and stormed toward the door, practically dragging her along. She tried to stop him, but he wasn’t listening to reason. The door slammed behind them, and then came silence.

My eyes drifted to Aylin, who was standing on the side, her stunned gaze drifting from the hallway to the broken glass next to her. She huffed out lowly before she leaned down as if to pick up the pieces.

I was at her side in a breath, my hand wrapping around her wrist. I plucked the glass from her fingers and let it fall back to the floor with a clink. “Don’t touch it,” I grated out.

I tugged her upright and away from the mess he made, “But someone could step on it…” she murmured, and I shook my head, “I’ll take care of it,” I said.

Her eyes lifted to mine, a bit of blame swirled in that green I worshipped like gospel. “Did you really have to do that?”

I nodded, “Yeah,” I said.

She shook her head in resignation, like she had given up on questioning my methods. Her throat bobbed slightly, her eyes searching mine, waiting for the storm, “And…are you going to comment on that?”

Clearly, she expected me to get angry, but I was playing my version of nice and normal. So instead, I reached up, brushing her hair back, tucking it behind her ear, “No,” I murmured, “because I know I made you come harder in those ten minutes than he ever did in your entire relationship.”

She wanted to huff and puff at my words, but she was so used to me by now. She tried not to smile, oh, she tried, but her lips gave her away, curving just the slightest bit. My blood calmed, and my chaos quieted. Without thinking, I leaned down and stole a kiss from her delicious lips.

“So…” I whispered against her mouth. “We’re friends, huh?”

She groaned, the sound crawling up her throat like she regretted everything. “You put me on the spot. What was I supposed to say? Fuck-buddies?”

My brow arched, amused and delighted. My hand slid down her arm. Touching her had become my addiction, “I asked you to be my girlfriend, remember?” I said, like it was so casual.

She shrugged, “Yeah, but I haven’t decided yet.”

My grip on her hip tightened just enough to make her breath catch. “Then let me help you decide.”

She shook her head and took a step back, purposely breaking contact, “No, Nathan, see, this is why I don’t want us to have a relationship,” Ouch, “You want this for all the wrong reasons, so I think it’s better if we keep it just physical, because let’s be honest…you don’t like me.”

What. The actual. Fuck.

“Of course, I fucking like you,” I shot back.

She crossed her arms, “No, you only like having sex with me, there is a difference.”

What the hell is she talking about?

“Where is this coming from now?”

She stepped back like I might bite, and leaned against the counter like she needed it to hold her up. Her jaw was tight, her voice…too calm.

“I won’t deny I like this,” she said. “This…thing we have. It’s insane, and messy, and it takes my mind off the rest of the world. It’s my escape.”

She paused, and I hated how much she meant it.

“But if we make this a relationship, everything’s going to change.” Her arms crossed tighter. “And I can’t keep making the same mistakes over and over again, so let’s just keep doing it this way, no feelings, and no attachments. There is no need to complicate it.”

My jaw ticked. I was trying, really fucking trying, not to blow this up. “Are you seriously saying no to this?”

She nodded, “Yeah, because let’s face it, Nathan, you don’t know how to do a relationship.”

My eyebrow arched, “What’s so fucking hard about having a relationship?” I shot out, “I think you are the one complicating it.”

She shook her head, a slow, stubborn thing, still clinging to the imaginary line she drew between us.

I wasn’t done.

“Then tell me,” I pressed, “what exactly does a relationship look like to you? Because I already said I’d do it your way. I said I’d try the nice normal and whatever-the-fuck else people do.”

I took a breath, sharp through my nose. “What more do you want?”

She exhaled, like I wore her down even when I didn’t touch her. “Why are you even willing to do that?”

“Because I want to.”

Her eyes narrowed slightly. “Why do you want to?”

My patience cracked. “Why does there need to be a fucking reason?” I snapped, louder than I meant.

Her throat bobbed. Her hand rose to her opposite arm, rubbing over it like it stung, and that’s when I saw it. Something bloomed up there, purple and pink, like a fading bruise. I moved closer so quickly, my fingers wrapped around her wrist, and I pulled her arm gently, watching it up close.

“What’s this?”

She startled, looked down as if she just remembered it, and shook her head like it was nothing, “I probably bumped into something. I bruise easily.”

I shot the bruise a glare, and my thumb brushed over the softness there, too gentle for what I felt, “Why are you always bruised?” I wanted to scold her for being so foolish, “Are you that clumsy? Do you not watch where you are going?” I added, addressing her strained ankle from the other day.

She shot me a glare at my tone and pulled her arm back, “It’s nothing.”

I glared at her because she was driving me mad now, “Let’s circle back to our main topic,” I said, persistent as ever.

She huffed and puffed, “Nathan, I said what I said.”

I shook my head, “Yeah, and I don’t like when I don’t get what I want.”

Her hand dragged over her forehead like I was a migraine she couldn’t kill. “This is exactly why. You keep saying you’ll do nice and normal, but look at tonight…at what you did.”

“Don’t pretend you didn’t like it.” I leaned in, “Don’t act like a big part of you didn’t love how I pushed his buttons, and how I exposed that to her.”

Her mouth opened, ready to protest, to deny, but I cut her off.

“You keep preaching this fantasy of normal and nice,” I said. “But you’re not normal either, Aylin. You pretend to be, you want to be, but you never were. It’s why you like this thing we have, and it’s why I’m so fucking obsessed.”

“If you really wanted normal and gentle, you would’ve not let me into your life in the first place.”

I reached out, brushing a knuckle down her jaw, dragging it slowly to her throat, “Do you really want to know why I want this?”

She gulped down and nodded her head.

“It’s because I want the parts of you, you’re too scared to touch,” I said, “The rage, the ruin, the mess. The real you. I want the girl who snarled when I read her life out loud, who scratched at my chest like she wanted to rip herself out of me. The one who kissed me like revenge and moaned like she’d never been good a day in her life.”

My lips ghosted her temple. “I want your nightmares. I want your bad thoughts. I want the part of you that’s too wrong for this world.”

She didn’t speak.

Her chest rose and fell too fast.

I smiled against her skin.

“That’s what a relationship is to me,” I whispered.

I edged back, just enough to catch her eyes, green and wild and mine. She stared too long, like she was still absorbing every fucked-up word I said. Like the civil war between who she was and who I made her feel she could be had just started all over again; the part of her that wanted normal and the one that ached for chaos.

But then, her voice, quiet and wrecked, threaded into the space between us.

“But a relationship also means…” Her throat worked, like it pained her to speak. “You could never—” her voice caught, “never look at any other girl.”

Ah.

There it was. The real reason why she is so scared of this.

“I haven’t looked at another girl since I fucked you on that plane.”

Her eyes widened just a bit, shocked.

“Really?”

I nodded. “Yeah. What did you expect?”

“I don’t know…” she murmured, eyes flicking away. “I thought you did.”

I reached for her again, fingers brushing the strap of her top, ghosting over the bite, “I am not him, Aylin,” I leaned closer and brushed a kiss to her shoulder, “I am way too obsessed with you to look or think of another girl.”

I kissed the mark softly, deliberately, feeling her body tense and melt at the same time, and maybe I was about to do it again, maybe I was about to bite her until her soul remembered who it belonged to, but she shoved at my chest lightly, breath hitching.

“Why do you keep biting me?” she scolded, playfully. “Are you a dog?”

I looked up at her, my smirk curling. “More like a wolf.”

She rolled her eyes, but the corner of her lips twitched.

“My dad used to call me that, you know,” I said before I could stop myself. “His little wolf.”

She blinked, caught off guard by the softness in my voice. Her frown eased into something gentler. “That’s…actually adorable.”

I raised an eyebrow. Adorable?

She smiled, “You’ve never told me anything about your parents before,” she murmured, astonished by the fact that I voluntarily addressed something about me.

She tilted her head, eyes trying to read the silence and the calmness behind my stare. Her shoulders relaxed, feeling safer now, so I urged her, “Anything else you want to know?”

“Is he…still alive?” she asked, carefully.

I shook my head. “No.”

Her lips parted. “And your mother?”

“Also dead,” I said, “Even before I met her.”

Her breath caught, and guilt laced her expression like she’d stepped on something sharp. “I’m…I’m sorry.”

I shrugged. “It was a long time ago.”

She kept staring at me, like if she looked long enough, she’d decode the devil that lives behind my eyes, like if she stayed still enough, the beast wouldn’t bite. I wanted to tell her that it’s already got its teeth in you.

“Can I have more time to think?” she mumbled.

I nodded, “Yeah, sure.”

She relaxed, just a fraction, prolonging the inevitable. My girl’s so good at denial, it’s almost cute.

“But we’re still on for Rome this weekend, right?” I asked, pretending to give her a choice, “Think of it as a test. If I pass…” I smiled, “you won’t have a choice but to say yes.”

Her eyes narrowed suspiciously. “Does it really have to be there?”

I nodded. “Yeah. I need to show you my Italian heritage.”

She blinked. “What?”

I only winked in return. She sighed and muttered something under her breath that sounded dangerously like insane, and glanced down at her watch. “My flight’s tomorrow early morning. I should head home.”

“Or,” I said, already hating the idea of her leaving, “you could stay here.”

She shook her head immediately. “No. Until I make a decision, we’re not having sex.”

“Hey!” I frowned, “I didn’t agree to that.”

Her lips curved into the kind of smug, satisfied smile that made me want to drag her straight to the counter and ruin her pride with my mouth.

“If you want to prove this is more than physical,” she said, sweet as a fucking razor, “then no sex.”

Don’t bend her over the counter, Nathan. Don’t fuck that arrogance out of her. Breathe.

In.

Out.

Fucking awful.

“Fine,” I grumbled. “Let me drive you home then. It’s late.”

Thankfully, she didn’t argue about that and allowed me to take her to her place. When we arrived, she was ready to get out of the car, hand already on the door handle, when I grabbed her wrist and pulled her back with a bit of force.

She turned to me, ready to protest, to scold, to lay down another one of her absurd little rules, but before a single syllable could slip from those lips, I crashed my mouth onto hers. Hard, desperate, and violent in its tenderness.

She forbade sex. Fine. But she didn’t say a word about kisses. And if I couldn’t bury myself inside her to calm this storm, I’d pour it into her mouth instead.

I kissed her like I was trying to swallow the chaos she gave me, like her lips were the only place I could breathe. I kissed her like punishment and worship, like threat and promise.

Her fingers fisted the front of my shirt, pulling me in before she could think better of it. God, I wanted to tell her that this was what she did to me, how she turned my restraint into firewood and dared me to burn.

When I finally pulled away, both our chests were heaving.

“Was that against the rules?” I murmured, my voice low, rough. “Because I’ve got a real problem with following orders.”

She blinked, dazed, lips swollen, breath uneven. Beautiful. Wrecked. I needed her to be only mine, just for me to play with, no one else.

She rolled her eyes, pushing me back, but her cheeks were red, and her hands were still clutching my shirt.

“Goodnight, Nathan.”

I leaned closer again, brushing my nose against hers. “Sleep tight, princess.”

She slipped out of the car before I could change her mind. I stayed parked until I saw the lights flick on in her window.

My fingers itched, so I pulled out my phone and opened her chat.

Me: Dream of me. I’ll be dreaming of you, for sure.

One second later, her response came.

Princess: Go home and sleep, you wolf *grey heart*

Fuck, not again.

Me: *red heart*

Princess: *grey heart*

I stared at that cursed grey heart for a long minute, like it personally offended me. I groaned in annoyance and tossed my phone in the passenger seat. Sleep wasn’t happening anytime soon, not when my veins were still humming with her, so instead of driving home, I took a different turn.

Once arrived, I went down, walked to her building, knocked lightly, and waited. A few seconds later, the door cracked open, and Lilly’s face peeked out, her hair seemed wet from a recent shower, her expression instantly twisted into annoyance and anger.

She narrowed her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest.

“What do you want?” she grumbled, still salty.

“Are you mad?” I asked, pretending I didn’t already know the answer.

She nodded. “Very.”

“I didn’t mean to hurt you, really,” I mumbled and pushed my hand into my front pocket.

She rolled her eyes and looked away, so I asked, “Where is your perfect boyfriend?”

She shot me a glare, “He’s taking a shower.”

“Are you two okay?” I asked.

She nodded her head, “We are,” She mumbled, “Sometimes we forget or…pretend to forget that there is this whole portion of our lives that didn’t include one another,” She sighed, “We are trying to make our peace with it.”

“So, you’re really leaving next week?”

She nodded, then her eyes narrowed, “You didn’t cause that trainwreck of a dinner to sabotage me, did you?”

I lifted one shoulder. “Maybe I did.”

“You asshole.” She said it with a gasp.

“You love me,” I replied easily.

Her brow rose. “Why don’t you want me to leave?”

“You’re my friend,” I said, quieter than I meant to. “I don’t have many of those.”

Her frown softened, and she shifted on her feet, “You can come visit, you know,” She suggested.

“I will,” I said. “Preferably when your lover boy isn’t around.”

She slapped my arm playfully, “You are the one who keeps on provoking him. He didn’t do anything.”

“He hurt her a lot. I don’t like him.”

Lilly’s eyebrow raised, “She isn’t all innocent, you know?”

I nodded, “I do, and I don’t care.”

She shook her head with a sigh, “Okay, leave, come on. I don’t want another fight to erupt now.”

I stepped forward before she could slam the door in my face and pulled her into my arms.

“What the hell…let go of me—”

“I would really go in and kill him, so shut up and hug me,” I mumbled into her hair. She punched my back, but she relaxed into me all the same.

“Make sure he takes good care of you, or I’m coming for him,” I muttered and broke the hug, tapping her head like the annoying brother I never got to be.

She shoved me back playfully and rolled her eyes. “He will. You just stay away from him.”

I nodded with a smile and was about to leave when she spoke, “I think you like her…a lot.” I stopped and looked back at her, “So just go for it, and don’t mess it up.”

Her eyebrow raised, “But I gotta warn you, she is not normal,” She said, then she exhaled, “Who am I kidding, you are not normal either, you are like a match made in hell.”

My smile widened, “Exactly.”

I wanted to leave, but my curiosity itched, and the question scratched at my throat. “Why would you say that, though?” I asked, digging deeper, “That she is not normal.”

I could clearly see it in my princess’s eyes. My chaos in cotton candy. My ticking bomb wrapped in pink. I see it in her eyes, every damn day, but I don’t think anyone else does.

She wears sanity like perfume; she pulls the act of normalcy so fucking professionally. True, she hasn’t fully lost it with me yet, but I am waiting patiently for the day she does.

Lilly’s brows pinched slightly, “I don’t know, but I always felt like there was something not right with her,” She explained, “I just…I could never put my finger on it.”

She seemed to be recalling old memories, “Sometimes…sometimes she’d go really quiet when no one else noticed.” She wrapped her arms around herself. “It always felt like she was somewhere else,” Lilly shook her head, her lips curled up in thought, “Like she was performing normal, instead of being it.”

She sighed, “I never really knew where she went when she disappeared inside her head. I just knew it wasn’t somewhere safe,” She shrugged, “So I never looked deep enough.”

I wanted to smile, because I had looked.

I’ve seen the cracks.

And I swear on my fucked-up heart, one day I’ll watch her fall apart, just to be the one who puts her back together.

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Don’t forget to vote and comment. Love you all *grey heart*