Chapter 43

“If her mind breaks,
I will gather the pieces.
If the curse rises,
I will become worse than it.“

Nathan’s POV

Aylin hadn’t said a word since she woke up, not a single one.

She was sitting beside me now, or rather…she existed beside me.

Her shoulder leaned against the passenger door, her forehead resting against the cold glass as the world slipped past the window in blurred streaks of gray and asphalt.

My eyes stayed on her. They’d been on her for most of the drive.

Adam could’ve crashed the car into a tree ten minutes ago, and I probably wouldn’t have noticed.

She looked…wrong.

Not broken in the way she does during an episode. I knew that version of her far too well, the distant eyes, the way she disappears somewhere I can’t follow.

This wasn’t that.

She was here.

Just quiet…too quiet, like someone had taken all the light inside her and turned it down to the lowest setting.

When she opened her eyes this morning, she didn’t panic, didn’t cry, didn’t even ask questions.

She just stared at her hand, at her burned fingertips, all red and slightly swollen even though I’d spent half the night applying ointment all over them.

She studied them for a long time, like examining evidence at a crime scene.

Then she lowered her hand…and that was it.

I tried feeding her before we left the cabin, but she didn’t accept, just shook her head silently. So I told Adam to stop and get her that ridiculous swamp drink she loves, but she hadn’t touched it. The cup sat abandoned in the holder beside her leg.

I leaned back slightly in my seat, studying her again.

Her expression wasn’t empty; it was thoughtful, dangerously thoughtful, her mind was digging through the graveyard of her past, brushing dirt off bones that should’ve stayed buried.

My fingers tapped once against my knee, twice, slowly, three times, measured.

You see, there are two kinds of people in this world. Those who survive monsters, and those who hunt them.

I had been both.

The first one made sure I became the second.

So, this Riley, wherever the hell she was, just made the very unfortunate mistake of introducing herself to me.

If she’s the ghost haunting Aylin’s head…well, that makes her my problem now, and guess what, I’m a very creative problem solver.

My thoughts took a pause when Adam parked the car in my driveway, the engine dying beneath us. Aylin didn’t even blink. She kept staring ahead like she hadn’t noticed we’d stopped, like the world could keep moving without her and she wouldn’t protest.

I reached forward, resting my hand over her thigh.

“Aylin?”

She blinked.

Her eyes drifted to me, then slowly to the window as realization settled in.

Without a word, she curled her fingers around the handle, pushed the door open, and stepped out. I got down after her, coming to her side.

Her gaze flickered to my house, then back to me, her brows tightening slightly. “My car…was still on the road, I…” she said, the first words she’d spoken all morning.

“I already took care of it,” Adam said as he climbed out of the driver’s seat. “I left it by your place.”

Her eyes moved to him, and her lips twitched, the movement faint but unmistakably grateful.

“Thank you,” she whispered.

His mouth curved into a small, soft smile as he shook his head.

I shot him a glare…the fuck?

He caught it, and his smile dropped immediately, vanishing in the span of a second. He cleared his throat and looked away like a man who valued his life expectancy.

Aylin barely noticed our silent war. She had already started walking toward the door, too drained, too dimmed down.

I turned back to Adam and made sure to drive my fist straight into his shoulder, sending his body slamming into the side of the car. The nerve on this fucker.

“What the—” he grumbled, straightening as he shot me an incredulous look, clutching his shoulder.

I kept glaring at him so he’d remember his fucking limits. He sighed, “Christian’s inside, by the way,” he said, changing the subject on purpose, “He’s kind of angry.”

I rolled my eyes. Great, just what I needed.

I shot Adam one last glare before I followed Aylin toward the house, unlocking the door and letting her in.

The second we stepped into the hallway, my dearest friend made his presence known. I heard his footsteps first, fast and murderous. Then I felt him before I even saw him. His fingers curled into the lapels of my jacket before I could even greet him, and he slammed me back against the wall.

“You’re such a fucking prick, you know that?” he shot out.

Now listen…

Do I deserve that? Possibly. But in my defense, the situation required a little creativity. I had to make my princess believe I was in danger. So maybe Adam slightly exaggerated when he called Christian. Maybe he told him I was about to be killed. Maybe Christian panicked and got on the first plane like a dramatic lunatic who values my life far too much.

But the important part?

It worked.

I knew Christian would call my princess right away. I counted on it, actually.

And what happened next? Aylin came to rescue me, exactly as planned.

See?

Strategic brilliance, and no one even died.

A huge success, if you ask me.

Christian’s eyes moved across my face now, catching the cut on my lip, the bruise along my temple, and jaw, studying me closely.

His brows pulled together, and his hand moved, it gripped my chin harshly, shoving my head back so he could inspect the damage. The rage that tore through his eyes was unstoppable, an instinct of sorts.

You see, Christian couldn’t stand seeing me hurt, even on the many days he wanted to kill me himself.

And truthfully, the feeling was mutual. I couldn’t handle seeing him hurt either, though killing him had never technically been removed from the list of possibilities.

It was simply the nature of our friendship. Years together will do that to people. The thing is, we’d seen each other at our worst, bled beside one another, promised, once upon a miserable time, that when the world inevitably turned to shit, we’d still have each other.

Which meant he was allowed to murder everyone else, just not me. I was also allowed to kill absolutely anyone I pleased…except him, unfortunately.

I hate when my mayhem comes with restrictions.

Eventually, he released my face and turned to Aylin, his eyes darkening.

“You know what,” he started, voice burning with fury, “you and your family are starting to play on my fucking nerves—”

He didn’t get to finish his words as I shoved him away hard enough to make him stumble back a step.

“Hey,” I snapped, my voice dropping into something far less patient. “Measure your fucking words when you talk to her.”

Sure, I cared about the wanker, but my princess came first, always.

Aylin’s already dimmed eyes dropped to the floor, almost in shame and guilt, and just like that, my murderous impulses toward Christian resurfaced. I was going to make him breathe his last today.

The asshole exhaled sharply and ran a hand through his hair. “Next time, leave me out of your fucking games,” he grumbled. Then he turned around and walked away before I could test how durable his skull actually was.

My jaw ticked, and I fought my first instinct, the one that urged me to rush after him, slam his head into a wall, break his skull, and watch him bleed for a while—a tempting idea, very tempting.

Instead, I turned to Aylin and stepped closer, my hand reaching her arm gently. “Don’t listen to him,” I said quietly. “I’ll break his fucking head before he dares talk to you like that again.”

Aylin shook her head slowly and lifted her eyes to mine. “It’s okay, it’s not like he’s wrong.”

“He is wrong,” I said immediately. “Christian is the human definition of wrong. If wrongness had a mascot, it would be him.”

She shook her head again, “He is just worried about you, I get it, so don’t…don’t fight with him because of me.”

Before I could properly outline the many creative ways I intended to ruin Christian’s day or week, a small furry gray missile came sprinting down the hallway.

She usually would launch herself at me like I was the chosen one, but today, she skidded to a stop beside Aylin’s leg and started sniffing her—the traitor.

Aylin’s eyes fell on her, and for once, she didn’t flinch away. Instead, her features relaxed, and then she cautiously crouched down next to Luna. She hesitated before lifting her hand, her fingers still tense like she expected the creature to explode or bite her.

Then she gently brushed the top of Luna’s head.

“Hey, you,” she whispered softly. “I kind of missed you.”

Luna’s eyes melted into pleased little slits.

The ungrateful beast immediately headbutted Aylin’s palm like she’d just been reunited with her long-lost soulmate. She leaned harder into Aylin’s hand, purring like a tiny engine.

Then, apparently deciding this was the beginning of a beautiful friendship, she edged closer, preparing to climb into Aylin’s lap.

My princess let out a startled yelp and scrambled back half a step.

“Okay…no, not that much,” she squeaked, still visibly creeped out.

I crouched down beside them, grabbing Luna before she could escalate her invasion of personal space.

My hand curled around the fluffy menace and pulled her toward me. She meowed in protest. Apparently, she preferred Aylin now. Which, frankly, I wasn’t entirely against. I couldn’t blame her. My princess was one of a kind.

Still, some loyalty would’ve been appreciated.

“Wow,” I muttered dryly, glaring at the traitor in my arms. “I raise you, feed you, house you, and this is how you repay me? Betrayal, the second a prettier option appears.”

Luna ignored me completely and stretched her neck toward Aylin again. My princess hesitated before crouching a little closer again, brushing Luna’s head more carefully this time.

The little devil immediately melted into the attention.

“Am I becoming the third wheel in this relationship?” I muttered, narrowing my eyes at the two of them. “Because I don’t like it. Fix this immediately, or I’m throwing her out.”

Aylin let out the faintest laugh, shaking her head at my dramatics.

The sound was small, barely there, but enough to loosen the tight knot that had been sitting in my chest all morning. God, why can’t she just laugh like that all the time? If I could, I’d take every demon in her head and drag them into mine, lock them there, and chain them up with the rest of the monsters I already carry.

Let them tear through me instead.

I’m used to surviving darkness.

She shouldn’t have to.

I kissed Luna’s head and lifted her slightly so she was facing Aylin. “See this beautiful woman?” I told the furry menace. “That’s your surrogate mother. You might’ve forgotten her since she abandoned us for a while.”

Aylin’s eyebrow rose slowly. “I didn’t abandon you,” she told the little gremlin, her eyes flickering briefly to mine, slightly lighter now, slowly letting go, “But your…father wouldn’t have given me custody. He’s a tad too possessive of his things.”

“That’s true, a very impressive deduction on your part,” I said, nodding my head in agreement. “I don’t know how to share.”

Her lips twitched, “You’re such a spoiled kid.”

I shrugged, “My father spoiled me, what can I do?”

She shook her head at me, and before she could say more, Luna used our distraction and jumped, climbing halfway into Aylin’s lap, and settling there.

My princess froze.

She gulped.

“…What do I do now?” she whispered.

I leaned my elbow on my knee and watched the scene with great satisfaction. Luna lowered her head, curling into Aylin’s lap, finally finding the exact spot the universe designed for her. Her eyes slid shut, her tiny body melting into the warmth.

My lips tilted higher. “She takes after me,” I said. “Look at her, completely happy the moment she’s wrapped up in you.”

Aylin looked down again at the tiny creature, “She’s…heavy,” she murmured.

“She weighs, what, three pounds?”

“That’s still…heavy when you’re emotionally unprepared.”

I chuckled under my breath at this crazy girl of mine.

Slowly, almost cautiously, her body began to relax when she realized Luna was harmless. The stiffness that had been clinging to her since this morning started to loosen.

She lifted her hand and gently scratched behind Luna’s ear, and the tiny gremlin practically dissolved into the bestest sleep of her short-lived life.

“She’s so adorable,” Aylin whispered, tilting her head slightly, a soft smile touching her lips.

“In that,” I muttered, “she takes after you.”

Her eyes lifted and fell on me, and my god, the green in them was so light now, like early spring sunlight filtering through leaves after a long winter.

It was a dangerous color, because it made a man like me think about things.

Stupid things.

Hopeful things.

Her hair had fallen loose around her shoulders, slightly messy, a few strands slipping across her cheek.

She brushed one back absentmindedly.

Fuck, everything about her hit like a punch to my aching heart. The curve of her mouth, the softness in her voice, the pale delicacy of her skin. My princess always looked like that…like someone made of sharp edges, trying very hard to be gentle with the world.

She was so soft at times, a fragile thing pretending it wasn’t standing in the middle of a battlefield.

And I was the battlefield.

Sometimes I looked at her and wondered how the hell I hadn’t broken her yet, or worse…what if I already had?

What if all of this was my own doing?

My gaze lingered on her longer than it probably should have.

Her eyes caught mine, and a faint pinkish hue rushed to her cheeks, finally giving her pale face some color. “Stop looking at me like that,” She muttered.

“You know…you are so beautiful that sometimes it hurts to look at you,” I said quietly, the words slipping out before I could cage them.

Her throat bobbed slightly. “Why…would it hurt?”

“Because every time I look at you,” I said, “I start thinking about what I’d do if I ever lost you.”

My words hit her somewhere deep. It had her tensing up, and the fragile calm in her eyes shifted that even Luna felt it. She stretched lazily, hopped off Aylin’s lap, and wandered away like she’d decided this conversation was far above her pay grade.

Aylin barely noticed the cat; her attention stayed solely on me.

“If I lost you, how would I even live?” I asked because I genuinely had no answer.

The truth was simple. I couldn’t picture it. There was no version of the future in my head where she didn’t exist. That timeline simply…didn’t compute.

“Nathan,” she murmured, as if trying to shut a door before the storm got inside. “Don’t…”

She stood up slowly, and I followed. Her eyes flickered across my face before she shook her head slightly. “Don’t say that.”

“But it’s the truth, without you, I wouldn’t live, Aylin,” I said.

“I’d rather die a million times than lose you, princess. I feel like I’ve existed this long just so our roads could collide, that they always were meant to, somehow, for some reason. Because nothing—nothing in my entire life has ever felt like this.”

Her eyes grew glassy, but I really had to say it all out loud. I didn’t want her to entertain the idea that she could leave me again, because after last night, I could sense it, her head weaving plans, testing options, wanting to be away so she’d never hurt me again. I knew her all too well.

“You know those people you call my family? I’d rather lose every single one of them if it meant I could keep you forever.” I was ready to sacrifice everyone and everything for her. Was she aware of that?

I was ready to burn every bridge behind me if she was standing on the other side. Did she understand the scale of the destruction I was perfectly willing to cause in her name?

“I want you to understand something,” I continued, stepping a little closer. “You will always come first to me, you will always be my priority, and no one, nothing will ever come before you.”

She blinked, and the motion dislodged a tear that slipped from the corner of her eye and rolled slowly down her cheek.

I lifted my hand before I even thought about it, my thumb brushing the droplet away.

She stared up at me, so confused, a part of her genuinely unable to process the idea that someone could feel this way about her, “No one ever told me that.”

My mouth tilted slightly. “Good, because only I get to feel like that about you.”

Her head shook slowly, disbelief written all over her face.

“Why is it…why is it that no matter what I do, you don’t flinch away?” She whispered, “Why do you never get repulsed by me?”

Her gaze searched mine, desperate for something that made sense. “I’m not normal, not even a little. Anyone else would’ve run away by now, but you only pull me closer every time, Nathan. Why? I don’t…I just don’t get it.”

My thumb brushed her jaw slowly. “Princess, I’m not normal either…so why didn’t you run away from me?”

She shrugged helplessly, “I tried running, but you didn’t give me much of a choice.”

I chuckled at the insane reality of all of this, “And I never will, better keep that in your pretty little head.”

Her eyes studied me carefully, like she was still trying to measure the depth of the madness she’d walked into.

“So nothing I do will push you away from me?”

I shook my head, “Nothing.”

Her brows pulled together slightly. “Even if…let’s say—and don’t get angry now—if I…cheated on you or something?”

Here we fucking go…

My jaw ticked, hard. The muscles in my hand twitched with the very primal urge to punch the nearest wall, or preferably the hypothetical idiot in this scenario.

“I’d kill the fucker first, then…I used to think I could kill you and probably kill myself right after, but I don’t think I have it in me to kill you, so I’d just lock you up somewhere till I cleanse the fucker from your system.”

Her eyes widened slightly, “So you really wouldn’t leave me…even if I cheated on you?”

I shook my head, “I’d make your life a living hell, sure, but no, I wouldn’t leave you.”

She sighed, shaking her head like she had officially given up trying to apply logic to me. Either that or she’d finally accepted the fact that my insanity came factory-installed.

“I’d never do that, by the way, cheating is a red line for me,” She muttered, and her words slid into my chest like cool water over a burn.

Because the mere image of her with someone else was enough to make the scraps of sanity I still possessed pack their bags and leave.

Men had been killed for far less in the history of mankind.

“But just for your information, if the situation were reversed and you happened to cheat on me…I wouldn’t just leave you,” She edged closer, her fingers brushing over my abdomen, “I’d stab you, and not over here,” Her hand slid higher, the pads of her fingers grazing my chest before stopping directly over my heart.

“I’d stab you right here, in your heart.”

Fuck. There was something deeply wrong with the way that sounded like a love confession to me.

A low groan ripped out of my chest before I could stop it. I threw my head back, looking up at the ceiling, “God, is this woman your apology for all the shit you put me through?” I asked the universe, “Because she is fucking perfect. I bet she is my only soulmate.”

Aylin snorted softly and slapped my chest. “Don’t be ridiculous.”

I caught her wrist before she could pull it away, held it there, right over my heart.

“Feel that thing right here?” I tilted my head slightly, addressing the steady rhythm thudding against her skin. “It stopped belonging to me the second you walked into my life, princess.”

My thumb brushed slowly along the inside of her wrist, tracing the fragile blue vein there. Her pulse fluttered faintly beneath my fingers, quick and warm against my skin, my favorite rhythm in this ugly world.

“You wouldn’t have to stab me,” I said, “If you ever walked away from me…that would finish the job just fine.”

“Stop saying all this romantic stuff, it’s making me…all out of sorts,” She muttered, redness spreading over her neck. I loved how translucent her skin was, how it always gave her away.

I leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to her lips, just a peck, or at least that was the intention.

The moment our mouths touched, my restraint snapped like a thread. The kiss deepened before I could stop it, my lips dragging slowly across hers, tasting the warmth, the softness, the quiet surrender she never realized she gave me.

She tasted like heaven, this woman, and if keeping her meant I’d burn in hell for the rest of eternity, then so be it. I’d walk into the flames smiling.

I fucking loved the way she melted into me, the way she leaned closer, her gravity swaying toward me.

I forced myself to pull back before the impulse to drag her against the nearest wall won the fight. If I didn’t stop now, I’d absolutely end up fucking her right here in the hallway.

And unfortunately, there was still a very alive Christian somewhere in this house.

The wanker had impeccable timing when it came to ruining my life.

With my hand still gripping her wrist, I brought her hand up, turned it around, and brought her burned fingertips to my mouth, dropping the softest kiss over each one of them.

Her lashes fluttered slightly as she watched me.

Then her gaze lifted, meeting mine, “I remember it, you know,” She whispered, “This doesn’t usually happen…but I remember putting my hand near the fire.”

My brow tightened, and her eyes drifted down to her fingers again as she added, “I even remember what was going through my mind when I did it.”

My own fingers brushed lightly across the reddened skin.

“What?” I asked.

“I wanted to punish the hand that tried to hurt you.”

“Fucking hell, Aylin,” I grumbled, her words tilting my world wrong, it felt as if the room shifted on its axis.

She shook her head before I could say anything else, “Since I woke up, I keep…I keep remembering random things, some that just don’t make sense, random words, scenes, I…” She let out a low, tired breath, “I remember some of mom’s words to me, I remember Dad getting angry at her, protecting me from her…my messed up brain forgot even that, can you imagine?”

She looked at me then, anger at herself flickering beneath the exhaustion, “I used to think Dad was always busy and never paid me any attention, but he did…I just forgot it, who…who does that?”

I brushed my thumb along the inside of her palm. “You didn’t forget it on purpose, so stop blaming yourself.”

She inhaled sharply, her breath stuttering.

“One time…I think…if I’m remembering right,” Lines tightened between her brows, so anguished, tortured, “Mom told me that she wished I was…dead,” She swallowed hard, “and after that, I cried and cried, and then, I stood on the top of the stairs, I closed my eyes and just,” Tears gathered in her eyes again, “I just closed my eyes and pushed myself down, wanting to make her wish come true.”

Fucking hell…

The image of her, of young little her, standing at the top of the stairs with that kind of pain inside her chest, wanting to disappear just so someone else could be satisfied…it tore me wide open.

My jaw locked so hard it hurt.

Now I wished I had hurt her mother worse.

Much worse.

I should’ve shattered that woman’s world the way she shattered my princess’s.

I should’ve left scars she’d never recover from.

“Aylin—” I was fucking speechless, because the truth was clawing its way through my brain now.

The knife she almost stabbed herself with, the fire last night, the way she sometimes looked at herself like she deserved punishment.

Fuck. She had those instincts. Those self-destructive little ghosts hiding under her skin.

The idea of letting her out of my sight ever again felt impossible. God, never, not a chance in hell.

She shook her head, sniffling, “If I did that to myself, then what if…what if they’re right, what if no one hurt me in that pool, what if it was really just me?” She asked, the tip of her nose reddening, “What if no one pushed me under, what if…what if I just pushed myself down the water?”

I didn’t know what the truth was anymore. Every memory she uncovered opened ten new doors, and yet, one doubt remained, in the midst of all of this…why couldn’t she remember Riley?

The fucking name burned in the back of my mind like a loaded gun, but I was too afraid to pull the trigger now. If I pushed her too hard, I might break something fragile inside her, and that was a risk I wasn’t willing to take.

I brushed my thumb beneath her eyes, wiping away the tears clinging there.

“I don’t believe in that…I still feel that someone hurt you in that pool, Aylin. I don’t know how to describe it, but it feels like everything connects back to that one incident. It’s the one that your brain held onto for all these years, and it feels like if you remember it…everything else will follow.”

She shook her head weakly, “Remembering hurts so bad…is it supposed to feel like this?” She sniffled, and her lower lip trembled slightly, “Can I just…not remember?”

If it were up to me, I’d burn every memory she had just to erase this look from her eyes. I’d lock the past away forever, but healing, apparently, had its own cruel little rules.

So instead, I echoed the words Natalie had drilled into my skull.

“It’s part of healing,” I said softly, “You remembering things now means we’re on the right path. Everything you once buried is coming out, that’s a…good thing,” I added as my thumb brushed the corner of her mouth where the tremble hadn’t quite settled. “It’s going to be hard, I know, princess, I know, but we’ll do it together, okay?”

She looked at me like she believed in me, almost like she trusted me, and I had to live up to that somehow. I could never break that trust.

She nodded her head, “Okay,” she whispered weakly, then she wiped her cheek with the back of her hand, trying to gather herself.

“I have one of my sessions with Natalie today,” she murmured, sniffling lowly, “I should take a shower and get ready.”

I nodded, brushing and tucking her hair behind her ear.

“Then, after that, I want to go see Dad,” she added. “I feel like I haven’t seen him in forever. I really miss him.”

For a long time, I’d assumed that man was just another useless background character in her life.

Maybe I’d been wrong, maybe he could actually be useful.

Her head tilted slightly, slightly uncertain, “Would you…come with me, if you want to, I mean?”

I nodded my head instantly, “Yeah, sure,” I said, my lips tilting upward, “It’s already too late to try to impress your grandfather and mother, might as well start fresh with your father.” I tried to keep the tone playful, anything to shake that fragile look still lingering in her eyes.

“Besides, he and I could bond over our mutual hatred of your mother. That feels like a very solid foundation for a healthy friendship.”

Aylin shot me a look.

The you’re impossible kind.

I shot her one right back.

The you love it kind.

“Look,” I continued, lifting a hand to stop her from protesting, “I’m willing to try fixing things with your grandfather. The old man isn’t that bad,” I said, “But not with your mother. If I see her again, I’m going to hurt her, really badly, so keep her away from me, for her own sake, and don’t start whining and trying to stop me now.”

She huffed, and I turned her around before she could argue further and nudged her toward the hallway. “Come on, chop chop, you’re gonna be late, so let’s get you in the shower and all ready.”

“I can get myself ready on my own just fine—”

I clicked my tongue and kept nudging her forward, “Nonsense,” I said, leaning down and dropping a slow kiss to the top of her shoulder. “You have very tense muscles, which I, as a generous and extremely talented individual, am willing to fix.”

“Nathan,” she whined softly, already knowing where this was going. “We’ll be late.”

I had already started peeling her clothes off anyway, guiding her into the shower.

“Good thing Natalie is my sister,” I said casually. “She’ll understand.”

I twirled her around and pressed her back against the cool tiles before leaning down and capturing her lips.

Her protest quickly dissolved into the kiss, needing this as much as I did. She could deny it all she wants, but my princess was addicted to me, too. Her hands slid up to my shoulders as if they had always belonged there.

“Nathan,” She breathed into my mouth.

I brushed my nose slowly against hers. “Hmm?”

Her fingers dug into my shoulders, “Don’t ever let me forget you,” She whispered, her words hitting somewhere ugly inside my chest.

I edged back and gazed down at her. God, she looked like something pulled out of a ruined myth, the kind poets wrote about before cities burned and gods punished men for wanting something too fiercely.

Water was already soaking through her hair, strands clinging to her cheeks, her neck, the delicate curve of her collarbone.

“You think that’s something I’d allow?” I murmured.

I shook my head, “And even if you did, I’d remind you of me, over and over again, I won’t quit,” I said, “I am quite charming, princess, so you’d fall right back into my trap every single time.”

Her eyes softened, “But what if you get tired of me?”

I shook my head, “Even the gods would get tired before I did.”

⊹˚₊‧────────────‧₊˚⊹

“I swear I’ll stay silent,” I said for the third time. “I’ll just sit in the corner and observe, like a very handsome, emotionally supportive boyfriend.”

Natalie stared at me the way doctors look at patients who clearly escaped their psychiatric ward.

“You are not sitting in my therapy session,” she said slowly.

“Why not? I could contribute.”

“You are the reason she needs therapy half the time,” She grumbled lowly, “get out.”

“That’s so unfair,” I scoffed. The nerve on this woman…

Natalie sighed loudly and shoved me toward the door, “Out, now.”

She swatted at my arm when I resisted and physically dragged me toward the hallway. I still managed to throw my princess a flying kiss in the process. Aylin just chuckled softly and shook her head at me.

God. I was so gone for that woman, it was almost embarrassing.

Before the door closed, I pointed two fingers at my eyes, then at Natalie. A clear message, a warning, for her to take good care of what’s mine.

Natalie caught the look and rolled her eyes, then, without a word, shut the door in my face, hating that I was interfering in her clinical methods.

I huffed out loudly and looked around the hallway, staring at the white walls that made me feel suffocated instantly. I checked my watch. I had an entire hour to kill, which meant the universe had just handed me a very beautiful opportunity to annoy a certain someone.

I headed down to the cafeteria, grabbed two coffees, and rode the elevator to the upper floor with a very specific destination in mind.

I stopped outside his office door, considered knocking, decided that would be wildly out of character, so I just pushed the door open.

Nikolas’s eyes snapped up from the papers spread across his desk. For half a second, he looked startled by the interruption. Then, he realized it was me, and the surprise immediately curdled into irritation…followed by anger, mixed with annoyance.

Ah.

There it was.

My favorite look.

I pretended I hadn’t noticed it and casually closed the door behind me like I owned the place. I strolled over and placed both coffee cups on his desk before dropping into the chair across from him.

Then I kicked my legs up onto the coffee table ahead of me.

Several decorative items clattered over.

Oops.

I crossed one ankle over the other and leaned back comfortably.

Nikolas watched the destruction in complete silence.

His jaw ticked.

Good. We were off to an excellent start.

I let out a long, dramatic sigh. “I’m bored, entertain me.”

“Leave,” was all he said.

“No.”

His jaw clenched as I picked up my coffee and nudged the other cup closer to him across the desk.

He didn’t even glance at it.

His eyes stayed locked on me like he was deciding which bone to break first. “Get out of my office.”

I took a sip of coffee and looked around thoughtfully. “Your office is very depressing.”

“Good.”

“It reflects your personality.”

“Nathan.”

“Yes, Nikolas?”

“If you don’t leave in the next five seconds, I’m going to physically remove you.”

I tilted my head, studying him. “You say that every time.”

“And one day I’ll act on it.”

I brightened. “Oh, you mean like the time you shot my hand?” I lifted my hand, turning it slightly, studying the pale scar still carved into the center of my palm. “Hurt like a bitch, really, but I forgive you.”

Something violent flickered through his eyes. The green darkened, sharpening into something colder as he recalled that specific memory.

“Why didn’t you just…stay dead?” He muttered, “My life was so much simpler before you.”

I shrugged, “Beats me, I always wondered that myself,” I said, taking another sip.

“You know, the whole surviving-being-born-after-my-mother-got-shot thing.” I counted on my fingers lazily, “Then surviving that lovely little fire in the asylum.” Another finger. “Then surviving my lung deciding it didn’t want to function like a normal organ.”

I leaned back in the chair and gave him a wink, “and then surviving you.”

I tilted my head slightly. “Statistically speaking, it’s getting a bit ridiculous. I am nearly indestructible.”

“More like a persistent infection,” he grumbled.

“Aw,” I said warmly. “You flatter me.”

“Why are you here, Nathan?”

“Told ya, I am bored, I just dropped my girlfriend at your wife’s office. I have a full free hour, and you’re my favorite person to annoy, so here I am.”

He sucked in a long, slow breath, the kind you take right before committing homicide. His eyes closed for one full second like he was summoning patience, or meditating…or imagining creative ways to cut my throat.

Then, he tried to act all mature, which was adorable. He leaned back in his chair, opened the file on his desk, and began reading with exaggerated focus, purposely ignoring me. Rude.

I grabbed a stack of papers from his desk and shuffled through them, completely ruining whatever neat little order he had going on. He exhaled slowly, very slowly, like he was suppressing all of his violent urges.

I squinted at the paper, pretending to read through some boring nonsense.

I got bored instantly and dropped the papers back onto the desk in a chaotic pile, one of them almost knocked over the coffee I’d brought him, but I caught it at the last second before I tapped the desk with two fingers, then three, then with my full hand, then with both hands

“Badum-badum,” I sang-song while drumming on the desk, “Ba-dum-tss,” I added, providing my own soundtrack.

Nikolas’s eye twitched slightly, but he still ignored me.

My gaze drifted around the depressing surroundings once and twice as I shifted in my seat multiple times. My leg started bouncing, that familiar burst of energy building in my chest, the kind I could never quite keep contained.

Nikolas huffed loudly and slammed the papers down on the desk.

“For the love of god, stop moving,” He grumbled.

I turned to him, “Entertain me then, keep my brain busy, I get hyperactive when I am bored,” I stated the obvious.

He shut the file harshly and got up, uh oh. He rounded his way from behind his desk and came to my side. Holy crap. I sank further into the seat, internally wincing as I squinted my eyes at him, “Don’t hit me.”

His eyebrows pulled closer, and he paused next to me, kicking my legs, forcing me to drop them from the table so he could get closer, as if inspecting something.

He pointed at my face, “Who did that?”

Oh, I forgot that my face was slightly bruised.

I shook my head, “No one important.”

“Let me guess,” He said, “Her grandfather?”

“You’re either smart or deeply obsessed with me,” I muttered, taken aback by his fast deduction.

“This is getting slightly out of hand, I don’t like it,” He said, his voice roughening as his eyes flickered all over my face, almost…protectively? Oh no, I must be imagining things, “Should I interfere?”

I shook my head, “No, I will take care of it,” I muttered, “The old man isn’t so bad, actually, I kind of like him now.”

His forehead tightened as he tried to understand my words. He leaned his back against the desk and crossed his arms over his chest as he kept inspecting my face from a distance.

“But I could use your help in…something else,” I added.

“In what?”

“I need to find someone,” I said, “But the problem is, this someone doesn’t seem to exist. I can’t find anything about her.”

“Elaborate.” I liked how he talked like words were expensive.

“I only know her name, Riley, she is a she, by the way, and she is related to Aylin and her family in some way, but I dug through, did some reasearch and it’s almost like she doesn’t exist, like she got wiped off the face of the earth somehow.”

“Reminds me of someone,” His eyebrow lifted slightly, hinting at something, “People who don’t want to be found, what do they do?”

My eyes lit up.

“Oh,” I muttered in realization, “They change their names, just like I did.”

Nikolas nodded, “Just like you did.”

Hmm, that could actually make sense.

“You know, I used to hate my other name so much,” I added with a small huff, “It took everything in me not to snap whenever someone called me Louis.” I sighed, “I love my real name, though, but…” But even that, he took away from me.

On that day, Isaac killed Nathan and forced me to become Louis so I could do his bidding.

I cleared my throat, shoving the thought away before it could sink its claws any deeper.

“Apparently, you love my name too,” I said instead, glancing at him. “You even went ahead and gave it to your son.”

“Bit obsessive, if you ask me,” I added lightly.

“Not me, your sister wanted it,” he explained.

“You didn’t?”

He shook his head.

“Why not?” I asked as my fingers started tapping lightly against my thigh.

“Calling him with your name every day…well, it made it very difficult to forget you.”

My fingers stopped tapping, “And you wanted to forget me?”

He nodded his head, ever so fucking honest. I had this sudden urge to punch that eerily composed face of his just to see if it would finally crack.

My fingers curled slowly into a fist over my thigh, the knuckles tightening until the skin pulled white as I looked away from him.

“More like I didn’t want to remember you, because every time I did, I just felt guilty,” He added, making me face him again, “I blamed myself for what happened to you…or what I thought happened to you, and that isn’t a feeling people enjoy carrying around every day.”

The silence that followed his words felt a little too heavy, so I cleared my throat and shoved the moment aside the way I usually did.

He did the same and straightened up, rolled his shoulders back like he physically needed to shake the conversation off.

“So,” he said, voice returning to its usual dry tone. “Riley, is it?”

I nodded my head, “Yeah.”

“I’ll see what I can do.”

“Thanks,” I muttered lowly.

He shook his head as he studied my face for a moment longer, “Meanwhile, try not to get punched so often.”

I smiled, “Where’s the fun in that?”

⊹˚₊‧────────────‧₊˚⊹

Aylin’s POV

I used to think forgetting was a mercy.

That the empty spaces in my mind were protecting me, softening the sharp edges of things I wasn’t meant to survive. Now I’m starting to understand something terrifying…memories don’t disappear, they wait, quietly, patiently.

Like ghosts standing behind a locked door, and once the door opens…they don’t knock, they flood in.

Since last night, my mind has been bleeding pieces of the past.

My session with Natalie ran longer than usual today. I couldn’t stop talking.

The words just kept spilling out of me, one after another, like something inside my chest had finally cracked open. I had the strange feeling that if I stopped, if I tried to hold any of it back, I would suffocate on it.

So I told her everything.

She listened the whole time, asking only a few quiet questions here and there, guiding me gently whenever my thoughts started to spiral.

But the more I spoke, the clearer I saw that tight look forming on her face…concern. Natalie usually carried this warm, steady calm with her. Her presence made everything feel manageable, even the ugliest truths.

But the longer I talked, the more I felt that warmth slipping away, like I was dragging her somewhere darker, somewhere she hadn’t expected to go.

I could almost see the moment something in her mind shifted…a realization forming behind her eyes, a conclusion she wasn’t ready to say out loud.

Before I left, she gave me one piece of advice. She called it off the record. She told me to go back to my grandfather’s summer house, to sit by the pool. To see if being there might trigger the memory I’ve been chasing for years.

The one my mind keeps circling like a wound it refuses to touch. The one that might explain everything…or destroy it.

But the mere thought of going back there makes something inside me recoil.

Could I even do it?

Why does that place terrify me so much?

Every time the thought even brushed against my mind, something inside my chest turned red, like blood spilling too quickly through my veins, boiling over, flooding my lungs until breathing became impossible.

I couldn’t think about it now.

I couldn’t decide anything yet.

The moment my eyes fell on Dad, everything else shattered into silence.

Something in my chest squeezed so tightly it hurt.

His eyes found mine across the room, and they softened instantly.

I didn’t even realize I had started moving. One second, I was standing there, frozen. The next thing I knew, I was rushing forward.

I crashed into his arms, my eyes falling shut the second he caught me. My arms wrapped around him desperately. His arms closed around me immediately, so strong, so familiar.

“God…Aylin,” he murmured, his voice rough with something that sounded too close to relief. “I missed you so much.”

One of his hands slid up to cradle the back of my head, his fingers threading gently through my hair as he pulled me closer against his chest.

I had called him an hour ago to say I was coming by, and for once, he hadn’t searched for excuses to push me away.

He had simply said he was waiting for me.

My fingers curled into the fabric of his hoodie, gripping it tightly as I pressed my face against him. I breathed him in, his familiar scent, the warmth of his body, the steady rhythm of his breathing.

“I missed you too,” I whispered against his chest, my voice quieter than I expected.

Dad exhaled slowly and tightened his arms around me, “I was starting to think you’d forgotten about your old man,” he said softly.

I shook my head against him. “Never,” I murmured.

I only stayed away because I thought he wanted me to. Because somewhere along the way, I had convinced myself my presence only made things harder for him. That distance was kindness. That disappearance was love.

But now, with all those memories clawing their way back into my mind, something inside me ached in a way that made me need his closeness like nothing else.

I slowly pulled back from the embrace, though my hands still held onto the front of his hoodie like I wasn’t quite ready to let go.

God, he looked so much better since I last saw him. There was color in his face now, healthy weight filling the hollow places that used to worry me. His shoulders seemed stronger, steadier.

His eyes were warm, alive.

That deep shade of green I remembered, darker and softer than mine or Mom’s. His carried tiny flecks of brown in them, like autumn leaves caught in sunlight. They always made his gaze look gentler, kinder than that of Mom’s.

His hair had grown slightly longer since the last time I saw him, the dark strands brushing the back of his neck.

He smiled as he gazed at me, the kind that softened his whole face, the corners of his eyes crinkling gently.

“How’ve you been?” he asked, reaching up to brush a loose strand of hair away from my face and tuck it behind my ear.

“I am good,” I said quickly, not quite ready to open the messy box that was my life. “How are you? You look…so much better.”

He nodded once. “Well, I’m finally done with the program,” he said, “I’m getting out in two days.”

My shoulders sagged with relief. “Really?”

He smiled wider. “Yeah, and—”

His words cut off mid-sentence when his gaze shifted slightly past me, like he had just realized something, or rather, the presence of someone.

Nathan, who had been standing there this entire time, strangely silent, giving me space to have this moment with Dad.

Dad’s eyes flickered between the two of us, his brows tightening slightly as he took Nathan in.

I stepped back awkwardly.

“Uh…Dad,” I said, suddenly aware that I had completely forgotten to warn him about the walking chaos standing beside me. “I also wanted you to meet someone.”

I reached back and grabbed Nathan’s hand, pulling him a step forward. Dad’s gaze dropped briefly to where our fingers intertwined, then lifted back to our faces.

“This is Nathan,” I said. “He’s my boyfriend.”

Nathan stepped forward, and then something deeply disturbing happened.

He behaved, no, not just behaved. He turned into the most polite, respectful, charming man I had ever seen in my life…which was extremely concerning.

He offered Dad his hand, smiling warmly, almost respectfully, “It’s really nice to finally meet you, sir,” he said.

Sir?

I blinked, once, twice, because I was about ninety percent sure the man standing next to me was an impostor wearing Nathan’s face.

Where was my psychotic boy? Did I lose Nathan on my way here? I mean, I was rather distracted, so maybe I did.

“Aylin told me so much about you,” He added, lying through his teeth because I barely ever mentioned Dad to him.

Dad studied him quietly, his gaze moving slowly across Nathan’s face like he was assessing him piece by piece. Meanwhile, I was still standing there trying to process the fact that Nathan had somehow unlocked a respectful human being mode I didn’t know existed.

Even worse, it was working.

Dad extended his hand and shook Nathan’s. “You can call me Adrian,” he said calmly.

Nathan’s fake polite smile softened even further, the kind that made him look almost harmless.

“I’m really glad you’re doing better,” he said warmly. “Going through something like this…that can’t have been easy. It takes a lot of strength to stick with it.”

My eyes narrowed at him.

There it was.

Nathan was doing that thing. That terrifying thing he did when he wanted someone on his side.

He wasn’t just being polite. He was studying my dad, reading him, adjusting his tone, his posture, his words.

Strategically placing every sentence exactly where it needed to land, like he was playing chess, and Dad didn’t even know a game had started.

“I guess Aylin takes after you,” He added, ever so flatteringly, as his fingers slid naturally around my waist before settling at my lower back. “She’s the strongest-willed person I know,” he continued, his gaze drifting toward me.

Then he lifted his free hand and gently brushed his thumb across my cheek, pushing a loose strand of hair away from my face.

“She’s one of a kind.”

That part wasn’t manipulation; every word about me sounded sincere.

Dad noticed it, too.

I looked at him, still slightly stunned.

Nathan—my chaotic, violent, menace of a boyfriend—was somehow having a completely civilized conversation with my father. Who knew he was capable of that?

“That she is,” Dad said, nodding once. “You, though…you’re a lot different than what Layla described you as.”

My eyes widened and quickly shot back to Dad. Mom talked to him? About Nathan and me? When? What the—

Nathan didn’t even blink. If anything, the corner of his mouth twitched faintly, like he’d just been handed something mildly amusing.

“Oh?” he said lightly.

There was a quiet curiosity in his tone, like he genuinely wanted to hear the answer.

“And what exactly did Layla say about me?”

“She didn’t paint the most flattering picture,” Dad replied. “From what she told me, you were reckless, trouble, the kind of man she didn’t want anywhere near her daughter.”

Nathan nodded slowly, like that assessment sounded perfectly reasonable.

“Fair,” he said.

My eyebrows shot up.

Fair?

That was his response?

Dad raised an eyebrow slightly. “You agree with her?”

Nathan shrugged one shoulder. “I can see how I might give that impression.”

Dad watched him closely, “And do you?”

Nathan’s eyes flickered briefly toward me before returning to Dad, “I can be trouble,” he admitted calmly. “But not for her.”

“I might be a lot of things,” he continued, meeting Dad’s discerning gaze without hesitation, “but the one thing I won’t ever be is someone who hurts Aylin. Her safety, her health, and her happiness are all I care about.”

Dad held his stare long enough that the air between them felt heavier, then he gave a small nod, not approval exactly, but something close.

“Well,” Dad said quietly, “that’s good to hear.”

Nathan’s mouth curved as he glanced down at me briefly, catching my stunned stare.

His eyes glinted, ever so smugly.

I narrowed mine.

The manipulative little devil. I was completely, hopelessly gone for him.

We sat with Dad in the cafeteria for a while, talking, catching up, Nathan somehow indulging him in conversation like they had known each other for years. At some point, I pinched the inside of my arm under the table, just to make sure this was real.

This impossible man beside me was going to give me a stroke one day.

I leaned back in my seat, half-listening to their conversation, watching Nathan nod thoughtfully at something Dad was saying, when all of a sudden, that all too familiar sharp pain tore through my skull.

I tried not to wince, or reflect my inner pain to the outside, but…it was happening again, images, words, scenes, clashing, crashing, tearing through some buried dark place and coming to the forefront.

My little fingers curled over the edge of the door, peeking inside, listening to mom and dad…they were yelling. Their loud voices had woken me up, scared me, something like glass breaking, the sound had pulled me from my bed.

“I can’t take this anymore, Layla, I just fucking can’t,” Dad shot out loudly, his eyes…they were red, like he’d been crying. Dads don’t cry, do they?

Mom’s face was…blank, expressionless, the way she looks when it gets too much, “You think I can?” Her voice was lower, less rageful, but just as pained.

Dad ran his hands through his hair, pacing once before dropping heavily onto the edge of the bed.

“I wish I had never met you,” He said, and there was…blood on his hand, he was hurt, Dad was hurt…the mirror was broken, shattered at the corner, shards on the ground.

“I wish we had never gotten married, I wish…Aylin was never born,” He added brokenly, like it hurt him to say it out loud.

“God, I love her, but…but I can’t do this…we need to put her somewhere where she could be treated, somewhere that could fix whatever the fuck is wrong with her,” He added, “She is a danger to herself and to everyone around her.”

“My father won’t let us do that,” Mom said.

Dad’s eyes fired up, “Your father needs to stick to his fucking limits. She is my daughter, not his.”

Mom walked over slowly and sat beside him on the edge of the bed. She reached for his injured hand. Blood smeared across her fingers as she touched the cuts, and neither of them spoke for a moment.

They just sat there, quietly, sharing the same pain.

“Our daughter is…not normal,” Mom whispered, “Do you see it now?”

Dad’s gaze dropped to his lap, “She will be,” he said, like no other option was allowed.

My vision got blurrier, and I moved away from the door. I stopped at the top of the stairs and sat down slowly on the first step. Tears slipped down my cheeks. I wiped them away with the back of my hand.

Then I squeezed my shoulder, the spot that hurt the most.

It hurt because Dad pushed me this time. It was usually Mom, but this time it was him. He pushed me, I don’t remember why, but he did, my foot slipped, I stumbled back, and the edge of the stairs hit my shoulder when I fell.

I sniffled quietly, rubbing the sore spot.

My chest hurt.

My shoulder hurt.

Everything hurt.

I wiped under my eyes again when I heard footsteps coming closer. Someone sat down beside me, close enough that I could feel their warmth.

They leaned gently against my shoulder.

I leaned back too, closed my eyes, and tried to think of a happier place, a place where I was normal like they wanted me to be…but…but what did normal even mean?

I blinked my eyes open as the memory shattered apart, and the present slowly came back into focus.

Dad and Nathan were still talking across the table, something about politics now, both of them strangely absorbed in the conversation. Their voices were calm, steady, so normal it almost hurt to listen to.

Neither of them noticed me drifting somewhere far away.

My eyes settled on Dad, and suddenly I understood something I had always tried not to see.

I had been right all along.

Just like her, a part of him hated me, too.

Another quiet crack split through my chest.

The more my memories returned…the clearer it became that I hadn’t imagined the monster in my childhood.

The terrifying part was realizing…

the monster had always been me.

⊹˚₊‧─────────────────‧₊˚⊹

Author’s Note:

Hellooo 🙂

It’s me again.

I hope you enjoyed the chapter!
Aylin is slowly unraveling but seriously though, if your kid turned out to be like Aylin, how would you react or deal with it?

Also, also, I was scrolling through instagram and saw this AI picture I suppose, and it gave me Nathan x Aylin vibes immediately, the way he once told her that he wanted three kids, two girls and one boy.

This is just so them-coded 🥹
makes me want to write more about this future version of them…that if it even exists.

See you soon 🩶