Chapter 45

“Cracks aren’t supposed to lead anywhere.
They’re meant to split things apart.
Hers didn’t,
they found me.“

Nathan’s POV

She was slipping through my fingers again.

Not physically, no, I had her. My hands framed her face, my thumb dragging slow, useless paths over her wet cheeks, chasing tears that refused to stop.

But her mind was gone. It vanished into that place I couldn’t follow.

I hated it. God, I fucking hated it so much.

You see, there are monsters I understand, men I can kill, threats I can end, blood I can spill until the world makes sense again. But this? This quiet, invisible thing inside her that drags her under?

I can’t touch it.

I can’t kill it.

And that…that makes me feel something dangerously close to powerless.

Helpless.

Fuck, it just never gets easier.

Every time she disappeares ike this, something in my chest twists tighter, meaner, like I’m being punished for something I don’t remember doing…forced to stand and watch her drown while my hands are tied behind my back.

When does it end?

When do I get to keep her without fighting ghosts?

My thumb brushed another tear away as I leaned closer, my forehead nearly touching hers, my voice dropping into something rougher, “Princess…”

Just then, a sharp, violent inhale tore out of her as she clawed her way out of something suffocating.

Her fingers twitched, and her eyes blinked, once, then twice.

“There you are…” I breathed, the relief hitting me like a punch straight to the ribs.

Her gaze locked onto mine, emotions crashing behind her eyes all at once, confusion, pain, something fragile, something breaking. Her lips parted, like she was about to say something, when the main door suddenly slammed open, so hard the frame nearly rattled.

Both of our heads snapped toward it immediately.

My eyes fell on none other than her grandfather as he barged in. Rageful green eyes locked onto mine, his jaw ticking at the mere sight of me, his whole stance radiating violence and hostility. He didn’t look surprised that we were trespassing on his property…no, this wasn’t a coincidence.

He came here with the main purpose to corner us…well, to corner me.

Aylin turned around, and before I could react, she slipped out of my reach and rushed to him, crashing into his chest.

My jaw tightened, the urge to pull her back clawing up my nerves, but I forced myself to stay still.

Her arms wrapped around his waist, clinging, and he stilled at the gesture, caught off guard, the violence in him faltering for a split second as his arms hesitantly came up around her.

His brows pulled deeper, “Aylin…” he muttered, confusion threading through the anger, like he didn’t know which one to hold onto.

She buried her face into his chest, her voice breaking into soft, incoherent pieces, her grip tightening around him. His eyes flickered from her, then up to me, his gaze almost questioning, like he was trying to figure out what the hell I’d done to her.

I just shook my head.

He blinked in confusion, then lowered his head and pressed a kiss to her hair, pulling her tighter against him, letting her have whatever this was.

“What’s wrong?” he murmured, cradling the back of her head as his hand moved through her hair. “Are you okay?”

Aylin slowly pulled back, her arms slipping from around him. She looked up at him, still slightly unsteady, “No one hurt me in that pool…right?” she whispered. “I think…I think I remember.”

What?

Her words had something flicker in his eyes, and his hand tightened slightly over her arm, “What…” His throat bobbed, “What do you remember?” He asked, the edge in his voice melting, almost into fear.

“You and mom were fighting, I remember, it happened right after that,” she said slowly, like she was walking through broken glass. “She wanted to send me away, but you didn’t accept, and you two kept on fighting, so I…”

Her voice faltered, “I went back to the pool, and I remember thinking that as long as I stayed, you two would always fight. That she and dad would always fight too, so I…so I jumped into the water, and I went under…”

Fuck, another reason to keep Layla at the top of my list. God, I fucking hate that woman.

“I remember you pulling me out of the water…and mom was crying, she said that…that none of this would’ve happened if you only let her send me away,” Aylin added, “That’s…that’s what happened, right?”

I waited for him to shake his head, to correct her, to say something that made it make sense, because something about this memory in exact didn’t sit right with me. The pieces didn’t fit. They didn’t click as I expected them to.

This memory…it didn’t feel real.

I didn’t trust it.

There was more to it. I was almost too sure.

Charles’s eyes flickered all over her face, as if searching for something, and when he didn’t find it, he nodded his head, “Yeah…right,” He muttered, and I was almost too sure he was lying.

He brought his hand up, palming her cheek, brushing his thumb beneath her eye, “You look so pale,” he muttered, the lines tightening over his forehead.

His hand slid down to her arm, gently guiding her to the nearest room, “Come here, sit down for a bit…”

I followed right after them as he led her to one of the couches. My gaze flickered to the table, landing on the water bottle and glasses. I grabbed one, filled it with water, and turned back toward her.

Before I could lean closer to hand it to her, something, or more like someone, blocked me.

My eyes flickered up to find Mr. Charles glaring back at me, fire nearly bursting from his eyes. His hand came and snatched the glass from me, so harshly that water tipped over and into my fingers.

He glared a bunch more before he crouched down next to her, “Here, drink this,” he said, softer now, guiding the glass toward her lips.

She wrapped her fingers around it, taking a small sip. “Thanks,” she murmured.

I let out a quiet breath through my nose.

Aylin’s eyes flickered up to me, then they went back to her grandfather. She blinked, her brain still catching up to reality. Only then did it seem to hit her that we were both here, in the same room, the same enclosed space.

I watched the panic crawl into her eyes as she pushed the glass away and climbed to her feet so fast, the color rushing back into her face, her neck flushing as she stepped in front of me, almost…protectively.

That did something deeply unhealthy to my brain.

Fuck. I might actually bite that pretty little face of hers.

“Uh, grandpa, look,” she started, her voice catching before steadying. “I know you two didn’t start on the right foot, but…Nathan is my boyfriend, and I won’t leave him…so you can’t ask me to do that again.”

That boyfriend word…every time she says it, something shifts in my chest, something unfamiliar, almost too goddman pleasant. A very strange feeling in my stomach, I should probably get used to it…or replace it.

Husband has a better ring to it. Yeah, I’d better work on that one very soon.

Her hand reached behind her, almost instinctively, and her fingers wrapped the hem of my t-shirt. Good thing I threw that on me before I chased her through the house.

“And you can’t hurt him again,” she added, shaking her head. “You always told me I’m free to make my own decisions, right? This is my decision. I know you’re only trying to protect me, but Nathan won’t hurt me.”

Fucking hell, she really trusted me. When exactly did I become this person…someone she could trust?

Her grandfather stood across from us, analyzing every word of hers with a blank expression. His eyes slid past her, landing on me, and just like that, his expression hardened again, like my existence alone rattled him.

I only smiled in return, my eyebrow raising in a huh, I won, old man.

His jaw clenched, and he shook his head, ready to refuse everything about this, “Aylin—”

“Grandpa, please,” She said back quickly, flashing him her adorable puppy eyes. Too bad for him, even I’m not immune to those.

He dragged a rough hand down his face, “Aylin, he…he kidnapped your mother, for god’s sake.”

Oh, we’re still on that?

“Yeah, and she punished me for it,” I said, “For a whole month, might I add,” I grumbled, recalling that very unpleasant period.

My brows pulled closer, “Also, let’s be honest for once, Layla deserved much worse. Sorry to break it to you, but you didn’t exactly raise that woman right, that sorry excuse of a moth—” I paused when Aylin turned around, her eyes widening in warning, “Nathan!” She hissed.

I huffed out loudly, “Anyways,” I said, stepping around her and closing the distance between the old man and me.

“I’m willing to be the bigger person here, bury the hatchet and all, ignore all the death threats, the men you sent after me, the whole using me as your punching bag.” See, I can also remind him of his wrongdoings, “and start fresh, so…what do you say, Charles?”

I extended my hand, a polite smile curving my lips, “Or do you prefer Grandpa from now on?”

Aylin rushed to us quickly, positioning herself next to him, close enough to grab him if he lunged at me or something. Her wide eyes flickered between us in fear, fully alert to every shift.

The old man’s eyes fell onto my extended hand, and his jaw ticked, that vein at his temple pulsing like it was seconds away from exploding. I really ticked him off in all the wrong places. I loved it.

I might tolerate him now—barely—since he seems to have a functioning instinct when it comes to putting my princess first, but that doesn’t mean I’ll make this easy on him by any means. Where’s the fun in that?

He ignored my extended hand and turned to Aylin, “I don’t like it,” he grumbled.

I rolled my eyes and let my hand drop, “She already made her choice, old man, you don’t have to like it,” I replied.

His eyes shot back to me, firing up, and he stepped forward, almost threateningly, but Aylin’s hand grasped his sleeves, “Grandpa,” she said quickly, breathless, “just—just give it a chance, please. For me.”

Her grip tightened slightly, trying to pull him back.

“And Nathan won’t—” her eyes flicked to me, narrowing sharply, “—he won’t trigger you or say anything anymore.”

“Hey,” I cut in, offended on principle, “I didn’t agree to that.”

“Nathan!” she snapped, glaring at me like I was the problem here.

I exhaled through my nose, dragging a hand through my hair.

“Yeah, yeah,” I muttered, rolling my eyes. “Fine. I’ll behave.”

Then, I added under my breath, “Within reason.”

He looked back at her, and she hit him with the soft eyes again, lethal in their own way. Her brows dipped just enough. “Please?” she asked again, hopeful.

He exhaled loudly, like the decision physically pained him. It took him a moment, maybe two, before he gave a single, reluctant nod, accepting this by force. I am pretty sure he’d still kill me if given the chance.

Aylin’s lips lifted into a relieved smile, and she rose onto her toes, pressing a quick kiss to his cheek. “You’re the best, love you,” she murmured.

I frowned, then tapped a finger over my cheek, “Now, my turn,” I said.

She whipped around so fast, her eyes widening before her fist collided with my arm, “Stop,” She hissed.

My frown deepened, “I didn’t do anything wrong,” I muttered, mildly offended. I hated it when she showed him affection and gave me none.

So, I slipped my arm around her waist, pulling her into me, fully aware of the old man’s eyes burning holes into my arm, “Anyway, it’s almost afternoon, and you haven’t eaten yet, so let’s feed you before you faint on me again—”

“Again?” That grabbed the old man’s attention.

I turned to him and nodded ever so seriously, “Yeah, that one time in the shower, sh—” The rest of my words came out muffled as Aylin slammed her hand over my mouth, shushing me.

“Stop talking, for god’s sake,” She whispered in utter bewilderment, her chest heaving in panic.

My brows pulled closer, then I kissed her palm, “What did I say?” I asked, confused.

She just shook her head in resignation, huffing out loudly.

After that, I ordered her food, even when the old man started insisting his precious groundskeeper—Jefferson was his name—could cook her anything she wanted, as if I’d just suggested feeding her poison.

My princess declined politely anyway, said we didn’t have time, that we should eat quickly and leave so we could catch our flight.

So yeah, not a very good day for Charles. I keep on winning, he keeps on losing. Sucks to be him.

He didn’t eat, though. He just sat there, watching us from across the table like he was waiting for me to slip, for me to breathe wrong, for me to give him a reason to put a bullet in my head. I felt it, that focus, that restraint barely holding, and naturally, I leaned closer to my princess, closing the distance until personal space became a suggestion, on purpose? Maybe.

My thumb brushed the corner of her mouth, catching a bit of the avocado sauce, and before she could react, I licked it off my finger. That very innocent gesture made the old man’s grip over his silver knife tighten.

Aylin’s cheeks flushed, and she subtly elbowed me, trying to push me away from her.

She cleared her throat, her fork hovering mid-air as she glanced up at him, “Grandpa, you are not eating,” She mumbled softly, “And uh…you’re staring,” she added in a low voice, addressing the way his hard eyes never left me.

“Oh, really? I am supposed to be glaring,” the old man said monotonously, his jaw ticking, his eyes still solely on me.

I chuckled under my breath. I really like him sometimes.

I lifted my gaze to meet his, raising a brow like go on, say more.

He leaned forward slightly.

“How old are you?”

“Thirty, sir,” I said, the sir tasting just disrespectful enough to be satisfying.

Aylin’s elbow hit my side again. Violence really is her love language, this wicked princess of mine.

His jaw ticked, “And there are no girls your own fucking age to go after?” He grumbled, and Aylin’s eyes widened, “Grandpa,” she whispered, scandalized.

I shrugged, “Seven years isn’t that big of an age gap really,” I commented, “besides, I am a very innocent child at heart, so we barely notice the age difference,” I turned to Aylin and winked, “Right, princess?”

His right eye twitched every time I called her that, so naturally, I found myself saying it more often now.

“What did you say your job was?” He asked.

“I still didn’t say.”

“Go on, then, answer.”

I leaned back in my chair slightly, “I look after the family business,” I answered vaguely. If looking after means signing off documents and joining a meeting or two once a week, then yeah.

“Which is?” He insisted, ever so curious.

“I guess in your quest to end my life, you didn’t research me much, could’ve at least run a background check or something, I am slightly offended,” I said, smiling, pretty sure he tried to but couldn’t find much.

I lifted my glass of water and took a slow sip, “My father was one of the major shareholders in a few corporations,” I continued, “Hospitals, medical research, investments, exports, imports…and all of that.”

If anything, each word of mine only fed his disdain toward me, for some unknown reason. Man, it’s gonna be hard to score brownie points with this man. He might even die before I win him over. Tragic.

“When did you move here…to the US, I mean?” he asked, still running his little interrogation.

“A year-ish ago,” I answered.

His eyes narrowed slightly. “Do you plan on going back?”

He was desperately trying to find the loophole, the get away from my granddaughter angle.

I shrugged, “Could happen, never say never,” I said, my eyes drifting to Aylin next to me, who was listening intently, waiting for the right moment to jump in, “But not anytime soon, for sure, I’ve got a very good reason to stay.”

If it wasn’t for her, I am pretty sure I would’ve left here right after I recovered from my surgery.

Her lips curved up slightly, aware that she was my reason.

I mirrored it and slipped my arm around her shoulders, pulling her closer.

Across from us, the old man let out a low, irritated sound and dropped his knife onto the plate with a sharp clink, probably fighting the urge to haul it at my face.

“Always hated you British people,” he muttered under his breath.

Aylin sighed, clearly regretting every life choice that led her here. “Dear god…“

I looked at him, mildly offended. “Bit harsh, don’t you think?” I said. “I’m not even British by blood. I’ve got American blood in me, which explains my poor manners. So, if that’s your angle, don’t push it, I was born here, after all.”

“I was raised there, though, so my allegiances go to Great Britain,” I added, tapping my chest once. “God save the quee—” I paused, clicking my tongue, “oops, may she rest in peace…God save the king.”

A faint smile tugged at my lips. “Long live the monarchy and all that.”

He kept glaring at me like I was the one who colonized his country.

This man doesn’t get my humor. Not at all. Tragic, really. Someone should probably remove the stick lodged so far up his ass…it’s affecting his ability to process my brilliant wit.

After we were done eating, the old man stood, his eyes finally leaving me. “Aylin, can you leave us alone for a bit?”

Ah, there it is, been waiting for that.

Her eyes widened instantly. “What…no,” she said, already stepping closer, fully aware that if we were to stay alone, he’d probably kill me, considering I never know when or how to shut up.

“Sweetheart,” he said, voice softening just enough to fool absolutely no one, “I just need to talk to…” his eyes flickered to me, then back to her, “…your boyfriend, that’s all.”

Her wary eyes drifted from him to me, pleading with me to behave for once and not trigger him any further.

I nodded my head, then held up my three fingers, folding my thumb over my pinky, “I won’t do a thing, scout’s honor,” I said, then looked at the old man, “See? I even know American idioms, I’m basically one of you,” I added, adjusting the edge of my accent into the obnoxious American one.

Aylin closed her eyes in defeat. Yeah, I give it five minutes before he tries to kill me.

“If you take too long, I’m coming back,” she warned, looking between us before she slowly backed toward the hallway. I threw her a kiss as she closed the door, finally leaving us alone.

I pushed my hands into my shorts’ pockets, took a slow look around the place, then let my gaze settle on him, “Nice place you’ve got here, thank you for the hospitality, by the way.”

“I’d rather you were ten feet underground, so let’s spare each other the fucking bullshit.”

“See, I am trying to be civil here, but you’re the violent one,” I pointed out the obvious, “I get it, you don’t like me, so sad, deeply upsetting…I’ll cry about it later.”

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes and carried on, more serious now, “I understand you find it hard to accept me, considering, but I mean her no harm, and I am sure you know that. Everything I did, still do and will keep on doing is to find out who harmed her and end him…or her.”

His fingers twitched at his sides before curling into a fist. Then he crossed his arms, watching me like he was trying to peel me apart layer by layer. Huh, good luck.

“So, for Aylin’s sake, can we compromise?” I extended an olive branch.

“I’ll compromise you to hell, is what I’ll do. I am only holding myself back for her sake,” He didn’t just cut my olive branch, he burned the whole damn tree, this old man.

“I’ll keep watching you, and I will find something that will finally make her leave you, mark my words.”

He really thinks that’s how this works. He is so cute. He has no idea I’d drag her right back, every time, so his threat held no weight.

“Show me your best,” I said, my lips tilting up, not even remotely concerned. “Meanwhile, me being pro-peace and all, I’ve got something for you.”

His eyes tracked me as I moved to the other end of the room, his hand shifting slightly toward his side like he was ready to draw out whatever weapon he had there if I attempted anything.

I grabbed my jacket, slipped my hand into the pocket, and pulled out the folded paper.

Then I walked back and extended it toward him.

“Someone left me this.”

His eyes dropped to it, then back to me, then back to the paper before he finally took it, unfolding it carefully.

His brows pulled together in confusion as he read it once, then twice.

“There’s someone who wants you dead,” I clarified when he didn’t speak.

His eyes flickered up to me, his brows tight, his stance shifting slightly, trying to figure out whether I was bluffing or not.

“Apparently, I won’t do it, I don’t like to take orders,” I added, “But the million-dollar question is…who wants you dead, Charles?”

He looked back at the paper, reading it again like it might rearrange itself into something less inconvenient. His gaze drifted, unfocused for a second, then he huffed.

“If I had to guess…” he muttered, almost to himself. “There’s only one person who would want me gone.”

“And that would be?”

His eyes lifted to mine, his features hardening, “Adrian,” he answered, “Aylin’s father.”

Hmm.

“Okay, I take it back, the real million-dollar question is, why would he want you dead?”

Charles moved back and sat down, the tension in him shifting from violence to something heavier. His grip tightened around the paper before he exhaled and let it drop beside him.

“In his words,” he said, lifting his fingers into sarcastic quotation marks, “I ruined his life.”

My head tilted, “Did you?”

His gaze met mine, and I could swear there was a little untamed demon in this old man’s eyes that spoke to me, which could explain why I don’t want him dead.

He leaned back into the cushion, fingers tapping against his thigh before he gave a small nod.

“Yeah,” He said, “I kind of did.”

⊹˚₊‧────────────‧₊˚⊹

After the drive back, I dropped Aylin at her place. She wanted to shower, pack, and get some rest before our flight later tonight. I let her and used that free time to go and see Natalie.

Charles didn’t give me much…shocking, right? After our little bonding session, he remembered he hated my existence and went back to glaring at me, then gave me the I-am-watching-your-every-move look when Aylin barged into the room, claiming we were too silent and that scared her.

I rang the bell once, then twice, then a third time, a fourth, fifth, till the door burst open and Nikolas shot me a harsh glare, “What the hell is your problem?”

I smiled, “Hey,” I waved my hand.

I stepped forward, but he blocked the doorway. My gaze lifted to his slowly, my brow raising.

“Did we suddenly become friends?” he grumbled. “Or is there a reason you keep showing up at my house every now and then?”

I shot him a glare and tried to shove him out of my way, this goddamn wall, “I am not here for you,” I said, “I am here for my sister, where is she?”

He muttered something under his breath, and I wanted to flip him off. This nuisance of a man. Natalie looked up the moment I stepped into the living room. She was sitting next to Maria, and unlike her grumpy husband, she smiled, all soft and welcoming.

She got up and walked over, leaning in to press a kiss to my cheek like she’s been doing lately, “Hey, what’s up?”

My lips pressed into a thin line, and I gave her an awkward pat on the back, still trying to adjust to being affectionate toward her. It still doesn’t come naturally to me, I guess.

My attention shifted as Maria tilted her head, watching me. She smiled when our eyes met and waved me over, surrounded by a bunch of papers and crayons. Nikolas was hissing something about me to his wife, bitching as usual, so I tuned him off and walked over to Maria.

I dropped onto the couch beside her, slipping an arm around her small frame and pressing a kiss to the top of her head.

“Hey, you,” I murmured. “What’re you doing?”

“I’m painting,” she said, beaming, holding up her masterpiece.

I squinted at the rubbish explosion of colors.

“Wow,” I muttered, my eyes hurting, “Someone’s got absolutely no talent whatsoever.”

Maria flashed me a very innocent, confused look, to which I only ruffled her hair, smiling at her with pity.

Natalie dropped down on her other side. I glanced at her, “A friendly advice, don’t invest in art school.”

“Hey!” Natalie shot out, then immediately softened as she turned back to her daughter. “It’s perfect, sweetie,” she said, pinching the little girl’s cheek, who totally believed the lie, grabbed another crayon, and resumed vandalizing the poor canvas.

I leaned back with a sigh. “And that,” I muttered, “is how delusions are born.”

“Shush,” Natalie narrowed her eyes at me, “I can’t wait to see what type of father you’d be.”

I smiled, “The coolest ever,” I glanced at Nikolas, “unlike some people.”

He knew I was talking about him, but he didn’t even dignify it with a proper reaction. Just lifted his eyes from his book, gave me a flat look, and went right back to reading.

When he got a phone call and left us alone, I used the opportunity to tell Natalie about our little trip to the summer house, how being there had Aylin fully break down, how it seemed that more memories were clawing back to the surface, doing more damage than good, in my opinion.

Natalie listened intently, and then I asked, “Could it be that…these memories aren’t exactly correct?”

She nodded her head without hesitation, almost like she knew more than she was letting me on, “Yeah, I mean, whether it was her condition that made her forget, or her brain protecting itself, it repressed those memories for a very long time,” She said.

“And repressed memories don’t come back like some kind of recording,” she explained. “They’re reconstructed. Every time the brain tries to access them, it fills in gaps based on emotion, fear, later experiences…even suggestions.”

Reconstructed…Hmm, that tracks.

“She was a child back then,” Natalie went on, “Like I said before, you could never fully trust a child’s memory.” She shrugged, “Her brain might’ve fragmented the memory. Stored pieces of it separately. Sensations, emotions, images…and not necessarily in order.”

Well, yeah, my princess was complex like that.

“So, it might not be the full truth?”

She nodded, “Yeah, or it might be a version of the truth that her mind could handle.”

I huffed out a breath and sank deeper into the couch, my head falling back for a second.

Exhausted didn’t even begin to cover it. Lack of sleep, too much researching, too much medical nonsense, my poor brain needed a goddamn break. Maybe this little getaway could help both her and me.

“You said remembering is the way to healing,” I said, turning my head toward her. “So why does it feel like it’s making things worse?”

“It is, because healing isn’t supposed to feel good, Nathan,” She answered, “It’s brutal, it feels like drowning before it feels like breathing again,” She shook her head, “You don’t get better without bleeding a little first.”

Her word hit me somewhere ugly, somewhere I don’t touch…didn’t even realize it was still there.

It fucking hit a nerve I buried a long time ago and never bothered to dig back up.

I swallowed past that feeling, “Does that…apply to everything?”

“Kind of, yeah.”

My eyes stayed on her a second too long, and the way she looked back, it felt like she could read my inner thoughts, that she could see the things I don’t let anyone see. For a fleeting second, I wanted her to.

I cleared my throat and straightened, pulling myself back together before she could get any closer to something that wasn’t hers to touch. I am here for Aylin, not for me, for god’s sake.

I scrutinized her face for a bit, my eyebrows pulling closer in realization, “It seems that you already knew her memories had gaps in them before I even pointed it out,” I said.

She nodded her head, “Kind of figured it out when she started describing the flashbacks.”

I narrowed my eyes, “I think you know more than that.”

She shrugged.

“Tell me.”

She shook her head, “I can’t.”

“Natalie, what is it that you know?”

She sighed and shook her head, “Look, in my line of work, when we listen to our patients, we more often than not tend to draw out conclusions, sometimes they turn out to be correct, and sometimes they’re wrong—”

“What conclusion did you draw?” I cut in.

She shook her head, “I can’t tell you, it could be wrong,” She said. “She needs to figure it all out on her own, and she will, with time.”

I huffed out a breath, shooting her a look before my gaze drifted to Maria, who was too engrossed in her ugly drawings. “Well, if your conclusion-drawing talent is anything like her artistic talent, I’m not feeling very reassured.”

Natalie gasped at my audacity, “Nathan!”

Maria looked up at me, tilting her head, clutching her little crayon, so very unaware of everything as she smiled at me. I couldn’t help but smile back, lean down, and peck her cheek, “You’re doing great, keep going,” I lied, because who could look at that innocent face and say anything bad.

She resumed the blasphemous painting as my eyes flickered toward the sound of approaching footsteps. Little Nathan walked in with his laptop, showing something to his father. Nikolas leaned in, said something, and they both smiled before he tapped his son’s shoulder fondly.

When they got closer, little Nathan’s eyes landed on me, and his smile fell instantly. He snapped his laptop shut and let out a dramatic breath. “What is he doing here?”

I frowned, “Yeah,” I muttered, glancing at Nikolas, “he definitely gets his manners from you.”

Nikolas didn’t even bother responding, just dropped back onto the couch like this was beneath him.

The kid clearly decided his safest option was to leave before I entertained myself at his expense, so he turned to go—

Which, naturally, I couldn’t allow.

“Yo, little Nathan,” I called after him, “How’s your boyfriend?”

He turned around so fast, his eyes widening in disbelief, “What the fuck is wrong with you?” He shot out angrily.

Natalie immediately clapped her hands over Maria’s ears. “Nathan!” she scolded him.

“Boy…what?” Nikolas muttered, his eyes flickering between his son and me, the color slowly draining from his face.

“Don’t listen to him,” little Nathan grumbled, glaring at me like he was planning my funeral. “He’s just being an asshole.”

“Nathan, language!” Natalie snapped again, eyes wide.

“Tell him,” the kid shot back, pointing at me like I was the root of all evil. Accurate, by the way.

Natalie turned to me, narrowing her eyes before shoving my arm. “Stop teasing my kid,” she hissed.

Nikolas’s gaze slid to Natalie, like he was waiting for instructions or cues on how to handle whatever the hell this was. He seemed slightly shaken off his axis. Haha, I love this.

He looked back at his son, “I mean…Nathan, you could have a…boyfriend if you want, that’s normal,” He muttered, before he brought his hand and scratched the side of his neck, over his scar, almost nervously.

“Not that we would mind or anything…I would just have to meet…him first,” He added, his voice hardening as his hand moved absently to his side, patting his waistband like muscle memory kicked in. “Natalie, where is my gun?”

Natalie exhaled loudly. “Relax. It’s a girlfriend. I’ve seen her.”

“Oh, have you now?” I said, smiling slowly as I looked back at the kid, my brow lifting.

Little Nathan’s face twisted in shock as he turned to his mother. “Seen her how? I mean—seen who?”

Natalie chuckled, “You really thought you could sneak a girl into your room and I wouldn’t notice?” She winked at him, “Come on, I wasn’t born yesterday.”

The kid looked like he was about to combust and burst.

Nikolas, meanwhile, had gone very still. Slowly, his head turned toward his son. “I’d like to meet this girl, too,” he said, his voice calm in that not calm at all way. “Just to…talk,” He added, grumbling, before he tapped for his gun again and didn’t find it, “Natalie, seriously, where is my gun?”

Little Nathan’s glare snapped back to me, pure accusation burning in his eyes, like, god forbid, I’d caused this or something.

I winked at him.

He exhaled sharply, turned around, and started walking away, muttering under his breath, “I can’t wait to move out of here.”

⊹˚₊‧────────────‧₊˚⊹

Aylin’s POV

I’ve had a good day.

A really great day.

Which…feels strange, considering lately, my days have been anything but that.

Nathan and I landed in Paris late last night. By the time we got to the hotel, I was barely functioning, so I just collapsed into bed before we could do a thing.

This morning, Nathan dropped me off, and I met with Lilly and Sally, and from that moment on, we didn’t stop moving.

Lilly had a whole plan.

She dragged us through the city like she was trying to make us fall in love with it the way she did. We started with coffee and croissants at this tiny corner café she adored. Then, we walked, and walked, and walked some more.

We passed by the Seine, stopped on one of the bridges to take a bunch of pictures like the tourists we are. We went to museums. Lilly explained things like she knew what she was talking about, Sally nodded like she understood, and I just…looked.

At the paintings.

At the people.

Totally absorbed by the beauty of it all.

We went street shopping, walked into random boutiques, trying on things we didn’t need. God, it was so much fun.

We ate way too much…crepes, pastries, actual meals in between, more snacks because apparently walking 30,000 steps gives you the right to eat everything. Girl math.

At some point during the day, I stopped thinking.

Stopped remembering.

Stopped…everything.

And just lived.

By the time night fell, Lilly took us to this bohemian-style bar-club place tucked between narrow streets. It was perfect…the dim lights, the music, the people laughing, talking, dancing like no one was watching.

We got our drinks, danced, and laughed, then took too many blurry videos we’ll probably show to no one.

By the time we got back to Lilly’s place, it was well past midnight, and I was running on nothing but exhaustion and whatever sugar and caffeine were still in my system.

After changing into comfy PJs, I sank onto the floor, my back resting against the couch, my knees pulled up as I scrolled through the pictures we took, deciding which ones to share and sending Nathan way too many of them.

Sally was sprawled behind me on the couch, doing the same, while Lilly disappeared into the kitchen, coming back a few minutes later, carefully balancing three mugs in her hands.

She stopped mid-step, her eyes landing on Sally, and a quiet laugh slipped out of her. I turned, already knowing what she saw, and sure enough, Sally was completely passed out, her phone resting on her chest, her head tilted at an angle that definitely wasn’t comfortable.

I laughed under my breath before I fixed her head over the cushion, pulling the throw blanket over her body.

“She was always the first to fall asleep during our sleepovers,” Lilly said, setting the tea mugs down on the coffee table before lowering herself to sit across from me on the floor.

I smiled, the memory coming back so easily it almost hurt. “Yeah, and she never believed us when we told her she snorts.”

Lilly’s eyebrow lifted as she picked up her tea. “Oh, I still have a video that proves that very clearly.”

I let out a soft laugh, reaching for my mug, the warmth settling into my hands as that deep, satisfying exhaustion spread through me.

God, I missed this. I missed these two way too much. After I ruined my friendship with Lilly, I automatically lost Sally, too. Then, after that, I never really had this again. I had people, sure. Friends, technically…those I’ve met at college and at work, but it was never this kind of friendship. This real, authentic one.

This was so rare, and I had it once, and I ruined it, too.

My finger traced the rim of the mug slowly, my eyes lifting to Lilly. She was engrossed in her phone, typing something, her lips tilting softly at whatever messages she was receiving.

“Lilly,” I called quietly.

Her eyes lifted, still smiling, “Yeah?”

“Thank you…for this, for today, for inviting me over,” I said, “I don’t think anyone else would’ve done that, considering…everything we went through.”

Ever since that pregnancy scare moment I shared with her, we texted more often than not, and she’d randomly call me sometimes. I still couldn’t understand how she could get close to me again, even after everything I made her go through.

“Don’t be silly,” she said, brushing it off with that familiar Lilly tone I used to know so well. “We had so much fun today.”

I nodded, but it didn’t sit right just leaving it there.

I placed my mug down gently, shifting my body toward her, my hands resting in my lap. “Can we…talk about it?” I mumbled, “You know, the big elephant in the room?”

She rested her phone down, scrunching her nose in discomfort, “Do we have to?”

I nodded, needing to get it off my chest for once, “Lilly, I’ve wronged you a lot, since…since we were young and back in high school, I…” My chest tightened as the memories came back, clearer than I wanted them to be.

“It probably started for you when I tried to break you and Chase up. I…god, I was young and stupid, and that’s no excuse, I know, but sometimes when I think about it, I don’t even understand why I wanted him so bad, why I had this…this obsession with him. I used to think that if I had him, then everything in my messy life would fall into place.”

Her brows pulled together as I seemed to drag her back to those times, like she was seeing that version of me again. “God, not going to lie, but…I hated you so much back then,” She whispered.

I nodded, my throat tightening, tears stinging before I could stop them. “I know,” I whispered, “And I envied you so much that at one point, I think that I started to…hate you, because only someone who hates you would hurt you the way I did, right?” I added, the emotions clogging my throat.

She looked away from me, her chin wobbling slightly as she fought her own tears, “I still remember that day like it was yesterday.”

She looked back at me, her eyes misting with tears, “When you told us that you’ve slept with him, god, it felt like you ripped my heart out and stepped on it over and over again, because it wasn’t just about him, it was about you, my best friend.”

Her hand pressed lightly against her chest, like she could still feel it there. “Out of everyone, it was you.”

“And I was lying,” I said quietly, the memory settling wrong in my chest, like something I still couldn’t fully process yet.

She nodded, “Which was worse, because it wasn’t a mistake, you chose it, you lied to me on purpose, you lied so you’d hurt me, so you’d push me away from him, and it worked,” She shook her head, “God, Aylin, you had everything, why…why did you envy me?”

I shook my head slowly, my vision blurring at the edges.

“I didn’t…I didn’t have everything.” Not even close. “Do you remember how I was always finding excuses to stay over at your place? I was just trying to run away from home, from mom and dad. I think I always knew that they hated me,” I was just too young to come to terms with that fact.

“I’d watch your parents, the way they dotted over you, spoiled you, looked at you like you were their everything, loved you so easily and…”

And I couldn’t understand it.

Why did it come so naturally to them?

Why did it never come like that for me?

“I’d see the way Chase took care of you, the way his attention was always on you, when he barely even looked at anyone else, and how you were so clueless, it used to make me…jealous, it was wrong, pathetic even, but I admit it, I was so jealous. I hated that you had all of it without even trying.”

My fingers curled slightly into my palm. “I used to think that you didn’t deserve it, because you were always complaining.”

She nodded, “Yeah, well, I was pretty stupid back then,” She muttered sarcastically, wiping under her eyes with the back of her hand, “I took everything in my life for granted, and I paid the price for that in a very ugly way.”

I didn’t know everything, not the details, but I knew enough to understand that whatever she went through these past years…it wasn’t easy.

On instinct, my hand reached forward, it curled over hers, like I wanted to reassure her, to soothe her, to take some of her pain, as if I was capable of that.

She looked down at our hands, and she didn’t pull back, instead, she brought her other hand over it. “That’s how I know that…we make mistakes, all of us, we screw up sometimes, and we end up hurting the people closest to us.”

Her eyes flickered up to mine, speaking from experience, “We regret it, we replay it over and over, wishing they’d forgive us, wishing we could take it back, fix it, undo it, and it kills us when we realize…sometimes we can’t.”

I nodded my head, more tears slipping free, “Do you…do you forgive me?”

For a long second, I thought she wouldn’t answer.

Then she nodded, “Yeah,” A tear slipped down her cheek, “and I am…I am sorry too.”

That broke something in me.

Before I could stop myself, I pushed myself forward, wrapping my arms around her, pulling her into me like I was trying to hold onto something I thought I’d lost forever.

She hugged me back instantly, tighter, burying her face into my shoulder.

I squeezed my eyes shut.

“I’m so sorry, Lilly,” I whispered, the words breaking apart as I said them. “I’m…I’m so sorry for everything, but I think…this is just who I am, I have this broken thing in me, something wrong that I can’t fix, and I end up hurting everyone…I hurt mom, dad, and grandpa, and I hurt you, I…I—”

She pulled back, her hands cupping my face, “Hey, hey,” She tried to calm me down as I unraveled, “Hey, don’t say that.”

I shook my head, unable to stop the way everywhere was hurting again, “I am so scared, Lilly.”

She nodded, “I know, I know,” She said, brushing my tears away, “But it’s gonna be okay.”

“It won’t. I have this…thing in my brain,” I said, pressing the heel of my palm against my temple like I could push it out, silence it, “and it feels like it’s going to take everything from me.”

Everything.

Everyone.

She shook her head, “No, you can’t think like that, we are going to find a way,” She said in determination, “Nathan will not stop till he finds a way, you know him, he is stubborn like that.”

If possible, my heart cracked even more.

Because she was right, and that made it worse.

“I even hurt him, can you believe that?” I mumbled, “I am so terrified of doing it again, I don’t want to hurt him, Lilly, he is…he is the only one who’s seen all of me and accepted it, he is the only one who doesn’t flinch away at my flaws, he doesn’t walk away when things get hard. He just…”

He stays.

When I am with him, I am me, I don’t fake a thing, I don’t grasp for control, I simply let go.

I looked at her, my breath unsteady, my chest folding in on itself like it couldn’t hold everything at once. “I don’t want to hurt him again, Lilly.”

I don’t want to be to him what grandma was to grandpa. I don’t want him to go through that life with me…a life where love feels like survival, where staying becomes a slow kind of dying.

Because that’s how it feels, like something in me destroys everything it touches.

The worst part is that he wouldn’t leave, he’d stay, he’d fight my demons, he’d try to save me…until I’m the thing that breaks him.

A sick thought crept in, maybe…maybe the only way to stop that from happening is to leave first.

To cut the roots before it rots.

To be the one who walks away…before I turn into something that takes him down with me.

Lilly shook her head, dragging me out of my dark thoughts, “You won’t, okay? You need to believe in that and in yourself,” She said, “I know, with certainty, that you are going to get so much better, and it is all going to work out in the end.”

I let out a shaky breath, not sure I deserved that kind of certainty.

“Believe me, we need you to keep Nathan off the edge,” She added, part playful to shake me back, “The world is a much safer place when he’s with you,” she went on, nudging my knee lightly. “You’re basically doing a public service at this point. Seriously, girl.”

I huffed out a breath, something loosening in my chest despite everything.

Lilly’s lips lifted into a smile, and she brushed the tears away from my face, “It’s going to get better, and through it all, you’ll have Nathan and me, okay?”

My lips tilted up somberly, leaning into her palm, “My life sucked a lot when I didn’t have you in it, Lilly,” I whispered.

She tucked my hair behind my ear, “Believe me, mine sucked a whole a lot, too. It wasn’t easy for me to reach…here,” She added, her eyes drifting around the house, addressing her somewhat peaceful life with Chase.

My gaze followed, settling on a framed picture across the room, one that looked like it was taken back at that party that Sally threw for her. After Lilly was out of the hospital, the one where I bumped into Nathan, for the second time after our crazy moment on that airplane.

They looked to be mid-dancing, swaying to some music. Lilly is looking up at Chase, and he has his arm wrapped around her waist, both smiling, both relaxed, both so happy, like the world had finally given them something back.

A small smile pulled at my lips, involuntarily. I didn’t ruin that, not completely. They still found their way back, still fit together in that effortless, undeniable way that I used to envy.

“I am so happy you two found your way back to each other.” This was the first time I said it and actually meant it. They made so much sense together, which is why he and I never worked. Thank god, we didn’t work. All that heartbreak, for once, I was grateful for it.

“I don’t know if you believe me or not, but Lilly, I really have no feelings—nothing at all—toward him anymore,” I said quietly. “It took me a long time to get here…to even understand it, but it happened. That version of me? She’s gone. I buried her somewhere along the way.”

Lilly nodded, “Yeah, I kind of picked up on that,” she said simply. “So…yeah, I believe you.”

My shoulders dropped, relief washing through me in a quiet wave.

Lilly’s lips twitched, “So now, let’s discuss the other person you might have feelings for,” She added teasingly, wiggling her brows.

I gulped down, “Oh, that?”

She nodded her head multiple times, “Yeah…soooo, you love Nathan, don’t you?”

My face instantly heated, and I covered it with my hands. “Unfortunately…yeah. I do.”

She chuckled, then threw an arm around my shoulders and yanked me into her side.

“God, this is epic, you two are so disgustingly in love, it’s so adorable, I wanna be the maid of honor by the way, also you might as well name your firstborn after me. I am, after all, the reason you bumped into each other again and started this insanity.”

She didn’t stop…

“Wait though…on your wedding day, will I be on the bride’s side or the groom’s, considering you’re my friend, but he is also related to me, hmm,” She waved her hand, “don’t worry, we’ll figure out the seating arrangements later on…”

I huffed out an embarrassed breath and looked at her as she went full on Lilly. God, she was always way too energetic for me, yet somehow, she balanced me out in a way.

“I’ve known Nathan for like three, four years, and never did I see him so whipped. It’s karma, for sure, since he always made fun of me. It’s finally my turn,” She added, smirking, “Who knew Nathan could fall in love, huh? It’s so absurd.”

I swallowed hard, “He is not in…love, I guess.”

Lilly’s brows shot up. “Oh, please.”

“I’m serious—”

“I call bullshit,” she cut in immediately. “He is so in love, it’s actually embarrassing, even more than you are. He is just stupid and emotionally constipated. It’s a condition, I would know, that’s why he wouldn’t know how to express it, I am sure.”

I shook my head, half laughing, half wanting to disappear.

“He’ll get there,” she said confidently. “Or you’ll drag it out of him. Either way, I’m seated front row for the breakdown.”

She clapped her hands enthusiastically, and that was apparently enough to finally wake Sally up.

Sally groaned from the couch, blinking her eyes open, squinting at us like we personally offended her by talking. “Hey…you guys having fun without me?” she mumbled, stretching as she sat up, her phone tumbling to the floor.

Lilly immediately waved her over. “C’mere, we’re planning Aylin’s wedding.”

“We are not—”

Sally froze mid-yawn, then her eyes lit up.

“Oh my God…wait, what did I miss?” she gasped, suddenly wide awake as she rushed over and dropped beside us. “Can I be the flower girl?”

“What—no! I am not getting married!”

“You will, you will,” Lilly waved me off like I was irrelevant in my own life.

“Okay, so first, Conner and I are getting married,” Sally said, counting on her fingers, “then you and…” She squinted, “…what’s his name…oh, Louis, right? God, he and Christian used to annoy the crap out of me—”

My brows pulled together. “No, it’s—”

Lilly’s head snapped toward her, her eyes widening, shooting Sally a somewhat warning look, “It’s Nathan,” she cut in quickly, way too quickly. “Nathan, Sally. You’re still half asleep.”

Sally blinked.

Then her lips formed a slow “O.”

“Ohhh—yeah. Nathan. Right, true, true, that was his other name, sorry, I keep forgetting,” She said, her words feeding my confusion.

“His other what?”

Lilly shoved Sally, playfully, then chuckled nervously, “Sally, go back to sleep, I think you are still dreaming, babe.”

Only then did Sally seem to realize she had almost said something. She flashed me a smile, a very bright one, “Nathan,” she repeated. “Yeah. His only name. Why would he have another name?” she added, letting out a laugh.

“Silly me. I’m just so tired,” She faked a yawn, “Just ignore me.”

“So anyway,” she rushed on, words tumbling over each other, “you and Nathan, then Lilly and Chase, and wow, I really can’t believe I’m the first one getting married out of the three of us. That’s insane—”

I nodded, smiled, and let it pass.

Because it was nothing, just Sally being Sally.

Just—

It was nothing, right?

Right. Yeah, yeah, it felt like nothing—except it didn’t.

⊹˚₊‧──────────────────‧₊˚⊹

Author’s note:

Hey and happy Eid to
those celebrating! 🍬

I hope you liked the chapter!
Now, let’s hope Aylin doesn’t punish our crazy boy again after she learns about his past xD

See ya soon 🩶