Chapter 51

“This isn’t heartbreak.
This is amputation without anesthesia,
and I chose the cut.
No gentle fade, no slipping into black,
just bone and breath and breaking…
and no coming back.“

Nathan’s POV

My brain is broken, literally.

It’s malfunctioning, glitching, freezing mid-thought like a corrupted file that refuses to open.

It won’t process.

It won’t line things up, won’t make sense of anything, won’t even do what it’s supposed to do, take chaos and turn it into something usable.

It’s just…stuttering, stopping, rewinding, cutting off.

There’s this…pressure inside my skull. It hurts so fucking bad. I don’t like it. I don’t like not being able to think. I don’t like not being able to control it.

So I do the only thing I could, I shut it down completely. I kill every thought, every image and voice, everything that isn’t her.

That’s how I ended up here, how I bribed my way into the ICU to steal a glimpse of her. Maybe seeing her would fix this thing in my brain, would allow me to think again, to make decisions, to figure out what the next step should be…to just fucking breathe.

I stopped next to the bed, some invisible wall hitting me, refusing to let me move closer.

She’s…

Fuck.

She’s not supposed to look like that.

The bed swallowed her whole. She looked so small, so soft for this cruel world, fragile in a way that made the devil in me roar…it wanted to strip the world of its color, bleed it dry, leave it as hollow and grey as what they turned her into.

She looked so pale, my beautiful princess, so white against the red walls closing in on me. A thick bandage wrapped around her neck, hiding beneath it her pulse and the mess she made out of it, the mess I indirectly caused.

My heart fucking broke. I didn’t know it could do that, didn’t know it was capable of anything other than beating and keeping me alive out of pure stubbornness, but I could feel it now, splitting open beneath my ribs, shattering, not a clue how to rebuild itself.

Machines filled the silence, soft beeping in a controlled rhythm that wasn’t hers, and I hated it. I fucking hated it, because I know her rhythm. I know exactly how it feels under my fingers, and this—this isn’t it.

I lifted my hand, brought it forward, but it froze, an invisible opposing force pushing it back, preventing me from touching her. Maybe I’ve lost that right.

My fingers twitched in midair. I curled them into a fist and let my hand fall back to my side. My eyelids slid shut, and I tilted my head back, forcing my gaze to the ceiling, trying to gather some strength and willpower.

I knew I wouldn’t last standing like that, not without breaking open. So I lowered myself slowly, crouching beside the bed. My hand reached for hers, resting limply against the sheets, another bandage wrapped around her palm.

My chin pressed against the mattress as I carefully curled my fingers over hers, turning her hand ever so carefully. My fingertips brushed over the small cuts along her fingers before I brought her hand closer, my lips grazing each cut, almost featherlight, like I could undo them if I traced them enough times.

There was more than one, on every finger, from how tightly she gripped that goddamn shard of glass.

My eyes flickered to her peaceful face, “What should I do now?” I whispered, “I want to kill her, I really do. Her presence alone hurts you, but so does mine, so what the fuck does that mean?”

The me before her wouldn’t have hesitated, would’ve crushed the problem at its root, erased it. Riley would’ve been nothing but a name that stopped existing the second she crossed me, and god, I wanted to. Still do.

But I couldn’t, so I locked her up instead. For now. Until I decide what to do with her.

I couldn’t have her roaming freely, not after the way she spoke, and don’t even get me started on her connection to Nathan…well, it didn’t matter. I’ll break the little kid’s heart if I have to.

The thing is, I don’t care what kind of life she had. Empathy wasn’t one of my virtues, but unfortunately for me, Aylin has become the mercy my darkness holds, so I couldn’t fucking do anything she wouldn’t approve of.

My fingers kept brushing her hand, warming it up. She must be cold. I didn’t want her to be cold.

“Why did you do this, Aylin, why…” I murmured against her skin, my lips grazing her knuckles, my thumb tracing the edge of the bandage, “I would’ve done anything you wanted…anything. I would’ve left. Disappeared. Gone so far you’d never have to see me again.”

A bitter breath slipped out of me, “But you didn’t believe me, you knew I was so selfish when it came to you, but…”

I lifted my eyes to her face, wishing she’d open those pretty eyes and look at me, “But how can I be selfish when it’s your health on the line…baby, I could never…”

I shook my head, “So what do I do now?” I whispered, “What do you want me to do?”

I knew the answer to that, but my broken brain refused it, and my heart screamed, it fucking wailed, shutting down every path that ended with me breaking a little more than I already had.

“Should I do what I do best…set the whole world on fire and not give a single damn about the consequences, or,” My lips twitched faintly, “or do I stick to this little character development arc you forced on me and behave…and not take a single risk?”

I brushed one last kiss over her knuckles before I let go of her hand and slowly pushed myself up. I wanted to touch her cheek, brush her hair from her face, but I don’t know why I couldn’t, why I was so fucking terrified.

Instead, I brushed her hand again, “I will be back,” I mumbled, not ready to make that decision yet, “I’ll stay…till you wake up at least, okay, princess?”

Till then, I would’ve made my decision.

I stepped out of the room after, muttered a thank you to the nurse who let me in, and moved down the hallway, thinking of what to do next.

Sitting there, waiting, doing nothing? Yeah, that’s not happening. That’s how people lose their minds. Mine’s already hanging by a thread, I’m not about to help it snap.

Nikolas and Natalie had left, mostly because I told Natalie to leave me the fuck alone. She didn’t take it well. She’s stubborn as hell, this sister of mine, must run in the family or something. I tried not to think much about the fact that I kind of…hugged her husband, or allowed him to hug me.

Yeah, that happened. Let’s just…never unpack that. Ever.

I exhaled slowly, dragging a hand down my face. This is exactly why I shouldn’t be left alone to my devices.

Charles hadn’t left either. He stayed planted outside, waiting for the doctor to clear Aylin so he could finally see her. Her parents stayed too, at a very far, very safe distance from him. Adrian had his arms wrapped around his ex-wife, holding her against his chest…huh, looks like tragedy brings people together.

I wonder what she’ll think of her ex-husband when she learns all about Riley.

I’m still sure it’s him. It has his fingerprints all over it. He took Riley away, raised her, hid her, protected her, and supplied her with the means she needed to become the perfect stalker.

Maybe he didn’t mean to create a fucking psychopath, but intent doesn’t matter much when the outcome is standing there, breathing, threatening to break the only thing that matters to me.

His glare hit me as I passed them, and I resisted the urge to slam his face into the nearest fucking wall.

Instead, I kept moving straight toward Charles. My gaze dragged over him, checking for anything out of place. Old man looked like he was one bad news away from having a heart attack or something. That would be an inconvenience. I needed him around for Aylin’s safety in case I…

Okay, we are not thinking about that right now.

His eyes flickered up to me, one brow lifting slightly at how close I’d gotten, “You feel alright?” I asked, my eyes narrowing, “Any left-arm pain or chest tightness? Are you breathing well? How old are you, anyway?”

His brows pulled closer, “What the fuck do you want?”

“And here I thought we had a bonding moment earlier,” I mumbled lowly, “Anyway, I’ve got things to do, so if Adrian tries to do something to you, call me.”

He shot me an incredulous look, “I am older than you, kid, I can protect myself just fine.”

“Still, if I let you die, Aylin would never forgive me.” Not that this would matter anymore, “So, stay alive till I come back, deal?”

He exhaled sharply, annoyance bleeding through every line of his face as he looked away, done with me, but I couldn’t care less as I tapped his shoulder fondly and walked off before he could decide to break my hand for it.

I called Adam on my way out. I’ve left him with Riley, make sure the little psycho won’t escape and ruin my night any further. I got the location from him, the place Aylin had gone to this morning, and headed there without wasting another second.

I reached the address, my eyes flickering around, trying to understand what this place meant. It was very late, barely any soul left outside on the road, so picking up the lock wasn’t that hard. I searched for light, turned it on as I walked further in, discovering the…gallery, I suppose?

Paintings and framed pictures lined the walls. I kept moving, slower now, slipping into every corner, reading the space, looking for cracks, for purpose, for something that explains why the hell she’d come here…

Oh.

My feet froze when I reached a significant wall, much like each of those previous ones…this one held framed pictures, but all of which included Aylin. Fucking hell. All taken from a distance, effortlessly capturing her beauty.

Jesus fucking christ, this is creepy, even for me…

My gaze dragged across them, one by one, until it snagged on the one in the middle. I froze at the familiarity of it, my heart nearly bursting out of my chest. I stepped closer without thinking, my hand already reaching into my pocket, pulling my wallet out.

I opened it, looked down, looked back up. Same picture, just a larger version. It was her and me, the one from Maria’s birthday party, the one little Nathan took of us. What the fuck…

My jaw clenched, and I turned on my heel, rushing back outside. I got into the car and drove off before I could think twice.

When I reached Natalie’s house, I didn’t bother with etiquette at this hour. I rang the bell once, twice, then kept going, pressing it over and over again till the door burst open mid-ring, Natalie’s eyes widening in worry and confusion, “Nath…what the…what’s wrong?”

“Where is your son?” I asked, already pushing past her.

She blinked, caught off guard. “What?”

I huffed under my breath and kept moving, taking the stairs two at a time. She followed right behind me. “Nathan, what’s wrong? Slow down—”

I barely heard her and was pushing his door open. He was halfway through pulling a t-shirt over his head, hair still wet from his shower, I suppose, a few water droplets dripping down his neck. He turned in shock, his eyes widening at the intrusion.

“Jesus—what the hell is wrong with you?” he snapped, yanking the shirt down. “People knock first.”

I moved into the room, “Did you know?” I gritted out, clenching and unclenching my hand on the side so I won’t do any physical harm.

His brows pulled closer, his eyes flickering from me to his mother, “Know what?”

I took another step closer, “Did you know who she is? Did you know what she was doing? Answer me—” my jaw tightened, “—and don’t you dare lie to me.”

His confusion deepened, lines cutting across his forehead. “Know…who? What are you even saying?”

“Nathan, what are you talking about?” Natalie asked me, coming closer, in between us as if to build a safe distance, probably reading my hostile energy.

My jaw clenched, and I averted my gaze from him and looked around his room, my eyes trying to catch something, anything. I moved, opened drawers, and shut them, moving to his desk and rampaging through his things

“What are you doing?” he snapped, frustration breaking through. “Mom, can you control your brother for god’s sake!”

She shot him a stern look at his tone before turning back to me, stepping closer. “Nathan, you’re not making any sense,” she said, her voice slightly careful. Her hand reached for my arm, as if to pull me from some edge, “What’s wrong? Did something happen to Aylin?”

I pulled my arm from her touch and looked back at him. “Where is your camera?”

His brows pulled tighter. “Why?”

“Where is it?”

“I lent it to a friend,” he said slowly, suspicion creeping in now as he eyed me. “Why are you asking?”

I nodded my head and moved to him, my hand clamping over his arm, “Okay, you’re coming with me.”

He jerked back immediately. “No, I’m not.”

Natalie stepped in fast, tearing my hand off him, her eyes widening at me. “Nathan, stop it. What is happening?”

I ignored her and focused my gaze on him, “I said, you’re coming with me, now,” I stated.

His eyebrow raised, and he crossed his arms over his chest, “Yeah, last time I did that, you threw me off a fucking cliff.”

I nodded, “Correct, and if you don’t come with me now, I will be throwing Riley off a fucking cliff.”

That did it.

His posture snapped, fully shaken off his axis as his arms fell from over his chest, his eyes widening in alert, “Wha—” he choked, pushing past his mother and straight into me, his fist curling into my shirt. “How do you know that name? What did you do? Where is she?”

Rage flooded his eyes, darkening the blue, bleeding into red along his neck. Hmm. I exhaled slowly, some of the tension bleeding out of my shoulders. He doesn’t know, at least.

I brought my hands up, resting them over his, peeling his grip off my shirt with controlled ease.

“Okay, this is bad…this is really bad,” I mumbled, shaking my head with a sigh, “I really fucking wish it was a boyfriend,” I muttered under my breath, hating the fact that I was going to break his heart, one way or another.

“Answer me, how do you know her?” he snapped again, ready to lunge, but Natalie moved between us, stopping him before he could.

“I don’t understand a damn thing,” She shot out, her voice turning sharper as she looked between us, her furious glare mainly aimed at me, “What is happening, and who is Riley?”

“I’ll tell you about it later,” I told her, my eyes going back to the kid’s icy blue ones, his nostrils flaring as he held me with a glare, probably thinking of the worst scenarios ever, his entire body coiled like he was one second away from swinging.

I jerked my head toward the door. “You and I need to talk,” I said. “Come on.”

He was more than ready to step forward, but his mother’s hand shot up, stopping him, her eyes only on me, “You can talk right here, you aren’t taking him anywhere.”

My jaw ticked at the insinuation behind her words. Did she have the absolute right not to trust me? Sure. Was I ever going to harm him in any way? Definitely not, even if he was in on it with Riley’s plan, I still wouldn’t have hurt the little kid, but I would’ve done wonders to his so-called girlfriend as payback. I am nothing if not petty.

“Natalie,” I said in a warning tone.

“Nathan,” Her jaw clenched, “I get that you’re not having the best day, but keep him out of it.”

“I am not going to hurt him, you crazy woman,” I grumbled, annoyed at her, “Your son and I need to talk about his girlfriend, who happens to be Aylin’s long lost sister, who might’ve been playing him since the beginning, so if you could step back, please, that’d be great.”

“What?” Little Nathan’s voice came out low, stunned, the furrow in his brows deepening as that lost look settled into his eyes. Yeah. He had no clue, which somehow made this ten times worse.

Natalie recovered faster than I expected, connecting dots and putting one and two together. Her throat bobbed, her gaze flickering to him, then back to me, her brows pulling tighter. “You’ll talk right here—”

Little Nathan’s patience was officially nonexistent at this point. He pushed past her before she could even finish. “Mom, stop,” he grumbled, already irritated, “I’m not a kid. I can look after myself.”

His hand curled over my arm, pushing me forward toward the door, “Come on, let’s go.”

Natalie’s eyes widened, and she threw her arms in the air in exasperation, “When did you turn into a grump like your father?” she grumbled, shooting both him and me a glare.

“I will bring him back in one piece, promise,” I told her quickly as I stepped out, the kid already moving ahead of me, much faster.

She followed after us anyway, still complaining and whining, trying to stop us even after we walked out. Little Nathan was already outside, pacing near the car, all that urgency bleeding through every movement of his, probably expecting me to take him directly to Riley.

Natalie’s eyes flickered from him to me, “Nathan, if anything happens to him, I swear to god—”

I leaned closer and held her face in both hands, the gesture so sudden it had her shut up, her eyes widening in shock.

“Nothing will ever happen to him under my supervision. Now go back to sleep, and if Nikolas comes and asks about him, probably tell him he’s asleep, because we both know he’d kill me if he learns about this, and you love me too much for that to happen,” I leaned in and pecked her cheek, “Sweet dreams, big sister.”

I left her standing there on the porch, stunned into silence for once in her life, and headed for the car. Little Nathan was practically vibrating beside it, all that anger and panic and whatever else boiling under his skin.

I unlocked the car, and he got in fast, slamming the door hard enough to break it.

“Easy,” I muttered in annoyance, sliding into the driver’s seat.

He shot me a glare, “Start talking,” he ordered, this little insolent thing. I think I love him.

I pulled the car forward and told him everything I knew so far, from start to end, about Riley and Aylin, their past, and her showing up now, including our little meet-up today, her words, and the fact that I locked her up somewhere.

He stayed silent all through, just listening to me, his eyes fixed on the road ahead, not once glancing at my side. His jaw locked so tight, his elbow pressed against the door, his head resting against his palm, his feet restlessly tapping the floor every now and then.

“Take me to her,” were the only words he muttered, his voice almost neutral.

I parked the car by the gallery. “I’ll show you something first,” I said, already stepping out. “Come on.”

I didn’t turn back to check. He was already following me. I pushed the door open and stepped inside the gallery again. His eyes flickered around immediately, same confusion, same unease creeping in as he tried to understand his surroundings.

I led him straight to that wall, didn’t say a word, just stepped aside and let it hit him. He blinked in shock, his eyes moving from one picture to the next.

He stepped forward slowly, his hand lifted, hesitating for a second before touching the edge of one frame, as if checking if it was even real.

He stepped back again, looking at all of them, “These were taken by my camera, that filter and lens…it’s…” His jaw tightened, the words no longer forming. His hand dragged up to the back of his head, fingers curling into his hair, tugging slightly at the strands at the end, as if to ground himself into the moment.

He sucked in a deep breath, didn’t waste more time, and turned around. “Let’s go,” he said, his voice too controlled for everything I had dumped on him.

I followed him outside, got into the car, and took him straight to her, without muttering a single word. I allowed him to process it, sit with it, and let it sink in. I didn’t voice out my assumptions, how I was a hundred percent sure she was only using him from the start. I wanted him to figure it out on his own. He knew her better than me, after all, or at least, he thought he did.

When we arrived, he stayed in the car for a very long moment before he finally got out, as if prolonging the inevitable.

Adam spotted me first and let out a somewhat relieved sigh. My eyebrow raised as I questioned the cut near his mouth, the one slightly bleeding still. “She is fucking crazy, I hate her,” He said with a loud, frustrated breath as he rubbed the corner of his mouth. 

I nodded, fully agreeing. His eyes flickered to the kid next, his brows pulling together, a silent question thrown my way.

I shook my head with a sigh, “Don’t even ask,” I mumbled, my mind too exhausted for any of this.

I moved forward, unlocked the door, and stepped aside, giving him space. His eyes went to me for a brief second before he walked inside.

He spotted her, sitting against the wall, knees pulled up, chin resting over them, folding herself into something smaller. His entire body went rigid, tension coiled in his shoulders, his earlier control snapping in two as he quickly rushed to her side.

Her head snapped up at the sound of his footsteps, and she scrambled to her feet, stumbling straight into him just as he reached her.

He gathered her up, holding her so very tight, and she clutched onto him, “Nathan,” I heard her low, shaky voice as she buried herself into his embrace. His eyes pressed shut, his hand cradling the back of her head, bunching up in her hair, the other locked around her back.

Oh, you poor kid…too early for your first heartbreak.

He pulled back slightly, just enough to look at her. His hand moved to her hair, brushing it away from her face, cupping her cheek like she was something fragile. “Are you okay?”

She looked up at him with big, tearful, innocent eyes that would deceive anyone. I didn’t buy it for a second. She nodded her head, her eyes flickering to me, and she cowered into his hold in fake fear, “He…he locked me up in here.”

Yeah, liar, she was practically kicking and punching me as I dragged her here. She didn’t look scared then, and I am pretty sure she is not now.

“Riley,” little Nathan said ever so softly, brushing her cheek, tucking her short brown hair behind her ear, “Is it true?”

She shook her head, “I don’t know what he told you, but you can’t believe him. He said he wanted to kill me, Nathan,” She sniffled, more tears gathering in her eyes. I rolled mine at her dramatics.

“He won’t,” He said, ever so sure, and I glared at the back of his head in annoyance, “But tell me, is it true…about Aylin?”

She shook her head, her voice rising with frustration, “I didn’t do anything to her! She’s the one who hurt me…I told you, I told you everything! How my sister treated me, how grandpa wanted me dead, I didn’t do anything to them, I swear!”

“I know,” he murmured, brushing her tears away, his thumb lingering just a second longer than needed. “I know…”

But his eyes…they didn’t soften at all this time.

“But you told me that you never saw her again, how your father never let you, you told me you didn’t know where she is, who she was,” He called her out on her lie. I knew he was a smart one.

“I didn’t know her when I told you,” she lied, again, surprise surprise there, “He is the one who found me,” She pointed at me, making me the villain of her little play, “who told me about her, threatened that he’d hurt me if I came near her, but I didn’t…I didn’t do anything.”

I rolled my eyes, “Here we fucking go,” I grumbled, “Was it law or theatre you were enrolled in, you little liar? Because this performance?” I wanted to clap, “Impressive.”

Her eyes flickered to me for half a second, but Nathan didn’t even glance my way, all of his attention was locked on her.

She turned back to him, those wide, tearful puppy eyes snapping into place again, her lips trembling just enough to sell it. “You’re not gonna believe him over me, Nathan…will you?” she whispered.

“You see, that’s the fucked-up part…” he said quietly, his grip tightening around her arm, “I do.”

Her throat bobbed, lines tightening her forehead at his words.

“I saw the pictures, Riley, you took them, using my camera, the one I gave you, so how come you didn’t know about her, then?”

Her expression shifted slightly, caught off guard for the first time. Her eyes dropped to his hand around her arm, her voice lowering, “Nathan…you’re hurting me,” she murmured, slightly flinching.

He let go of her, slightly harsher than I expected, to which she stumbled back into the wall, her breath hitching as her eyes widened. Her gaze darted to the side, ready to sidestep him, but his hand slammed against the wall beside her face, caging her in before she could move.

She froze, then slowly, she looked up at him, blinking in shock.

“Tell me the truth,” He said, his voice void of any emotion.

“I told you,” she started quickly, the tremble creeping back into her voice. “You’re just choosing not to believe me—”

“How could I believe you?” He shot out, his jaw ticking, “When he stayed at our place, you were with me that night. I woke up to find you downstairs, and you said you were only getting water, but I am pretty sure I saw you going through his phone. I didn’t understand it back then, but it’s making so much sense now.”

My eyes widened, totally not aware of this, “You little shit,” I grumbled, glaring at her, recalling the time I passed out on their couch, right before I went back to Aylin, right before I took her to the cabin that she followed us to.

I underestimated her, it seems. She really was the perfect stalker.

Riley’s jaw tightened in irritation, then the act started slipping. That fearful, tearful look started to fade away, the softness draining from her face. “Okay, this is getting annoying,” she mumbled, bringing her hand to her face, wiping the fake tears from over her cheek.

The lines in her forehead smoothed out as she slipped back into her real self.

“No hard feelings, Nathan,” She said, ever so casually, “you are adorable, really, and the sex was great, but,” She shrugged, “I don’t really give a crap about you.”

I grimaced. Yeah, now, I want to kill her.

Nathan’s arm dropped from the wall, he took one step back, and without a single word, turned around and walked out.

I shot a glare at her, “This is not over, I am coming back for you,” I told her, pointing my finger, “I’ll go do some research first, see how bad it is to hit a girl…and if it’s not too terrible, I’m bashing your head into that wall.”

She rolled her eyes, ever unimpressed. God, I hate her. I locked the door and rushed after him. He was already past the car, walking too far.

“Nathan—wait,” I called out, catching up, my hand finally closing around his arm, forcing him to stop. “Hold on.”

He didn’t turn right away. His shoulders were way too tight for my liking.

“To be honest,” I started, because apparently I enjoy making things worse, “you deserve better, you know that, also your parents wouldn’t have liked her either, trust me, we don’t need to add more crazy genes into the family—”

I didn’t get to finish because he turned around so fast and his fist connected with my jaw without a single warning.

It was totally unexpected and took me way off guard. My head snapped to the side, the taste of iron flooding my mouth as I staggered back half a step. He yanked his arm free, already pulling back for another swing, his eyes blazing…no, not blazing, burning fire.

I caught his fist mid-air this time, gripping it tight. “Okay,” I grumbled, wincing slightly, “I might’ve deserved the first one, but it’s enough.”

I let go of his hand and rubbed at my jaw, “Someone’s been practicing, huh?” I said, slightly amused.

His jaw clenched hard enough to crack, “What the hell do you want from me?” he snapped, his voice breaking through the control he’d been clinging to earlier. His eyes were wild now, red bleeding into his skin, his face flushed with something too raw to name.

He shoved me back, harder this time. “What do you want from me?” he shot out again, another shove. “Isn’t everything you’ve done enough already?”

I let him push me, didn’t stop him. I guess he needed it.

“Okay, okay,” I said, steadying myself, raising my hands, “I get it. You’re angry, and you are choosing to blame me and make me the villain of the day…fair, I play that role very well, but how the hell was I supposed to know about this?”

His fist clenched on the side, ready to punch me again.

“You could’ve at least told me something when I kept pestering you,” I went on, “but instead you made me believe you had a boyfriend, which, by the way, if you’re open to switching lanes, I highly recommend it.”

I nodded my head thoughtfully, “Guys are simple, predictable, and very low maintenance,” I sighed, “Girls, on the other hand, are hella complicated,” I pointed my thumb over my shoulder toward the building we’d just left, “Exhibit A.”

“You are not going to kill her, or hurt her in any way, you hear me?” He said, almost ordering me.

I winced, “Fuck, it’s that bad, huh?” I mumbled, “I am also still brand new to this love thing, so honestly, not sure what to tell you.”

He shot me one last glare, “Stay away from me,” He shot out and turned around, walking away.

“Hey, how do you plan on getting back home?” I shot out behind him. He only flipped me off and kept on walking. This little punk.

I caught up to him in a few strides, grabbed his arm harder this time, and pulled him back before he could pretend he had a plan. “I promised your mother I’d bring you back in one piece,” I said, already dragging him toward the car as he pushed and pulled.

“I am taking you home,” I yanked the door open. “After that, you can storm off dramatically to wherever you want.”

He was about to walk off again, but I caged him, door on one side, my arm on the other, boxing him in, then jerked my head inside the car, “Get in.”

He stayed standing, his whole body vibrating with that ugly mix of anger and hurt and everything in between. He turned his head away, staring off to the side like the asphalt suddenly held the answers to life, the tension in his jaw multiplying by the second.

“Get in, I said, don’t make me push you inside.”

“Just give me a fucking minute, will you?” he snapped, whipping his head back toward me. His chest was rising too fast, up and down, uneven, nearly panting, his eyes glaring, the red lines in them tightening, the blue so dark like the night sky above us.

I exhaled lowly, some of the edge leaving me despite myself, my shoulders dropping just a fraction. My arm left the car and fell onto his shoulder. I squeezed it, and he shrugged it off, pushing me away.

“Okay, fuck it, come here,” I grumbled, gripping his shoulder tighter and pulling him into me.

He pushed me away, trying to shove me once more, “Let go, you son of—” He cut himself off at the last second, letting out a groan as I tried to forcefully hug him.

“Yeah, you can’t call me that, smartass, that’s your grandma,” I said, smacking the back of his head playfully before I gripped the back of his neck, pulling him closer and finally succeeding in hugging him.

True, I call him kid and little, but he was no way a kid anymore, nearly as tall as me, this punk. It feels like he has grown up suddenly since that first time I met him.

“I am sorry, really, I am,” I mumbled when he finally stopped pushing me away, “If I’d known, I would’ve not allowed any of this to happen.”

I brushed the back of his head, “I won’t hurt her, don’t worry,” I said, genuinely for once. I knew I couldn’t kill her or harm her in any way, that would ruin Aylin even more. See, princess, I can behave sometimes.

I pulled back slightly, still holding onto his shoulder, “Now, can we address the fact that you were dating my girlfriend’s sister…I mean, I knew you’d take after me, but not that much.”

“Shut up,” he grumbled, pushing himself away, his hand coming up to brush near his eye, clearing his throat, pulling himself back together piece by piece.

“Yeah, well, if it makes you feel any better, I’ve been having the worst day of my life too,” I said.

His eyes flickered to mine, confusion written all over his face. “Don’t let this casual, sarcastic tone deceive you by any means,” I added, “It’s my way of dealing, a coping mechanism if you will. I wish I could just cry it out too.”

I couldn’t.

If I let it consume me, I wouldn’t come back from it. If I let every fucked up thing that happened today take over me, I’d be demolished.

So I breathe through it…through something that feels like it’s already killed me once today.

I don’t get to fall apart. I have to stay intact. Hold whatever’s left of me together…for her.

⊹˚₊‧────────────‧₊˚⊹

Three days later…

Three days had passed in excruciating slow motion. I spent all of them at the hospital. The second they moved Aylin into a private room, I claimed my spot there, right next to her.

Her father whined, tried to kick me out a couple of times, threw a few weak threats in for good measure, but once he realized I didn’t give a single fuck about his opinion, he stopped trying. Smart man. Took him long enough.

He went and came back, so did Layla. Charles, however, like me, didn’t leave her side. He’d sit beside her, caress her hair, kiss her temple, whisper a few words while she lay there, breathing just enough to keep us all from losing it.

Beauty sleep. That’s what I called it, because I refuse to call it anything else.

Charles didn’t complain about my presence, so I didn’t complain about his either. I bet I’m growing on the old man. Give it a few more days, and he might even let me call him grandpa.

I didn’t sleep, though. Couldn’t, even if I wanted to. Every time I tried, my brain dragged me back to it, her, the blood, the way everything almost ended, so yeah, no thanks. I didn’t eat much either, except for the few bites of sandwiches Natalie kept forcing down my throat so I’d take my meds.

She kept pestering me to tell her more about what happened with her son the other day. I told her to just leave the kid alone, that he needed time, and he’ll get through it…I hope.

Now, it was just Aylin and me. Her parents weren’t here. Her grandfather got a call and stepped out. So I leaned closer from my chair, folding my arms over the side of the bed, resting my chin on them as I looked at her pretty face.

“When I call you a sleepyhead, you deny it, huh,” I murmured.

I reached for her hand, my fingers sliding over hers, carefully tracing each one, “The doctor said that you’re getting better, so they stopped giving you the sedative today.”

My thumb brushed over the healing cuts along her skin, “You know what that means, right?”

The words got stuck somewhere on the way out. My throat tightened around them like it was trying to keep them in. “It means you’re waking up tonight.”

“And that means I have to…” I huffed out a quiet breath, something bitter curling under it.

“See, this is your fault, I only blame you for this,” I muttered, “I used to be very consistent, did whatever I wanted, burned whatever needed burning. No second thoughts, no consequences, no tomorrow, and all of that rubbish.”

I scoffed, “Now, look at me, thinking ahead, and making stupid selfless choices…it’s revolting. I hate this person I’ve become.”

I brought her hand closer, pressing a soft kiss to the inside of her palm, “You better be proud of me, though.”

My lips twitched faintly, recalling every time I misbehaved, every time I pushed too far and she snapped back, how she’d get mad, those green eyes flaring, her skin flushing, all fire and teeth and attitude, so feral and goddamn adorable.

“How exactly am I supposed to exist without that?” I whispered, more to myself than to her, “Do I even have the restraint to actually stay away from you?”

I will. I have to.

“You better not forget me, though…” I sighed, “Or, maybe it’d be better if you would just forget me, right?” If thinking about me would be painful, if remembering me would hurt her, then I’d rather be something that never happened.

I slowly leaned back into my chair, straightening up, my hand still wrapped around hers as the door creaked open. My eyes flickered toward it, landing on Layla as she stepped inside. I ignored her, like I usually do.

In my peripheral vision, I watched her drag the other chair closer…much closer than necessary. I turned my head, shooting her a glare as she sat right next to me. She leaned forward, holding out a steaming cup of…coffee, I assume, another one sat in her other hand.

My eyes dropped to it, then back to her. I shot her another glare.

She pushed it forward. “Take it. You look like you need it.”

I narrowed my eyes at her, then at the cup. “Did you poison it?”

Her lips twitched, and she shook her head, then switched the cups, handing me the one she’d been holding. “Here. Take this one, then.”

My eyes narrowed at her, “You definitely did that on purpose,” I muttered, unconvinced, then took the first cup from her, bringing it closer to my nose and smelling it.

She took a sip of hers, then rested it between both hands near her lap, her eyes flickering to Aylin, and her shoulders dropped slightly, “Do you think she’d ever forgive me?” She mumbled.

I decided against drinking it and dying mid-conversation, so I put it away, “She shouldn’t,” I said.

A low sigh slipped past her mouth, and she nodded, not once offended, “I blamed her without even meaning to, but…” She looked down, her fingers tracing the rim of the cup, “But it’s like every time I looked at her, I saw what I lost, I couldn’t help it.”

She turned to me, “When I met you, I mean…little you, I was in England because I was meeting with a doctor for Aylin,” She explained, “I was pregnant with Riley, and Aylin was just starting to show the first signs. I panicked, started taking her to different doctors, but none figured it out. I didn’t stop, I kept researching, but they all told me the same thing…”

“That she was mentally unstable?”

She nodded, tears pooling in her eyes. “I believed it,” she whispered. “I didn’t know how to deal with it, so I…I pushed her into this. I made her reach this point. It was all on me.”

A tear slipped down her cheek. “Even now…I still don’t know what to do, but I can’t lose her, too.”

Okay, here we go, tying up one more loose end.

A low breath left me as I pushed my chair back and stood up. Her eyes lifted to me immediately when I said, “Riley is alive, by the way.”

The cup in her hand tilted. Hot coffee spilled over her skin, and she flinched, but didn’t even look down.

“What?”

I nodded, “She is, you’ll meet her soon. If you want to learn the whole truth, ask your ex-husband, he’d tell it better than me,” I started to head for the door, looked over my shoulder at her stunned expression, “Oh, by the way, you better keep her on a leash, she as much breathes near Aylin, I will come back and kill her.”

With that, I walked out, my eyes landed on Charles at a distance, making his way back toward the room. Perfect timing. I stepped into his path, blocking him before he could get any closer, “I need you to come with me.”

His eyebrow raised, “Where?”

“It’s about Riley,” I said, already moving, “Told you she is alive,” I added, my words enough for him to follow me without another question. Another loose end.

I led him outside, away from the hospital entrance, past the lights, past the people, into the darker stretch behind the building where Adam had parked the car.

When Adam saw me approaching, he went down, opened the back door, and pulled her. She kicked and screamed, thrashed, and punched, slightly succeeding in kneeing him in the crotch as he dragged her out of the car.

He sucked in a sharp breath, doubling just slightly before catching himself, his grip tightening instantly as his other hand shot out, grabbing her wrist and yanking her flush against him. “Jesus fu—” he gritted out, his jaw locking hard as he glared down at her.

She didn’t flinch. If anything, she looked pleased, her eyebrow raising in challenge.

His fingers dug into her arm, his gaze locked on her as he asked me, “You’re sure I can’t kill her?”

“Unfortunately not,” I said. A shame, really.

Riley’s lips curved up. She tilted her head at him, studying him like he was the one pinned instead of her, flashing him an evil, satisfied look before she stepped on his foot.

Adam’s grip tightened, his jaw flexed, and he started walking toward us, dragging her along with barely contained restraint. I almost laughed. I’ve never seen anyone push Adam’s buttons like this. He is usually a walking robot.

Riley’s eyes fell to me before they flickered past me, and her smile fell instantly. Her entire body recoiled, something real snapping into place this time, not fake or performed. Genuine fear clawed her eyes, twisted her face as she tried to cower away, but Adam’s grip only allowed her to back into his chest.

“No—no, you can’t do this,” she said, her voice breaking now, her eyes wide, frantic as they snapped to mine. “No, no—”

She shoved against Adam, panic replacing every ounce of earlier confidence. “Let me go—let me go!”

I turned to Charles, whose face had gone pale again, not with shock, but with recognition and regret.

“The thing is, I can’t kill her, because that would hurt Aylin ten times more, so,” I said, my words grabbing his eyes to me, before they went back to her, “So, I am giving her to you.”

“No, you can’t, don’t leave me with him,” She shot out again, her voice cracking, genuine terror in her voice as she kept on thrashing, pushing at Adam, at his arms and chest. Tears spilled fast, so messy and uncontrolled, “Please,” she choked out, shaking her head violently. “Don’t…don’t leave me with him.”

“I don’t know how you’ll do it, but I know that you will, whether you’ll reunite her with her mother or not, that’s up to you, but keep her as far away from Aylin as humanly possible,” I said, trusting him to at least get that part done right.

Adam walked her closer, his arms tightening around her as she tried to escape, still crying and fighting him with every movement.

Charles stepped forward slowly. His brows pulled together, that quiet sadness settling deeper into his expression. He lifted his hand toward her face, but she flinched away instantly.

“Riley…” he murmured, his voice low, rough in a way I didn’t expect as guilt carved itself into every line of his face.

Well, I just handed him out a second chance to correct his past mistakes. Look at me, playing Mother Teresa nowadays…rehabilitating families instead of ruining them. Disgusting.

“Adam will help you with her for the time being. She’s a bit of a handful,” I pointed out. She had stopped fighting now, tears silently falling down her face. Her body shifted, recoiling away from Charles, pressing closer into Adam instead, like he was the safest option here.

The old man turned to me, recovering still, slightly shaken off. He rushed a hand over his face and hair. His brows pulled closer, as if just now he caught up to everything, “Why…”

“You and I have one thing in common, we will always put Aylin first,” I explained, “So, I trust you.”

I extended my hand forward, “It was nice meeting you, old man,” I said, “Try not to die anytime soon, you need to stay alive long enough to take care of my princess,” I added with a small smile, my insides a fucking mess because it was becoming near, every minute ticking, taking me closer to walking away…

His brows drew closer, eyes narrowing as he caught the weight behind it. “What do you mean?”

“It means…you kind of won,” I said, lowering my hand when he didn’t take it, rude, by the way. Here I thought I was growing on him. “I’m leaving.”

“Why?” He asked, his expression tightened, confusion folding into something sharper, so I nudged him a few steps away from Riley, out of earshot.

“Turns out, in some fucked up way, I trigger Aylin’s condition, so if I stay…sooner or later, I’ll drag her right back here.” I said, “If not that, then I’d push her hard enough for the lesion in her brain to erupt, and I can’t have either of these options come to live.”

He listened to every word, the worry darkening the fading green of his eyes, “I will keep looking for a cure, or a solution of any sort, but I’ll do it from far away, maybe…maybe I could do what you couldn’t.”

I can’t let her have the life her grandmother had. My princess deserves better, she deserves a peaceful life, a quiet one, and if that life doesn’t include me, then so be it. I was never meant to have a happy life anyway. I was sentenced to death from the moment I opened my eyes to this life.

I don’t know how many more years this borrowed lung could serve me, but however long it lasts, I’ll spend it making sure her world stays steady, even if I have to disappear from it to do that.

The old man surprised me when lifted his hand and extended it toward me, ever so peacefully.

I smiled, “We could hug instead, but okay,” I joked as I shook his hand, and his lips twitched slightly. See, he loves me.

“You know why I hate you?” He said, his voice a bit lighter than before, “It’s because you remind me of myself a lot.”

I let out a quiet breath, shaking my head slightly. “That bad, huh?”

He nodded with a sigh, “You have no idea,” He said, his eyebrow lifting, “By the way…sorry I tried to kill you.”

“Eh, it’s fine,” I said, brushing it off, “I tend to provoke that type of reaction from people, it’s very flattering, actually.” I said, “Anyway, can I call you grandpa now, considering we’ll be in touch a lot from now on?”

He hefted out a low chuckle, “If you want to die, yeah, sure.”

My lips curved, “Noted.”

Ah, if only my princess could see us right now.

The thought hit harder than it should’ve, pulled something tight in my chest. This is how it’s going to be from now on, isn’t it? It will always feel like a fucking punch to the heart whenever I think of her…always wondering what she’d say, how she’d react…

I glanced down at my watch, checking the time. If my calculations were right, she was going to wake up within the next hour or so.

Fuck. Time’s up.

I glanced at him, “I’ve got one last thing to do,” I muttered, my gaze flickering to the hospital’s building.

He seemed to understand, and he nodded once, tapping my shoulder before walking past me, back toward Adam and Riley, while I turned and headed inside.

When I reached her room, it was empty—thankfully, Layla had left.

I stepped in and closed the door behind me. I made my way to her bed, each step heavier than the last, like something inside me was dragging its feet, refusing to get there.

I stopped by the bed’s edge, and my eyes took her in, memorizing, carving every detail into something I wouldn’t be allowed to touch again.

“To be honest, I don’t know how to do goodbyes,” I mumbled, “Usually, people walk out on me…I don’t do the walking away, but…but somehow this feels a hundred times worse.”

I lifted my hand, hesitating halfway, my fingers twitching like they didn’t trust me anymore. I don’t know why I couldn’t touch her face these past three days…like she’d break, or I would.

I brushed her hair away from her face, slow, careful, my thumb grazing beneath her eye, “If only I could have these eyes look at me one last time,” I whispered.

Because the last time they did, they were shattered, broken as she drove that glass into her own neck…

My lips twitched, “I will never regret meeting you, no matter how painful this is going to be, you gave me the best year of my life,” I whispered, recalling almost every moment, from that first time I laid eyes on her on that airplane, to seeing her again at Lilly’s party, to the chaos we fell into from there on…

“With you, I learned what it’s like to live. You see, I was always fine with dying, until you made living feel like something I’d have to mourn.”

“And that’s cruel, you know…” I whispered, “teaching someone like me how to live and then not letting him keep it.”

Fuck, is this what heartbreak feels like? For god’s sake, it feels like I am the one holding the blade, amputating my own heart out without anesthesia.

I leaned down, my lips pressing softly against her temple, my eyes closing as my fingers trembled against her skin, trying to hold onto something that was already slipping through me.

“I love you, princess,” I breathed against her, felt the one tear that left my eye and trickled down her face, “I told you, I always lose the people I love.”

⊹˚₊‧───────────────────‧₊˚⊹

Author’s Note:

Hey!
It’s me again 😉

So, what are your thoughts?

Both Nathan’s are heartbroken now, one more than the other but still xD

See ya soon 💔