Chapter 1 – Chap 1

Lonely Sasquatch ISO Love

I’m 7′ 6″ tall with shaggy brown hair and eyes the color of chocolate. I’m 300 lbs. of muscle, but I’m as gentle as a puppy dog. I’m 26, and I’m lonely. ISO a single female, 18-30. Must love the outdoors. Call Todd: (XXX) XXX-XXXX.

I know what you must be thinking. Yes, I am a Sasquatch, and yes, my name is Todd. I don’t know if I am the last of my kind, but I know I am the last of my tribe.

Which is why I am turning to you for help today, human. I have tried taking out personal ads in your human newspapers. Ads like the one I have shared with you. No one has ever called me.

I have even tried Tinder and your other  dating apps. My profiles keep getting deleted by the apps. Apparently, everyone thinks I’m just trolling them.

This will be my last attempt to find love, but I am asking for your help.

I have been a long time lurker here. I enjoy reading the exploits of the other “monsters” on here (including the human ones). So, I thought that maybe you could help me find love…

Or at least a Friend With Benefits.

Wait a moment, I can hear someone outside. I’ll be right back…

Sorry about that interruption. I might not need your help after all.

The noise I went to investigate turned out to be humans camping nearby. I quietly crept up to the edge of their camp. I had to be careful to not be seen. I didn’t want them running off.

It really is hard to meet new people when you are a Sasquatch. When I try to introduce myself to others they either just scream and run away, or piss their pants and curl up in a ball on the floor.

This time it will be different. The girl is pretty. She has a musical laugh, and long brown hair. The guy with her doesn’t seem as friendly. He keeps yelling and shouting at the girl.

Crack

Oh, Shit!

Oh, Shit!

The guy just hit the girl. I’ll be right back…

Well, that didn’t quite go the way I wanted. She screamed and fainted. He screamed and froze.

Sometimes I don’t know my own strength, but seeing the guy hit her made me soooo angry. I swear, I only hit him once. I didn’t know that it would kill him. I didn’t mean to put my fist through his face. It just kinda happened.

Afterwards, I knew I couldn’t just leave her alone with the dead guy. So I took her home with me.

I guess I’m not lonely now.

Now, what do I do with the girl? She’s really pretty. She actually reminds me a lot of my mother. I’d really like to keep her, but only if she wants to stay. I really wish I knew more about her.

I must admit, for all I have learned about humans, I’m still pretty clueless when it comes to knowing a lot of things that a human would.

For example, how long are humans supposed to sleep for when they faint from fright? Is a sleeping bag laid on top of a nice pile of pine straw, leaves, and moss comfortable enough for her?

What exactly do you humans eat anyway? I wonder what color her eyes are. What does her tribe call her?

It hasn’t been very long since I brought her to my little hut in the woods. I don’t have much, mostly whatever I have salvaged from abandoned campsites and various other things I’ve found in the woods.

I just had a good idea. I think…

I’m pretty sure that she isn’t going to want stuff like nuts, berries, roots, bugs, and grubs like I eat. I mean, I think it’s good eating, and there’s nothing quite like a nice, juicy grub for a quick snack, but the only humans I’ve ever seen eat like that also believed I was a hallucination.

I think I’ll go back to her camp and see if I can find her something to eat…

I am so horribly unprepared for company, much less a date. I really don’t want to screw this up….

Well, folks, the situation is officially awkward.

I went to the girl’s camp, and found a large white box with wheels under one end and a handle on the other. It took me a minute to figure out how to open it, but when I did I was shocked.

Instead of having a Yeti inside of the big box (like it says on the box) it has some kind of raw meat, that nasty “beer” stuff you humans like, water trapped in a bottle, and a strange black can with a green “M” on it. Now, I really have some questions for her.

Is the meat Yeti? I’m not sure I can be with someone who eats my relatives.

What’s the deal with the can? Is it some kind of bait to catch us monsters for her dinner? It says it’s some variety of elixer. Is it made of monsters?

What the hell?!?

I used the handle to drag the box back to camp. When I returned I left the box outside and went in to check on the girl. I’m now feeling uneasy about what kind of relationship I could even have with someone who wants me for dinner.

She was still passed out cold when I returned. The girl was laying so still I began to worry that maybe she was dead.

I eased myself down onto bed next to her, and being as gentle as I could be I laid my head on her chest. I could hear her heart beating.

My relief was short lived, as that was also when she let loose with a blood-curdling scream that would give a banshee competition. I pulled back from her, but not fast enough to avoid the flurry of slaps she hit me over the head and shoulder with.

“GET AWAY FROM MEEEEEE…” is what she shrieked at me in a pitch high enough to make me have to cover my ears and retreat backwards towards the door.

She’s currently cowering against the far wall of my hut. Her knees are pulled up under her chin, her arms locked around her legs, and she’s calmly staring at me.

What should I do? I didn’t want this to happen this way.

Do you think she will be ok? I really need to know why if she eats my kind that she seems so scared.

Since I am a mute I will try to get her to read this, so maybe she can at least answer my questions.

I have to go now, but I will update you soon.

Wish me luck!