Chapter 18

I felt like I could‘ve slept for days after meeting with Kyle. The experience had drained me so completely that I wondered if it was possible for someone to suck out your soul just by being around you. Because that’s what it felt like. Like he’d drained the life out of me with that one conversation.

I walked through quicksand the rest of the day, opting to go straight home and to bed without indulging in any of my usual nighttime rituals. No stretching at the barre or repairing my ballet gear. I couldn’t even get myself to visualize my audition scene, even though my mood probably would’ve lent to a realistic portrayal of a girl being driven mad with fear and sadness. Instead, I locked my door, turned off my phone, pulled back my covers and retreated from the world I was coming to despise.

Why would anyone choose to live with their eyes wide open if this was what they saw every day? Until now, I’d lived to create beauty but now all I could see was darkness.

My sleep was troubled and the dreams I had were nightmares. Not in the sense that they were filled with death, but they were made up of my own personal hell. The worst one had me going onstage to perform a solo to a ballet I didn’t know, nor had I shown up to any of the practices for. I had no idea what steps came next or even what dance we were performing.

When I awoke, I felt emotionally hungover, but with a new day came a new perspective, and I was too much of a control freak to hand the reigns of my life over to someone else.

I couldn’t let Kyle bring me down because then he’d win. And I wouldn’t be one of his victims. Not anymore. I would do all the things I’d threatened to. Change my address to a PO Box. Get a new number. Anything I could to ensure he would stay out of my life. Considering the evidence they had against him, there was no logical way I’d ever have to see him again.

So, as unpleasant as my ordeal with Kyle had been, it was worth it for it to be over.

It was even relatively easy to get myself out of bed and down to the studio the next morning. We didn’t have class, but I wanted to spend a few hours working on technique. And since Zhara owed me for ditching class, it didn’t take much to convince him to meet me there for a partner sesh.

Four hours after Zhara and I had started dancing, he finally collapsed on the floor and refused to lift me anymore.

“Come on! Just a few more times. We haven’t hit the lifts perfectly ten times in a row yet,” I said, exhausted but pushing through it.

“I don’t even work this hard for a man, what makes you think I’ll do it for you?” he exclaimed, practically out of breath.

I frowned and then dropped down beside him.

“Because I’m your partner. And because it’ll make you a better dancer. And because you don’t want to have to dance Giselle with Scarlett,” I said, pulling at his arm to try and get him to stand back up.

His hand went limp as he gave me his signature bitchy face. “Girl, whiney is so not a good look on you,” he said. “And at this point, I’ll dance with whoever won’t make me lift them right now.”

“Zhara,” I complained, though I was growing tired, too.

“No means no. I’m done being your chocolate jungle gym. Find another man to climb on,” he said.

“Hmph,” I said, lying down on my back dramatically.

“There are better ways to work out your aggression, by the way,” he said, turning his head and looking at me as we lay on the floor a foot away from each other.

“What are you talking about?” I asked, my face pulsing with heat.

“I mean, seriously, find a man to climb on. Or under. Either one will work,” he said. “Whatever’s going on with you, whether it’s fear or anger or frustration, a little good, old-fashioned physical action could go a long way to curing it.”

“Why do you think I’m here, Zhar,” I said sarcastically.

“Action that doesn’t involve your super fab yet super gay ballet partner,” he said, sucking in his cheekbones. “It’s not like you don’t have options.”

“What are you talking about?” I asked.

“I’m talking about your not so secret admirer, Preston,” he said, twirling his finger at me.

“He doesn’t really like me, Zhara,” I said, trying to explain the situation to him. “I’m like, a challenge for him or something. Think about it. He could have any dancer in the company and there’s nothing special about me. Personally, I think he flirts with me because he knows it messes with my concentration. For all I know, he and Scarlett have teamed up to bring me down.”

“Somebody thinks pretty highly of herself, doesn’t she?” Zhara said, out of the side of his mouth.

“What else could it be?” I said, growing exasperated.

“Uh, maybe he’s actually into you?” Zhara said. “Though I’m starting to wonder why.”

I took off my leg warmer and threw it at him. He didn’t even flinch as it hit him in the face. Instead, he picked it up and wiped the sweat off his face with it.

“Gross!” I screamed, and then we both started laughing in the way you do only when you’re really tired.

“Seriously though, Em, Preston’s not a bad guy,” Zhara said. “And even if you aren’t into him like that, having a little fun with him could be exactly what you need right now.”

“And create even more drama than I already have?” I said skeptically. “No thank you.”

But there was something about what he was saying that made me begin to wonder if he was right. Maybe Preston wasn’t the villain I was making him out to be. And what if he really did like me? Was I spending more energy pushing him away than I would if I just gave in?

“Fine. Do what you want,” Zhara said, turning his head back to look at the ceiling. “But I can’t be your everything.”

A head popped into the doorway of the studio then and I looked over to see Scarlett standing there with a scowl on her face.

“Your creepy boyfriend is looking for you,” she said, sauntering into the studio with her boy-tourage. Preston was the last to enter and when his eyes locked on mine, he started to smile. But then he frowned and averted his eyes, going to the farthest bench and dropping his bag onto the floor.

That was weird.

I looked over at Zhara to see if he’d witnessed the snub, and all he did was shrug.

“Please tell me he’s knocked you up and you’ll be going away forever?” Scarlett said, slowly stripping off her clothes to reveal a skimpy purple leotard. She could never get away with something like that during class, but here in the empty studio with all the boys, it was like her personal version of a Britney Spears music video.

“He’s not my boyfriend,” I told her, letting Zhara lift me to my feet. As we began to walk over to the door, we passed her along the way. “But thanks for delivering the message, Scar. It’s so hard to find competent help these days…”

“Bitch,” Scarlett said under her breath, but loud enough for all of us to hear it.

“Watch it girl or you could end up dancing backup for Miley Cyrus,” Zhara said to her. “Better start practicing your twerk now.”

I heard a faint snort coming from Preston’s direction, but when I looked over at him, his face was blank. Scarlett on the other hand, glared at both Zhara and me before lifting her chin into the air and stomping off. It was almost pathetic how much time she spent worrying about me and what I was up to. Geez, didn’t she have a life?

Leaving Zhara behind with the others, I slipped out the studio doors, and nearly collided with Agent Walker.

“Emmy!” he said, sounding surprised to see me suddenly appear right in front of him.

“Errr, what are you doing here?” I said, still rattled by my run-in with Scarlett. “I mean, do you have any news?”

Agent Walker cleared his throat and suddenly looked serious.

“I was going to ask you the same thing,” he said, crossing his arms over his chest. He stood there waiting for me to respond, a sour-puss scowl on his face.

What had I done now?

I pushed past him and headed out the building door and into the sun, making a beeline for the path that would take me to my apartment. But Agent Walker stepped in front of me, forcing me to stop and face whatever conversation we were about to have.

I looked over his shoulder in the direction of home. I needed to shower and eat something before going to work at the station. I didn’t have time for an interrogation.

I sighed.

“There’s nothing you want to share with me?” he coaxed as he stared me in the eye.

I thought about it for a second like I was considering it. Then I shook my head. “Nope. Should there be?” I asked, wondering why he was so worked up.

“Emmy, I know you went to see him,” he said finally, exasperated.

I opened my mouth to say something, but I didn’t know what to say, so I just closed it again. I hadn’t even thought to include Agent Walker when I’d decided to go to visit Kyle. And I certainly hadn’t called him afterward to give him a play-by-play. But that was just because it was over.

Done.

“We’ve been screening Grafton’s visitors, including all requests,” he said when I didn’t answer. “I thought I told you not to go see him.”

Suddenly I felt like a child being scolded.

“And I wasn’t going to, but then things changed, and I had no choice,” I said, my voice rising a bit, before remembering that we were less than ten feet away from the studio doors. I made a mental note to try and keep my emotions in check. I didn’t want to give the others any more fuel for the fire.

“What changed…” he asked, sounding angry, “that made it so important for you to do the exact opposite of what I’d suggested?”

I closed my eyes to keep from exploding on him. “He called me again,” I said, as evenly as I could. “And threatened to do something if I didn’t visit him. Call me crazy, but I didn’t want to challenge the psychopath.”

“If he threatens you, Emmy, we need to know about it. If he contacts you, we need to know about it. If you’re going to put yourself in danger, we need to know about it,” Agent Walker said, sounding frustrated. Then, as if he realized I hadn’t been deliberately trying to defy him, he quieted his voice too. “There are ways we can protect you Emmy. You don’t have to go through any of this alone. That’s why we’re here. To keep you safe.”

“But you said he would never leave me alone,” I pointed out.

Agent Walker took a deep breath and started to pace around in front of me. He’d begun to spin his ring again too, absently moving it around his finger. “And it was wrong of me to say that. I shouldn’t have scared you,” he said. “Sometimes I forget you’re a kid, even though you act more adult than most people I know.”

“It’s not like I was trying to keep it from you,” I said. “Honestly, I just want to forget all of this.”

“I know. And I want you to be able to move on, too,” he said sincerely. “But I need to know what happened when you met with him.”

I wanted to stomp my feet and tell him no. That I wouldn’t spend any more time on this guy who’d turned my world upside down. But I didn’t have the energy. So I told him everything that had happened, starting with the phone call and finishing with Kyle’s final menacing message to me.

You’re really lucky that I’m in here and not out there with you right now.

Agent Walker frowned as I relayed this last bit and then pushed his thumb against his brow like he was getting a headache.

I was starting to feel one coming on, myself.

“Okay, well, do me a favor and don’t go see him again,” Agent Walker said finally. “And if anything else comes up, please contact me. There’s so much more going on here than you know, and I do want to help.”

“Well, hopefully it won’t come to that,” I said, shaking my head. “I have no intention of ever seeing or talking to Kyle Grafton again.”

“Good,” he said, his mind already drifting to the next problem he had to fix. Giving me one last glance, he walked toward the parking lot and got in his car. I let out a deep breath when he drove away, feeling like all the loose ends of a complicated situation were finally tied up.

I stood there for a few minutes after he left, trying to get my bearings before I headed home and on with my day. Just when I was about to leave, I heard a sound behind me.

“Everything okay?”

I turned to see Preston standing outside the studio. He was leaning against the wall lazily, a water bottle clutched in his hand. Even from here, I could see he was sweating. I wondered if he and Scarlett were practicing their own audition piece inside. Part of me contemplated asking him about it, to see what our competition was, but I decided against it.

“It sounded like you and that guy were arguing,” he said. “Just wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“It was nothing,” I said, noticing that Preston seemed more annoyed than concerned. “Just a misunderstanding.”

Preston’s eyes flickered with curiosity, but he tried to hide whatever he was thinking behind a long swig of water.

“You know, Emmy, you could’ve just told me you were dating someone,” he said after a long pause. “I would’ve left you alone a long time ago, if I thought there was someone else.”

Good to know that’s all it took.

But I found myself inexplicably wanting him to know the truth.

“Agent Walker and I aren’t dating, Preston,” I said. I wasn’t sure why I was still standing there, why I hadn’t made an excuse to make my exit yet. I just knew I needed to have this conversation.

“Agent?” Preston asked, not bothering to hide his surprise. I’m not sure if it was because I’d just confirmed I was single or because I was telling him my supposed boyfriend was law enforcement.

“Yeah. Look, I don’t want to get into the whole story, but I was sort of helping him with a case,” I said, adjusting the bag on my shoulder. “But now they’ve got the guy, so…”

This was the longest conversation I’d ever had with Preston and it was definitely the first time I’d willingly offered up information about myself. The whole exchange felt weird and slightly exhilarating.

“Was it serious?” he asked, appearing genuinely concerned now.

“It was kind of bad,” I admitted, nodding slowly. “Yeah. But it’s over now.”

Preston mulled this over for a few seconds, and then he smiled at me and began to walk toward me, closing the distance between us. I resisted the urge to flee and instead stood my ground. I was suddenly curious to find out what would happen if I stopped fighting him.

“So, does that mean that you’re, like, an undercover agent or something?” he asked, flirtily. “Because that’s kinda hot.”

I laughed loudly before I could stop myself.

Preston grinned. “Finally some sort of reaction from you that isn’t total hatred!” he exclaims, spinning around in a circle.

“How do you know my laughter’s a good sign?” I asked, boldly.

“Just a feeling I have,” he said. He was standing less than a foot away from me and looked like he wanted to move closer. But I’d already spent more time out here than I’d intended to and I needed to get ready for work.

“I’ve gotta go,” I said, starting to walk backwards, but not yet turning my back on him. This wasn’t the same as all the other times I’d left him behind. This time I wasn’t exactly running away. But I did have to go.

“Emmy?” he asked, placing his hand on the top of his head absently. “You want to do something later?”

This time I was sincere. “Sorry, can’t. I’ve got work,” I said.

“Oh,” he said, sounding disappointed for a moment. “Okay.”

I gave him one last look before turning toward the trail.

“You know I’m around…if you ever want to talk, right?” he called out after me.

I turned, but didn’t stop walking. “If I want to talk?” I asked, confused.

“Yeah, like, about your undercover operations or anything,” he said.

I laughed again. “I’ll keep that in mind,” I said and then started jogging home. As I got further and further away, I couldn’t seem to wipe away the smile that had taken up permanent residence on my face.

Maybe Zhara had been right.

Preston wasn’t so bad, after all.