Chapter 42

The tension never left my muscles, and my anxiety kept my stomach twisted into a tight knot. Briar was sick, and neither Miles nor Joseph wanted to help. The three slashes on my arm throbbed every time I thought about asking Miles for a doctor. They thought I was being emotional and refused to believe me. I saved my tears for when they were outside. I clung to my baby during the day and sobbed. She was getting sicker, and I could feel that her time was running out. Her breathing was becoming more shallow, and she slept more during the day. When I tried to tell Miles, he dismissed my worries.

I prayed that Briar would be healthy again but felt impending doom.

I could lose my daughter.

The thought was haunting and would not leave my mind. I could not close my eyes and let myself fall asleep. I needed to be watching her breathing to ensure that she was still alive. Miles was annoyed that I was spending all night next to Briar’s crib. He forced me to lay next to him in bed, hoping I would fall asleep. Once I would hear him snoring, I would sneak out of bed and go to Briar’s crib.

Moonlight poured in through the window, but I could barely see my baby. Turning on a lamp would wake Miles, so I placed my hand on Briar’s chest. Feeling the rise and fall of her chest calmed my anxiety enough to stop me from falling into complete panic. The edge of the crib pushed into my ribs as I leaned forward. One night, my eyes were heavy with exhaustion, and I fell into pockets of sleep as I leaned over Briar.

The sun was starting to rise when Miles’s alarm rang, and my eyes fluttered open. My back ached from my position of leaning over the crib. I rubbed my eyes to clear my vision so I could look down at my baby.

Immediately, I knew something was wrong.

Briar’s eyes were closed, but the blue ring returned around her lips. Her chest was no longer rising and falling. She was not breathing.

I reached down and shook Briar’s shoulder. I prayed to see her eyes open or for her to start fussing. Her cries, even if they were weak, would be a heavenly sound. Briar did not move, even as I pushed harder on her shoulder.

I opened my mouth to say her name or get help from Miles, but the noise that left my lips was unrecognizable. The sound was a mixture of screams, cries, and prayers. Arms wrapped around my waist and ripped me away from the crib. I swung my fists and kicked my legs, desperate to get my way back to my daughter.

Briar was dead.

Miles was shouting my name, but the sound was a distant ring in my ears. My words were incoherent as I screamed for my baby. Through the slats of the crib, I could see her lifeless body. If I had not fallen asleep, could I have saved her?

My fighting was futile against Miles’s large size, but I did not stop. He dragged me across the room and threw me onto the bed. My vision was blurry with tears. I heaved for breath, but I was not able to get air into my lungs, causing a crushing tightness in my chest. Miles was leaning over me, and I swung my hand to push him away. He caught my wrists in his grip and pinned them against the bed. I contorted my back in an attempt to escape his hold.

“Briar’s dead!” I screamed. “She’s dead!”

I could not see Miles’s face because of my blurry vision. Did he have his usual blank expression as he watched me cry? Why was he not helping his daughter? Did he care that she was gone? He said nothing as he watched me struggle in his grip.

“She needed a doctor!” I screamed. “She was sick!”

Miles tightened his grip, crushing my wrists. The cuts on my arm throbbed. He would probably punish me again, but the thought was pushed to the back of my mind. I did not care if he cut my arm again. Our baby was lying dead in her crib.

“Maisie,” Miles said. There was no hint of emotion in his voice. Why was he not upset? “Take a deep breath.”

“Get off me!” I screamed.

Miles looked over at the crib. I squeezed my eyes shut as I shook my head. We were too late. Briar was gone forever. Our daughter was dead.

A minute of silence passed, and I could only hear my mixture of sobs and screams.

“What do we do?” Miles asked.

I opened my eyes to see Miles was still staring at the crib. I rolled my head to the side to see Joseph leaning over the crib. He was reaching down like he was checking her breathing. Seeing Joseph next to my daughter caused rage to flood my body. He knew she was sick. He saw the change in her breathing. He always knew she needed help but refused to bring her to a doctor. To make it worse, he convinced Miles that Briar was fine and I was being delusional. He was the reason I lost my daughter.

“Get away from her!” I screamed.

My wrists ached from Miles’s grip. I jerked my body, desperate to get out of his hold. I wanted to cradle Briar to my chest and never let go. This was supposed to be my perfect family. This was the family I had always dreamed of having, and I could not allow it to end.

Joseph took a step away from the crib. He turned to look at me struggling against Miles. I could not make out the details of his face because of my tears.

“We have to keep Maisie calm,” Joseph said. “It’s what is best for her.”

“No!” I screamed.

“What do we do?” Miles asked.

He spoke like I could not hear him. Did he think I was being irrational again? Our daughter was dead. How could he be so calm? Did he even care that she was gone? Why were they acting like I was the issue?

“I hate you!” I shouted. “I hate both of you!”

I wanted to scream about how they both let her die, but I could not form the words. My crying became heavier, my heart pounded harder, and I struggled to breathe. Miles did not loosen his grip, but I refused to stop fighting.

“Am I supposed to punish her?” Miles asked.

My scream sounded more like a sob as I started choking on my tears. They could slice my arm again, but nothing was going to change. Briar would still be dead. They let her die, and I could never forgive them.

“She’s far too emotional,” Joseph said. “She needs some rest to clear her mind.”

“How do we do that?” Miles asked.

“I have an idea.”

Joseph disappeared from my view. Miles let go of my wrists. Before I could push him away, he leaned forward and cupped my face with his hands. He pressed his forehead against mine, and his warm breath fanned across my skin. I dug my nails into his fingers, but he did not move. His hold was tightening, forcing me to stay on the bed. I sucked in a deep breath to calm my tears, but I was not successful.

“She’s dead,” I managed to choke out.

Miles let out a shaky breath. It was my only indication that he was upset. He stretched his thumb across my cheek to wipe away some of my tears.

“I never want to hurt you,” Miles said.

I raised a brow at his strange statement, but could not find the words to question it. The floor creaked as Joseph walked back into the room. Miles let go of my face as he pulled away. I hastily wiped the tears away from my eyes and pushed myself up so that I was sitting. My body trembled as I pushed myself to the edge of the bed. Miles had his arms crossed over his chest as he looked into Briar’s crib. My knees buckled as I tried to stand. I needed to hold Briar one more time.

“This will keep her calm,” Joseph said.

I looked over at Joseph to see he had a rag in his hands. Memories of the night we met flooded my mind. Outside of the tavern, he had covered my face with the rag and I soon fell unconscious. They were going to do the same thing to me now so I would not continue to cry and scream about Briar’s death.

I shook my head as my body collapsed onto the bed. My body was overrun with exhaustion, and I could not produce any more tears.

“No,” I said. I wanted to scream, but my voice sounded so raw. “No, no, no. Please, don’t do this.”

Joseph was unable to look at me. Did he feel guilty for Briar’s death? Did he know that this was his fault? Why would he not get her a doctor? Why would he let this happen?

“Miles, hold her down,” he said.

“Why are you doing this?” I held my arms against my chest. “You just want me to be quiet because you know you’re the reason Briar died.”

Joseph’s jaw hardened as he stepped toward the bed. He snapped his fingers at Miles before pointing toward me. I held my arms tighter against my chest because I no longer had the strength to fight or run. Miles grabbed my wrists before forcing me down onto the bed. I squeezed my eyes shut and rolled my head to the side. It was my final attempt at protecting myself.

“Miles,” my voice was a weak plea. “Miles, please don’t let him-“

My words were cut off when Joseph forced the cloth over my face. A horrendous taste filled my mouth as I breathed in whatever was on the rag. Miles tightened his grip on my wrists to keep me still. The remaining strength left my muscles, and my eyes closed as I slipped into unconsciousness.