Chapter 76

Joseph looked so sick when Miles dragged him into our home in the middle of the day. He struggled to breathe and was coated in a cold sweat. He clutched at his chest, but he could not tell me what was wrong. Miles laid him on our bed, and I was unsure what to do. It was like watching Briar die in front of my eyes again. I felt so helpless. I tried wiping the sweat off his face, but it did not help. He cupped the side of my face and called me Clara.

I could not stop my tears as I listened to him ramble about Clara while he died. Miles tried to keep him awake, but it was useless. He was slipping away from us. I held his hand to my cheek and cried as he said Clara’s name, hoping it provided him with some sort of comfort.

Joseph’s last breath was a shaky rattle before a heavy silence fell over the bedroom. I squeezed my eyes shut and tightened my grip on his hand. Downstairs, the floor creaked and I could hear Jasper and Simon’s soft voices. They were behind Miles when he dragged Joseph into our home, and I told them not to follow us to the bedroom. They did not need to watch their grandfather die.

“Maisie,” Miles said, but I did not move. “Maisie, look at me.”

I opened my eyes and turned to look at the other side of the bed. Joseph’s hand remained on my cheek. Miles stood beside the bed and stared at his father with his emotionless gaze. There were no tears and not even a hint of sadness behind his eyes. The only change was how his fists were clenched at his side.

“Go downstairs and watch the boys,” he said.

“What happened?” I asked.

“It was probably his heart.”

“What was-“

“Does it matter?” He raised his voice to cut me off. “He is dead. He is not coming back.”

I sucked in a deep breath, but I could not stop the tears. Glancing down at Joseph caused my chest to tighten and made me sob even harder. This was the man who had saved me so many years ago from that horrible tavern. How long had I been here? I lost track of time, but it had to be over ten years ago. He gave me the family I always dreamed about. I never thought any of this would ever be possible.

“Go downstairs,” Miles said again.

Joseph had been one of the few constants I ever had, and I was never going to see him again. When I was child and my parents died, I did not feel this kind of crushing sadness. When my grandmother died while we were staying in the inn, I was so upset because I thought I would be alone forever. When Briar died, I was unable to control the unbearable grief of losing my daughter. What would happen to us now that Joseph was gone?

A hand grabbed my shoulder, pulling me away from Joseph. I stumbled as Miles forced me onto my feet. He grabbed my arms in a tight grip that would bruise my flesh. He pulled me over to the bedroom door. I tried pushing him away, but he tightened his hold to keep my arms to my side.

“Let me go!” I shouted.

I gasped when my back collided with the bedroom wall. Miles kept my arms pinned to my side, and I could not wipe away the tears rolling down my cheeks. I tried to pull away, but his crushing hold did not lessen. My vision was blurry from crying, but I doubted there was any crack in his expression. Why was he not upset?

“Maisie, you need to stop crying,” he said. His grasp somehow became even tighter, causing me to grit my teeth to stop myself from screaming. “I hate it when you cry. You need to control your emotions so you can go downstairs and take care of Jasper and Simon.”

“They need to say goodbye,” I said. “He is their grandfather.”

I craned my neck to try and look at Joseph’s body, but Miles’s large size blocked my view. A mixture of a scream and a sob left my lips as I tried to twist out of his hold. Why was he not letting me say goodbye to Joseph? How were my bones not shattering from his strength? He slammed me back into the wall, and pain shot up my spine and into my neck.

“I need to bury him,” Miles said. He raised his voice to silence me. “You need to stop crying and go downstairs. Keep the boys away. I will take them to the grave after.”

I took in quick, sharp breaths. I could not let myself fall into the same deep hole of uncontrollable grief I experienced when Briar died. If he had to force me to rest, there would be no one to take care of our children. Only the four of us now lived in our home.

Miles watched me as I tried to calm myself, but he did not loosen his grip on my arms. The crushing weight remained in my chest and a few tears were still rolling down my cheeks, but I was not sobbing or screaming. I prayed this was enough. It was all I could do.

“Are you going to behave?” Miles asked. He lowered his voice so that he was no longer shouting. I sniffled and nodded. “Go downstairs and keep the children away from the back door. Do you understand?”

I nodded again, and Miles finally let go. I rubbed my aching arms and kept my head down. If I looked at Joseph again, I would dissolve into another mess of emotions. I turned and hurried out of the bedroom. My hands shook as I wiped the tears off my cheeks.

Jasper and Simon were in the kitchen chasing each other around the table. They giggled as Jasper wrapped his arms around Simon’s shoulders and pulled him into my chest. They were so naive about what had just happened.

Jasper was the first to notice me. He furrowed his brows when he watched me hastily wipe the tears off my cheeks. Simon’s giggling stopped when he also looked over.

“Mama, why are you crying?” Jasper asked.

I let out a shaky breath so I would not break down into sobs. Miles would be furious if he had to care for all of us on his own. He told me I needed to get our sons away from the back door. When would he be bringing Joseph outside? I could not let them see his body.

My hands trembled as I held them out.

“Boys, I need you to come with me,” I said.

Jasper let go of Simon and they hurried toward me. I grabbed each of their small hands and hurried into the living room. I pulled them down onto the couch next to me. My grip was tight on their hands. I did not want them to run away and accidentally see Miles carrying Joseph outside.

“Mama, why are you sad?” Jasper asked. “Where’s Grandpa?”

“Grandpa is gone,” I said. How was I supposed to do this? I never had to explain death to a child before. “He died.”

“He died?” Jasper asked. “Only bad people die.”

“Grandpa is not bad,” Simon said.

I shook my head. All they knew about death was whatever Miles had to teach them to keep us safe.

“You’re correct. Grandpa is not bad,” I said. “But no one can live forever. We are all going to die one day. The difference is that Grandpa is good. He lived a long and good life, so he did not have to die in a painful way. He went peacefully when the world decided it was time for him to leave.”

“Grandpa is gone forever?” Simon asked.

His voice was so small and wobbly. I let go of his hand and wrapped my arm around his shoulders to pull him closer to me. His face contorted as he tried to fight away his tears. Did Miles not let them cry? It had been years since I had seen either of them shed a tear. I looked over at Jasper to see his eyes closed as he chewed on his bottom lip.

“You can cry,” I told them. “We love Grandpa, and we are going to miss him, so we can cry for him.”

Simon shifted closer so he could crawl onto my lap. I tightened my arm around him as he clung to the front of my dress. I rocked him gently as he sobbed. Jasper curled into my side, and I ran my fingers through his dark hair. He covered his face with his hands as he cried.

The stairs creaked as Miles brought the body outside. I closed my eyes and pressed my wet cheek against Simon’s soft hair. My sons were growing up so fast. Simon was looking more and more like me as he grew older. Jasper shared Miles’s height and dark features, but Simon had my bright eyes and light hair. I held onto them while we cried.

The door slammed shut, and Joseph was gone from our home forever.

“We will see Grandpa again one day,” I said through the tears. “When we are good and die, we get to go to heaven. We will all be together again. Grandpa now gets to finally be with Grandma again.”

Joseph calling out Clara’s name echoed in my ears. He rarely mentioned her since her death. The few times he said her name around Miles, he would snap and tell his father to be quiet. The only times Joseph felt nostalgic was when Miles would spend the evening by the fire.

“Grandma is going to take care of him,” I said. “They loved each other so much, and they get to be together again.”

“Grandma was good?” Jasper asked, not lowering his hands from his face. “She’s in heaven?”

“Grandma was so good,” I said. “She was so kind and caring. She would have loved you two so much.”

“Someone hurt her,” Simon said.

Had Miles told them about the intruder that had broken into our home? He never spoke to me about what he taught them outside, and he kept me locked in our home for my safety. How much did my little boys know?

“Someone did hurt her,” I said. “But no one has hurt our family since. That’s why we keep bad people away from our home.”

I held onto Jasper and Simon while they cried. Simon fell asleep with his head resting against my chest. Once Jasper stopped crying, he lowered his hands from his face. I ran my fingers through his dark hair, and he leaned into my side. He did not ask me his usually endless stream of questions. We all sat in silence.

The sun was setting when the door opened again. Miles’s footsteps were heavy as he walked through our home. Simon stirred on my lap and Jasper tightened his grip on my arm. Miles stepped into the doorframe, and the front of his clothes were covered in dirt. He crossed his arms over his chest as he watched us on the couch.

He stood silently for a minute before stepping into the room. Jasper and Simon stayed in my arms as he kneeled in front of us. He placed his hand on my knee. Dirt was caked under his fingernails, and broken blisters were on his calloused palms. Tomorrow, I would have to scrub the stains off my dress, but I did not let myself worry.

His attention was focused on his fingers as he rubbed my thigh. There was a slight furrow between his brows but no other clues into what was going through his mind. Jasper and I were quiet. Simon had fallen back asleep, and his breathing was deep and rhythmic. Miles placed his hand on Simon’s back, but he did not wake. He brushed his fingers across Simon’s cheek. His touch was delicate but left a streak of dirt across his skin. Jasper shifted his weight so that he could sit on his knees and look better at Miles and Simon. He did not ask any questions but was chewing on his lip.

Miles looked over at Jasper and smiled. My heart fluttered to see such a genuine expression on his face.

“I love you,” Miles said. His words were not directed to a single person. “He gave me you.”

Joseph was the reason we were a family. What would my life have been like if he had never saved me? One of the drunken patrons would have probably killed me, and no one would have cared.

This family was all I ever wanted. I had a loving husband and beautiful children.

Meeting Joseph was the best thing to ever happen to me.

He saved my life.