Chapter 33

There is an *ahem* a mature scene that could be sensitive to some people, so you’ve been warned.

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“We didn’t break each other.
We didn’t need to.
The wound was already open,
already slick with intention,
already asking
how much more
we were willing to bleed
without calling it pain.“

Aylin’s POV

Loving Nathan is not soft, not by any means.

It is not safe.

It does not bloom, it destroys.

It’s choosing to stand in front of something wrecked, feral, and dangerous and saying, I see you, I’m staying anyway, even while every instinct in your body screams run.

Run, run, run now before this ruins you, run before it crawls into your DNA and rewrites you molecule by molecule. Run, because loving this man was always going to end with one of us bleeding, and I never knew which one it would be.

Because for someone like him, love doesn’t arrive as comfort, it arrives as a catastrophe.

He didn’t confess feelings to me now, no, he confessed fear…fear that learned long ago that naming a thing is how you lose it, and the worst part is, I understood him in a way that frightened me.

He admitted that what he feels for me is so large it terrifies him, so corrosive he’d rather cage it than let it touch air. Love, to him, is a countdown. A guarantee of loss. A future funeral he refuses to attend.

The one tear that betrayed him, the one single fracture in the armor he’s welded around his heart…god, it undid me completely.

Before I could stop myself, my hand lifted, my thumb brushed the top of his lip, catching the tear before it could fall any farther.

His breath stuttered when I made contact.

He leaned into my touch and his eyes dropped, lashes shadowing that familiar wreckage inside him.

God…he looked tired, as if carrying all these feelings was exhausting him.

A voice in my head still screamed at me to leave, to run, to save myself while I still could.

But how could I?

How could I after everything he’d just said, after, for once, he’d let me see a version of him no one else ever touched?

I rose onto my toes, erasing the distance he’d built and I kept crossing anyway. My fingers traced his cheek, feeling him, and I leaned in until my lips brushed his.

His chest shuddered with a startled inhale, like he’d forgotten how to breathe and I’d just reminded him. His pulse kicked hard beneath my palm as his hand came to my face, his fingers dove in my hair, and he pulled me closer, deeper into him.

His fingers tightened in my hair as his lips moved against mine with a weight that crushed the air out of my lungs, so slow, so devastating, like he was trying to erase every word I’d spoken, every truth he’d just bled out.

My hand slid from his face to the side of his neck, feeling the storm wreaking havoc inside him, and god, I wanted to make it all better. I just didn’t know how without losing myself in the process.

His forehead rested against mine when our lips broke contact, his nose brushing mine as he breathed.

I forced my eyes open, my voice barely holding it together as I whispered, “Do you want me to go?”

His gaze lifted to mine immediately, and he shook his head, “No.”

His hand slid from my hair, tracing the line of my jaw, his thumb brushing the corner of my mouth, his eyes stayed fixed there as he asked, “Do you want to go?”

I shook my head, “No.”

The blurriness in my vision only intensified, his confession looping through my mind like an open wound that refused to clot. My hand slipped from his neck to his shoulder, my fingers curling into the fabric there, and before I could think better of it, I reached up.

Both of my arms came around his neck, clinging like I needed him to hold us together.

I rose onto my toes, pressing myself into his chest, my cheek brushing his shoulder, my body pulled toward him by a gravity stronger than the one keeping me tethered to the ground.

His arms wrapped around me just as fast, crushing me against him, one hand splayed firmly between my shoulder blades, the other locking me there like he was afraid I’d go away if he loosened his grip. He pulled me closer, lifted me just enough that my feet barely brushed the floor.

His face buried into my hair, his nose pressing there as he inhaled, breathing me in like oxygen, “I am sorry,” He whispered. I pressed my eyes shut, the rock in my throat expanding, my fingers threading into the back of his hair, “I am sorry, too,” I muttered, burying my face in the crook of his neck.

I eased back just enough to see him, so I could try and understand all of this, make sense of where we go from here. Our bodies barely broke contact, our molecules adjoined together by some inhuman force neither he nor I could comprehend. Maybe it was a first for him to feel like this, but god, it was a first for me too, nothing similar to this has ever lived in me before.

“Nathan, I don’t…” I swallowed hard as I gazed into his eyes, “I don’t want this thing between us to be something you are afraid of,” I said, “If you keep treating it like it’s a…disease, something that needs to be locked away before it spreads…then yeah,” I breathed out, “it might actually kill this…kill us, it might just destroy us both.”

I shook my head, “I don’t want that,” I said softly, “I really don’t.”

I needed him to see it, to learn that love isn’t meant to feel like a slow execution, it’s not a battlefield, it is not a punishment, it only turns fatal when fear keeps its hands on the wheel.

I blinked when it got blurry again, “I know…I know what it’s like to love and not be loved back, to stay anyway, to shrink yourself into something smaller, easier to keep,” I shook my head, “I won’t do that, Nathan, never again, you need to know that I’m done doing that.”

My heart clenched so hard it felt like it might give out.

I didn’t look away, even as my eyes burned, “I want you to know that I am here now, and I am choosing this, choosing you.” A shaky breath broke loose from my chest, “but not at the cost of myself, so please…don’t let it reach there, don’t make me break my promise.”

The line between his brows carved itself deeper, like he was trying to translate my words into a language he’d never learned.

“I don’t want to be the thing that makes you smaller,” he said quietly and shook his head once. “I don’t want to be the one who hurts you, god, never, but…I know myself.” “

His thumb brushed my cheek as he spoke, grounding himself there, and the contradiction of it made my chest ache.

“I know myself,” he went on, “I know what I’m built out of.”

His gaze dropped to his hand, to the way his thumb lingered against my skin like it was memorizing me, “And I know if I let this reach too far, if you ever decide to walk away from me, I won’t just let you go. I’ll make you hate me, because I don’t know how to release without tearing something apart.”

My breath caught in my throat because god, I believed him.

His eyes flickered back to my own, “You’re so deep in me that I can’t really think of tomorrow without thinking of you…so yeah,” He nodded, “this is going to destroy us, Aylin, in one way or another, it will. I am not going to give you promises or lies.”

“I am not going to promise that I’ll turn normal and healthy overnight,” He muttered, “I can’t.”

My chest tightened so bad because he was explaining the damage in him like a diagnosis he’d already accepted.

“I can fake it for a while, pretend, play functional and restrained, but I won’t just flip, not after all these years,” He shook his head, “There are things I don’t understand…entire emotions I don’t know how to feel. This isn’t a mask or an act, I genuinely don’t know how.”

He was honest in a very raw way, laying it all bare for me, “I am not merciful, I don’t know how to be. I don’t feel…empathy, or sympathy, I just don’t know how to…” He exhaled through his nose, his brows pulling together as he gestured vaguely toward his head, “…how to factor them in.”

His gaze didn’t waver, and his voice turned sharper, “But, one thing I can promise you is that I won’t let this,” he tapped his chest once, “cost you yourself. I won’t let being with me turn you into someone you hate.”

That’s when I felt the tear I’d been holding back finally slipping free.

I sniffled, barely aware of it until his thumb swiped it away immediately, like a reflex.

“So, what I’m asking from you is…don’t give up on me so fast.” His eyes searched mine, knowing exactly how close I’d come tonight. “Just give me a bit of time, let me try to…understand this, let me see if I can learn it.”

He was asking me for a chance, with full awareness that this might still be a losing game.

His eyebrow raised, “I mean, I am a fast learner after all,” he tried to steer this toward something playful, in desperate need to cut the vulnerable moment out, “There’s a chance I’ll figure this whole thing out faster than expected.”

My lips betrayed me, twitching despite the tears. I nodded, pressing the back of my head against the door, “Okay.”

His eyes fell onto my lips, and his own twitched just slightly, and he nodded too, a decision in his head made, “Okay,” He repeated.

I brought the back of my hand under my eyes, scrubbing at the dampness. “So, this was us…unbreaking up, I guess,” I mumbled, addressing my earlier words.

He nodded, “Correct,” His lips twitched once more, “and as a celebration, we should definitely have thank god we are back together sex.”

A low chuckle vibrated from my throat, “How does everything somehow end in sex with you?”

“I’m consistent,” he said. “It’s one of my better qualities.”

“You mean one of your most concerning ones,” I pointed out.

“Semantics.” He clicked his tongue, then rested his palm against the door right beside my head, boxing me in. He leaned closer, his eyes darkening as he slipped back into the version of himself he wore like second skin, the one he was most comfortable in. “So, are you gonna let me make it up to you the way I prefer?”

I crossed my arms over my chest, my eyebrow lifting, “Make it up to me?”

He nodded, “Yeah, I messed up,” He pointed out, “You said it yourself, I screwed up spectacularly today, so shall I show you how I apologize?” His lips twitched as he gazed at my lips, “Not the verbal way…but the one that makes you lose your ability to walk properly.”

I cleared my throat, playing his favorite game, “What if I prefer the verbal way?”

He brought his other hand up and tucked my hair behind my ear, “I can do that. I’ll bring you flowers and say I am sorry like the good boy I am, but is that what you really want?”

“You are not a good boy, Nathan,” I said, biting my lower lip to keep the smile from betraying me.

His eyes lingered on my mouth before his hand moved, and his thumb slid under my lip, freeing it from my teeth like he owned that too. He dragged his thumb over it once before his gaze flicked back to mine. His voice dropped, a shade darker, “Do you want me to be a good boy?”

Jesus Christ. Why did that twist so low in my stomach?

His eyes took notice of the sudden flush that crept up my neck. I hated my skin for that. It always testified against me. His mouth tilted up like he’d just been handed proof.

A low chuckle left him as his hand slid from my chin, wrapping around my throat lightly, “In your dreams, princess,” He said, “When I am fucking you, I’ll always be the one in control, so don’t go fantasizing about the impossible.”

I gulped down, “I am not, you happen to be decent at…fucking me.”

“Decent?” His eyebrow raised, “You scream your lungs off when my cock fills you up, so I reckon I am more than decent. Come on, princess, don’t wound me.”

I shot him a glare, trying to feign annoyance so my blush won’t give me away, “Wow, such a prince charming you are,” I muttered mockingly.

His eyebrows knitted in offense, “Ew, prince charming couldn’t handle half the things I do to you.”

My eyebrow lifted.

He nodded once, dead serious. “Actually, you wouldn’t survive five minutes with him. He’d try to be gentle, and you’d get bored.” His lips twitched, ever so wicked. “I’m the only one unhinged enough to handle what you actually like.”

I wasn’t about to give him the satisfaction of agreeing to that, “Yet I am not unhinged enough to handle the things you like.”

With his hand around my neck, his thumb kept brushing over my pulse point, almost unconsciously. He had some weird obsession with it, always finding the beat beneath my skin, stroking it like he was counting something, like that tiny rhythm belonged to him. It only fed my vampire theory, honestly.

“Want me to test that and tell you what I’d very much like to do right now?”

I nodded my head, playing into his game. This was tons better than us fighting, god, I hated it when we fought.

Instead of talking, his hand slipped from my throat and dropped lower, and I watched him as he reached past me and clicked the door’s lock. My eyes snapped back to his, questioning. He shrugged, “Can’t have you running off after what I say, it’s just a precaution.”

I narrowed my eyes. “You don’t fantasize about killing me or something, do you?”

He shook his head, completely unbothered. “I did before, but not anymore.”

My stomach dropped so hard I swear I felt it in my knees. My eyes widened, already calculating exits that were now…conveniently unavailable.

He watched it happen and chuckled, the bastard. “Calm down, princess, I’m kidding,” he said, so amused. “You’re too pretty and adorable, how could I ever kill you?”

You should’ve run when you could’ve, the voice in my head mocked.

“Now let’s talk real business,” He went on, “What I would like very much now is to pump you full of my cum, put half a dozen children in you, and tie you to me for life, but we both know you are not ready for that yet so I am holding myself back,” He shrugged, like this was so normal, “When you think of it, it’s not that unhinged actually.”

My ears were ringing, I swear. My eyes flickered down to the door’s knob, and I muttered in horror, “Unlock it and let me out.”

He chuckled as his fingers slid beneath my chin and lifted my face back to his, forcing my panic to meet his calm. “What would you do then if you heard all the depraved fantasies that go on in my head about you?”

“Probably kill you and make it look like an accident,” I quipped, and he laughed, leaving me utterly stunned at how our conversation had flipped a hundred eighty degrees.

I cleared my throat, “What are…some of those fantasies?” I asked, then quickly added, “I mean something…doable, a bit more normal.” My glare sharpened, “and not remotely related to what you said earlier.”

The whole children thing still sat wrong in my stomach. It made me uneasy in an inexplicable way. God, no, I couldn’t be a mother, not now, not ever.

Nathan shook his head, “I am not going to give you more excuses to run away from me.”

“Not that,” I hesitated, hating how my skin always betrayed me before my mouth did, “maybe a thing that we could—I don’t know, maybe try…or something.”

The truth was, before him, I hadn’t been…like this. I’d thought sex was just sex, a physical thing, a simple thing. Then this psycho boy walked into my life and ripped the simplicity out by the throat.

He didn’t just make me want, he made me feral like him. This infectious parasite of a human. I didn’t even know that animal existed inside me until he called it by name.

His eyes scanned my face, cautiously, like he was checking for strings. Then they narrowed, suspicious. “This is not a trap or a test or something, is it?”

I lightly shoved his shoulder, “No, stop making me repeat myself,” I grumbled as the heat crept up my neck.

He watched it spread with admiration like he’d personally ordered it.

His thumb dragged over his lower lip, so thoughtful, like he was tasting a decision. He stayed quiet for a beat too long, and it made my pulse stutter before he spoke, “Knife play,” Holy fucking crap, “It’s been in my head for a while, and don’t act surprised. You knew you were dating the wrong kind of man.”

I swallowed hard. “Knife…play?”

“Mm.” His mouth tilted, dark amusement flickering.

I should’ve said no. I should’ve run.

Instead, I forced my spine straight and held his gaze. Jesus Christ, what am I doing? “Okay,” I said, my breath uneven. “We can…try that.”

Nathan blinked, like my answer didn’t compute.

His eyes didn’t leave mine, too damn discerning, then he shook his head, “No, you don’t have to do something you’re not comfortable with,” He said, serious, giving me an out, “I mean, sure, I love manhandling you and toying with your sweet body, but this is different.”

I shook my head, firmer. “I’m serious. I want to try.”

Because he was the only man on earth I’d trust with the ugliest parts of desire. The only one I’d let stand that close to the edges and not push me over them. God, I couldn’t even imagine myself doing any of this with anyone else.

Nathan looked utterly stunned, “Holy shit,” He breathed, “Marry me.”

I glared and shoved him again, but he barely budged. “Stop being an asshole.”

“I’m not.” His grin twitched. “I’m being sincere. It’s horrifying.”

I rolled my eyes, but my throat was too tight, my pulse too loud.

He sobered just a fraction. “You’re sure sure?”

I nodded, “Uh-huh.”

God, what am I doing…and worse, why did the thought of it alone make my skin tingle?

“Good,” he murmured, “Because if you’re giving me permission to ruin you a little, I’m going to be very offended if you expect me to be gentle about it.”

“But you’d stop if I got…uncomfortable, right?” I mumbled.

His expression didn’t even hesitate. “Of course,” he said, immediately. He edged closer, invading my air. “We can use a safeword if you want.”

I nodded, and the knot in my chest loosened just enough to breathe.

“What do you want it to be?” he asked.

I thought about it for a second only before my lips twitched, “Grey,” I said.

His face fell instantly.

He stared at me like I’d personally offended him, then looked away and exhaled through his nose. “Fucking hell.”

I smiled smugly, “It’s my safe word, I pick grey,” I poked his chest teasingfully, “just like your heart.”

He grumbled something under his breath, then muttered, “Fine, whatever.”

Then, all I felt was his hand fist the collar of my sweatshirt and tug me into him like he’d run out of patience for words. I yelped, the sound dissolving as his mouth took mine, so quick and ruthless, like he was done negotiating. His teeth caught my lower lip, and he bit hard, just enough to remind me who I was dealing with.

“You’re going to regret not running from me when you had the chance,” he muttered against my mouth as he released my lip. God. It burned.

Before I could steady my breathing, his hand slid to my wrist, closing around it, and he pulled me away from the door, tugging me with him.

“Where are we going?” I managed, half breathless.

“Bedroom,” he said, like it was obvious. I stumbled a step as he guided, no, claimed the direction. “Not here, too many windows. Too many chances for someone to see.”

His grip tightened slightly, his thumb brushing the inside of my wrist where my pulse betrayed me, “and you’re only mine to look at.”

With a swift kick, Nathan slammed the bedroom door shut behind us with a thud that echoed. His hand was still locked around mine as he dumped me onto the bed, my body bouncing once, my gasp catching before he loomed over me. I barely had time to process the shift before he wrapped his fingers around my throat, pulling me closer as his lips crashed against mine again.

His chest heaved with a manic energy that sent a spark of heat racing through me. God, I felt like I’d unleashed a monster within him, and now it was free, ready to devour me whole.

“Now, my sweet princess, let me start making it up to you,” he whispered into my mouth, easing back just enough to lock his gaze onto mine.

His hazel eyes were darker than ever. The green ring encircling his irises seemed to swallow the lighter shades, like a predator ready to ensnare its prey. They flickered, like a hypnotic abyss that affirmed I was utterly at his mercy.

He moved back, straightening to his full height by the edge of the bed, his eyes flickering all over me, “Take off your clothes,” He ordered.

My fingers trembled as I pushed myself up on my elbows, my heartbeat thundering like it wanted out of my ribs. I hooked my hands under the hem of my sweatshirt and peeled it over my head, tossing it aside.

God, I wasn’t dressed for anything remotely fitting this, just my dark-green sweat set, my hair probably even a mess, but Nathan looked at me like I was art he wanted to vandalize.

Like I was something so rare, sacred even, and irreplaceable.

Goosebumps prickled my skin under his gaze, that obsessive stare stripping me mentally before I even touched the fabric. He was tall, intimidating, and so damn alluring. God, he was every fucked up fantasy of mine and more.

I swallowed, forced my hands steady, and hooked my thumbs into the waistband of my sweatpants. I slid them down, rid of the last layer. The cool air kissed my thighs, and I could feel the dampness between my legs already, betraying how his darkness rushed through my veins like venom.

As I reached back to unhook my lace bra, Nathan’s hand clamped around my wrist. “No,” he grated out, yanking my arm down, “That’s mine to ruin.”

“Nath—”

“Shh…” He muttered before his lips fell on mine again, tasting them slower, his hand still on my wrist, his weight crushing into me, leading me back, back, and back till I fell and sank into the mattress. His knee wedged between my thighs, parting them, his fingers digging into my wrist, pinning it beside me.

His lips moved from my lips to the corner of my mouth, down my chin, and jaw. He tipped his head, sinking his sinful lips into my neck, nipping and grazing till he reached my pulse point.

Dear god, it instantly raced at the warm sensation, fucking detonated when he teased at the tender skin, “I’d die for this heartbeat,” He muttered against it, his words rumbling, vibrating deep into every nerve of my being, “It’s only mine, isn’t it?”

I pressed my eyes shut, the back of my head sinking deeper into the mattress, “Hmm,” I mumbled, my free hand reaching for him, my fingers threading through his hair, but he didn’t let me. He lifted the hand that was around my wrist, clasped it around both of them, and pushed my arms above my head, fully pinning me down.

The rustling of fabric echoed, my senses heightened as he carried on, “It beats only for me,” He rasped, “but does it trust me to trace it with my knife and not pierce it deep?”

His words were followed by his teeth closing around the skin. A whimper tore from my throat, my wrists straining against his hold, fighting, aching to touch him, but his grip tightened, bruising, stripping me of any control.

He eased back for a fleeting second, and that’s when I felt it.

The cold.

I gasped. Oh, dear god.

The sharp blade’s edge pressed flush against the pulse of my throat, and my eyes snapped open, watching the inferno burn brighter in his own. “Do you trust me, princess?” He asked again, his lips descending back to claim mine, “Do you think I have the restraint to trace your perfect skin and not dig deeper?” He breathed into my lips, tasting them, one by one, bit by bit, “Are you not terrified I’d lose it, draw your blood out and feast on it?”

The clenching at the pit of my stomach only ratcheted up higher with every word, with the cold sensation on my neck, with the fear and pleasure fusing in a shadowed alchemy.

“Such an exquisite image, isn’t it?” He hummed darkly, and I felt the blade move, a whisper of metal against skin, so faint it might’ve been my imagination. It etched from below my ear, carving a line to my collarbone.

I tried to clamp my thighs to stop the ache, but he forbade it, his knee forcing them wider whenever I attempted to.

“This type of fear looks so damn good on you,” He grumbled, “I can feel it in your breath,” His lips grazed the spot where the knife had traced its line, “in the tremor of your heartbeat,” The knife glided lower, teasing the curve of my breast, “I can taste it off your sweet skin,” God, he devoured me in fragments.

My breath shattered when the blade suddenly sliced through the left strap of my bra, the lace parting instantly. He positioned the edge at the front clasp, then shoved upward, metal biting fabric, tearing through with a rip that exposed my heaving breasts in one motion. The bra fell away, scraps dangling from my shoulders.

Chills raced over my exposed skin as the heat flooded my veins, every inch of my body screaming and alive.

Nathan’s eyes darkened, his pupils swallowing the irises as he flicked the knife, casting the destroyed lace aside, “Bloody hell, look at you,” he admired me like I was a canvas slashed and reborn under his merciless brush, the kind of painter that doesn’t create beauty without damage.

Like I was a forbidden verse, and he was the poet, the one who writes with crimson blood instead of ink, and it looked like he’d stain me with it, from the inside out.

I fought against his hold, desperate to wrench my wrists free, but he clamped down fiercer, forcing my body to twist and writhe beneath his weight, “Nathan,” I breathed out in need, “Please…”

“Please, what?”

“Let me…” I tried to say, stammering, twisting my hands, but when I moved, the edge of the knife pressed slightly deeper into the swell of my breast, just a little, a prick, a tiny pierce that bloomed warmth, my words melting into a moan that vibrated through my bones.

The sensation was so damn aphrodisiac, such an addictive poison…god, I nearly thrust forward again, craving that sharp edge to split me wider.

“Tsk, tsk,” Nathan clicked his tongue, pulling back just enough to rake his gaze down my body, “Look at what you did,” He muttered before he dipped his head, his lips brushing over the fresh cut on my skin, kissing it, tasting the little bead of blood that trickled down, “You just like being so messy, don’t you?”

I arched against him, unable to handle the throbbing on my skin or between my legs. What dark sorcery was he weaving in me…what the hell was he doing to me?

“Let go of my hands,” I whimpered, barely breathing, teetering on the edge of shattering and coming undone from the sheer intensity of this.

“You have a safeword, use it,” He muttered, pulling his body back just enough for the blade to leave my skin, erupting a sound from my throat that surely felt like a desperate whine. Damn it, I needed to get a grip.

I looked him in the eyes and shook my head fiercely, defiance in my gaze, not willing to let this moment end. That alone tugged the corner of his lips into a devilish smile, a dark promise etched into every corner of his handsome face.

He released one of my wrists, his grip loosening, “My hand alone won’t pin you down, I know your wild, wicked spirit all too well,” he rasped, easing back while tugging me forward by the remaining hold, my torso arching up in his pull.

He freed the other wrist, “Take off my belt, princess.”

I swallowed thickly, my eyes trailing from his face downward, mesmerized. The knife was still in his grasp as he gripped the hem of his shirt, yanking it up and over his head.

I brought my hands closer, resting them hesitantly at the waistband of his pants, but my gaze betrayed me, flickering up to the newly stitched-up wound that was still healing. My chest clenched painfully at the memory of it, and without thinking, I clutched at his sides, inching closer on my knees, pressing my lips reverently against the jagged skin.

Nathan’s breath fractured, a ragged hitch escaping his throat as his hand slid to the nape of my neck, cradling my head with a tenderness that ripped my poor heart open again.

I pulled back just enough to crane my neck and look up, meet his stormy eyes. His fingers threaded through my hair, stroking with agonizing gentleness, a stark contradiction to everything we’re doing. “Why must you be so fucking adorable?” He murmured, stroking my hair, “It’s gonna make my heart ache when I fully break you down.”

My lips twitched, “It’s okay, I think I like it when you…break me down.”

His mouth curved into a predatory grin, that single nod all the invitation he craved. His fist tightened in my hair, pulling me back just enough for me to gasp as my fingers fumbled at his belt buckle.

God, he was already hard and throbbing, bulging against the denim, and I couldn’t resist the way my fingertips fluttered over the rigid outline, tracing it over the fabric.

Nathan hissed lowly before he wrapped his hand around the belt, tugging it from my grasp. In a blur, he shoved me flat onto the mattress, his body looming over mine as he looped the leather around my wrists, securing them tight to the bed’s rail. He pulled hard, the strap digging deep into my skin, I had to bite my cheek to stifle the sting.

He looked down at me, “Too tight?” He asked.

I shook my head. His smile darkened, satisfied, leaning down to brush his fingers over my cheek before he pecked my lips, almost sweetly, “Fuck, you’re perfect, my little masochist,” He muttered just as I felt the knife reach the dip of my waist, the blade tilting just enough before it sliced again.

Another snip, and my panties fell away entirely, leaving me completely bare under him.

His gaze raked over me, “Fuck, you’re so wet for this, aren’t you?” he growled low, “Tell me, did you ever do this with anyone else?” He asked, “Did you ever let someone else push the boundaries of fear and pleasure for you?” His voice was so rough, hanging by a thread as his territorial eyes flickered up to mine.

I shook my head once, then twice, “No one,” I managed to say, “Just you.”

“Just me?” He hummed, “Are you making me your villain, Aylin?”

I nodded, arching toward him, every nerve in me alight.

He dipped his head, kissing his way down the valley of my breast, “Hm, make me your villain,” He groaned against my skin, “Make me your one and only, princess.”

“You are…fuck, you are,” I arched against him, my wrists straining against the leather as the knife’s edge returned, much colder now, tracing lazy circles around my inner thigh, “God, Nathan, I’ve never…” I gasped, squeezing my eyes shut against the exquisite torment, “never felt like this with anyone else…never.”

The metal whispered dark promises against my skin, nicking just enough when I writhed and moved. Nathan’s free hand pinned my hip down so I’d stop getting myself hurt, his thumb pressing into the fresh mark at my waist, smearing the faint bead of blood like ink.

“Me neither,” he whispered, his voice so thick, “Never did I think someone could unravel me so thoroughly, thread by thread, until I’m all bare and aching for you alone.”

I jolted as his lips brushed feather-soft against my inner thighs, tasting all of me, “Where were you my whole life?” he mumbled, his breath hot and ragged, “You would’ve made it so fucking different.”

His eyes lifted to lock onto mine, ablaze with fire, and in that moment, I knew I had never seen anything more beautiful. He was my villain, yet I wanted to hold on to him, to keep him close, forever, if I could.

“Na…Nathan, please…” I panted, high on the pleasure I was chasing, desperate for him to just give in.

“Please what, baby?” he murmured as his mouth descended like a storm upon my core.

His tongue plunged into me, lapping at the walls with reverence, sucking me, devouring me whole, “You want me to cut you with my knife again?” He hummed, his lips closing around my clit to flick and torment it with precise, savage strokes, “or would you rather I fuck you with it?”

His beard scraped my thighs while he hummed, “Or do you crave my cock pounding into you instead?” The low growl sent shockwaves through me, shattering my last threads of control.

I couldn’t breathe…couldn’t think as the tension snapped like a frayed wire within me. All of the buildup had me crashing down so fast, the pleasure tore through me so mercilessly I felt like I’d pass out. I might’ve screamed, my body convulsing in sharp pulses, flooding his mouth with my release as I cried out, my body arching off the bed in ecstasy.

My wrists yanked futilely at the belt, the leather digging my skin as I thrashed, the pain amplifying the wave crashing through me. I was panting, the darkness swirling at the edges of my vision, the pleasure lifting me higher and higher as every nerve ending tingled.

“Jesus Christ,” I breathed out, panting still as my body sagged into the bed, so spent and trembling.

“It’s Nathan, baby,” He corrected me, “You know how I don’t like it when you moan other names while you’re in my arms.”

My eyes snapped open to glare at him, at this silly, maddening man. He winked in return, ever so amused, as he hovered over me, his lips glistening with the outcome of my intense pleasure.

I melted deeper into the mattress, my strength ebbing away. “God, what was that?”

“That was you coming apart like never before,” He muttered, leaning in, kissing me, making me taste myself off him, “And you dare say I am…decent,” He kissed me like he just couldn’t get enough. “I haven’t even fucked you properly, and you are all spent,” He nipped my lower lip hard when my eyelids fluttered shut, forcing them back open, “Sober up, princess, I am no way near done with you.”

He set the blade aside, discarding it, it fell down with a metallic clink. I whined, my eyes flickering to it, “But…but why?” I turned to him, my lips forming a small pout.

He chuckled, “God, you’re just as fucked up in the head as me, aren’t you?” He pulled back as his eyes drifted over my body, “You should see how you look right now, this sweet body all flushed and marked…so fucking beautiful.” He hummed, satisfaction rumbling as his fingers traced my breasts, skimmed my stomach, circled my hips, lingering on every mark he’d carved with his mouth and his blade, “You are my masterpiece.”

“Untie me, please,” I whispered. His eyes fell back on mine, “I want to touch you…please.”

“You sound so damn sweet when you beg,” He leaned closer and pecked my lips, “How could I ever deny you that?” True to his words, he loosened the belt, freeing my wrists. He lifted them gently to his mouth, pressing tender kisses over the angry red welts.

He’s going to shatter my poor heart along with everything else, isn’t he?

My fingers skimmed over his chest, over hard muscle and the jagged reminders of old scars, until they drifted lower, tracing that sharp V at his waist. I looked up at him, the plea loud in my eyes, and he understood without a word.

He got rid of layers, tugging at the zipper, freeing his cock, god, so thick and veined, the swollen head already glistening with pre-cum, throbbing.

I couldn’t stop. It was always just instincts with him. I wasn’t nearly this bold before him. I wrapped my hand around his length, stroking slowly, my teeth sinking into my lower lip to stifle the fresh wave of pleas bubbling up inside me.

“Fuck, Aylin,” he groaned, tipping his head back, veins bulging in his neck as pleasure twisted his features. “If I don’t bury myself deep in you right now, I swear I’ll shatter into a thousand pieces.” He grumbled, almost agonized.

I nodded frantically, releasing him with trembling fingers. He pressed his palm flat against my waist, pinning me down, positioning the tip at my entrance, nudging my swollen folds apart, teasing the heat of me.

“Come on, please, now,” I whimpered, arching up toward him, desperate.

“Your wish is my command,” He grumbled as he thrust in hard, burying himself in one brutal, claiming stroke that split me open.

I cried out, biting the inside of my cheeks to muffle the scream tearing from my throat, my fingers fisting the sheets until my knuckles whitened. The stretch burned fiercely, pain and pleasure tore through me, clenching as he filled me, testing all of my limits.

He didn’t give me time to adjust, pulling back only to slam deeper, the fresh cuts on my body throbbing in rhythm with his pace. His free hand roamed my body, his fingers moving over the knife marks, twisting the pain into ecstasy as he fucked me like a man possessed.

“Take it all, princess,” he grumbled, leaning down to capture my mouth in a savage kiss, teeth clashing and tongues battling as he angled to hit every sensitive spot deep inside me.

“You’re my ruin,” Thrust, “my dark salvation—” Another brutal drive forward, grinding against my core.

“Break for your villain,” Thrust, “let me drown in the wreckage of you,” Thrust. “Cum on my cock again, like the good girl you are.” Dear god, my heart sure skips a beat whenever he calls me that, “Shatter around me, baby.”

That’s all it took.

I did—folded into the wreckage and came undone, the pain blooming into an aphrodisiac heat that stole my breath and left me drowning in air, in him, in the danger I couldn’t stop choosing.

If he tells me this isn’t love, well, then love is too small a word anyway.

⊹˚₊‧────────────‧₊˚⊹

So, newsflash—Nathan does sleep. Yup, I caught him.

He is sleeping now, like a little baby.

Too much for my vampire theory…

I brushed my hand over his hair, pushing the soft strands away from his forehead, and my chest did that stupid little thing it does around him, tightening, melting, panicking, all at once.

I gazed at him in awe, because he was the most dangerous, adorable thing in this whole world.

After he ruined my ability to walk or move, we both fell into a deep sleep, him in a much deeper one for once, considering he didn’t sleep at all during the night.

I, on the other hand, got maybe an hour-ish. My body was drained, thanks to this menace, but my mind stayed wide awake, looping through his words from earlier, over and over again.

It was nearing seven in the evening now, and I had to tear myself away from him to go get his little gift, because when I left earlier, it wasn’t ready yet.

I traced near his temple and whispered, “Who would ever believe this innocent face could be such a menace when he’s awake?”

I pressed a little kiss to the tip of his nose, smiling at how he stayed fast asleep. I leaned in and pecked his lips once before I tucked the blanket up under his neck. Then, slowly and so carefully, I untangled myself from him.

On very slow, cautious steps, I slipped away, grabbed something to wear, and hurried out of the room before he’s catch me.

I went into the guest bathroom to freshen up. I stretched and cracked my neck, trying to get my energy back. I was still wearing his shirt, he’d slipped it on me when I was shivering as I fell asleep. A yawn flew past my lips as I tugged it off, and the second I did, I actually gasped…oh my god.

I caught my reflection and nearly stopped breathing.

My body was marked, by his teeth, his lips, and the…the knife. Nothing too serious, there was tiny nips here, and faint grazes there, but jesus fucking christ, what is this? Heat climbed my neck, my face flushing as memories tried to creep in, not sure when this version of me, who enjoyed and reveled in this insanity, was born.

I should really start questioning my life choices.

“Nope,” I muttered at my reflection, “We are not doing this right now.”

I focused on the basics, on the cold water, my steady breaths, and normal human tasks.

I slipped into one of my jeans and a white wool sweater. I attempted to make my hair presentable, failed instantly, and shoved it into a ponytail. When I stepped out, I grabbed a thick scarf and wrapped it around my neck to hide evidence, then shrugged into my coat, grabbed my phone and keys, and left.

As I drove to the shelter, I called my mom, but she didn’t pick up again. So, I sent her a text to call me when she can, trying to kill the worry blooming within me since morning.

At the next red light, I checked the unknown number again. Still nothing. I exhaled slowly, forcing the panic back down where it belonged. I’m going to have to tell Nathan about this.

I shook all of those thoughts away and focused on the task at hand for now. After grabbing everything I needed from Jonah, I drove back. The whole thing took an hour, maximum. When I walked into the house, I set the carrier on the couch and quickly took care of the rest.

Not long after, I heard slow, shuffling footsteps coming down the stairs, “Aylin?” Nathan’s voice followed, so rough and sleepy. “Princess…where are you?”

I quickly stepped out of the living room, and the second he reached the last steps, his eyes landed on me. His brows knitted. “There you are,” he breathed out in relief.

I smiled and stepped closer toward him. His hand instantly caught me by the waist and pulled me into him. He buried his face into my hair with a sleepy inhale like I was his oxygen supply.

“I woke up, and you weren’t there,” he mumbled, his sleepy voice muffled against me, “Don’t do that to me again.”

I tilted my head up, my eyebrow raising at this little clingy baby, “You always do that to me,” I pointed out.

He made a sound somewhere between a scoff and a whine, refusing to acknowledge his hypocrisy. Then his eyes drifted over my outfit, suspiciously, “Where were you?”

I smiled, “I went to get you your christmas gift.”

His frown deepened, “My…christmas gift?”

I nodded, “You thought I got everyone something and forgot about you?”

His lips twitched, his shoulders involuntarily relaxing, “So you didn’t forget about me?”

I shook my head with a smile at this silly human.

“What did you get me?” He asked, ever so excited, sobering up rather quickly, “Are you gonna wrap yourself in a bow and hand yourself over to me, because that would be an awesome gift?”

I laughed and stepped behind him, rising onto my toes to cover his eyes with my hands. “Okay, no peeking.”

He froze for half a second, then a slow smile tugged at his mouth. “Princess, you are doing this wrong. For this to work, I’m supposed to be the one behind you,” He commented, his mind always going to dirty, dark places.

I slapped his shoulder.

He chuckled lowly like it pleased him.

I covered his eyes again. “Shush and walk, come on.”

He took one step, then another, and of course, because he couldn’t help being a menace, his hands drifted back to me, like he was searching for something before his palm landed on my ass, and he squeezed it.

“Nathan!” I shot out, “Behave and walk properly.”

“I am liking this quite a lot,” He muttered, giving my ass another squeeze, before his hand moved upward, “Now I need to find your boobs.” He blindly tried to reach for me, groping on any place he latched on, “Where are they?” He whined, and I huffed, trying to push him forward. “This is exciting, you know? Like my own blind sexy puzzle.”

“The way you ruin all the sweet moments,” I grumbled as we paused by the living room.

“Yeah,” he said, completely unapologetic. “I make them better.”

“I’m taking my hands off,” I warned, “but keep your eyes closed until I tell you otherwise, okay?”

He huffed dramatically, “Okay, you are such a tease, you better be naked when I open my eyes.”

I sighed and looked up at the ceiling, “God help me.”

“He won’t.”

I refrained from smacking him as I slid my hands away and headed toward the carrier, my fingers fumbling with the latch. My heart was doing that nervous drumbeat thing because, listen, cats might be cute but only from a distance, very far, like…across an ocean.

I twisted the lock and opened it, immediately backing away. The tiny grey creature sprang free, and my soul briefly left my body.

I grimaced, fully expecting it to launch at my face, but instead, its little eyes locked onto Nathan, its little nose wiggling, as if it remembered him or something.

“Okay, you can open your ey—”

I didn’t even get to finish because the cat bolted, fast as a bullet, and jumped right onto his leg, latching on to him.

Nathan startled. “What the—”

His eyes flew open, and they widened as he looked down. Then, as quickly as it came, his shock melted into pure awe.

“Oh my god,” he breathed and crouched instantly, scooped her up with both hands. “It’s the same one?” He asked, his astonished eyes falling on me.

I smiled and nodded. “Yeah, she was sick, so I couldn’t bring her earlier, but Jonah said she’s all okay now.”

I edged closer to them, still suspicious, still ready to sprint if the creature made any sudden movements.

Nathan, apparently a natural at this, cradled her gently. He tucked her in against his chest, nuzzled her with his chin, “Hey, you little baby,” he murmured, before he leaned and kissed her ugly little head multiple times.

The cat let out a tiny, pleased meow, her rat-like eyes closing like she was living her best life, and then she buried herself in the crook of his neck, purring in happiness. My eyebrows pulled closer, and I shot her a glare…maybe this was a bad idea.

Could I return her? Is there a return policy on tiny grey demons?

Nathan’s questioning gaze flickered from her and back to me, trying to understand all of this.

I shrugged, “You looked like you wanted her when Jonah asked,” I explained, recalling the time we found her on the street and Nathan insisted we drop her at the shelter, “But you said no…because of me, probably.”

He looked at me, his gaze a bit too soft, “But you’re scared of her?” He said.

I glanced down at the creature and swallowed hard. She blinked up at me, smug as hell, still purring into his throat like she owned the place. I am returning her, that’s for sure.

“You’ll teach me how not to be, I guess,” I muttered, forcing the words out. “We can…look after her together, I mean.” My face flushed the second those words left my mouth. Holy crap, I probably did not think this through. He hinted at children in the morning, and now I brought him a cat. I hope he doesn’t get the wrong idea.

I turned my face away, trying to escape, and pointed at all the stuff I’ve bought, “I got her uh…food, and uhm, a litter box,” I pointed at them, “and a few…toys,” I picked up the bag. “Also, her vaccinations and papers are—”

I barely got the last words out because Nathan’s hand wrapped over my arm and twirled me back into him. His lips fell into mine, and he tasted me again, like he hadn’t been feasting on me all over the past hours.

When he pulled back, he murmured, “I told you to stop being so damn adorable.”

My cheeks warmed, and I smiled despite myself. “I can’t. It comes naturally.”

He chuckled, and before I could say a thing, something furry shoved its head between us. I gasped and stumbled back, glaring down at the thing, still nestled in his arms, looking at me.

Nathan laughed, full-on amused now.

I narrowed my eyes. “She did that on purpose.”

“She’s establishing boundaries,” he said, dropping another kiss to her head, “I like her.”

“I don’t,” I grumbled.

His grin widened. “Give me your hand.”

My entire body stiffened. “Why?”

He reached for it, but I yanked it back on instinct, still utterly bothered by the tiny demon currently living her best life in my man’s arms.

“Come on,” he urged, “Trust me.”

I took a steadying breath and let my hand go limp in his. He guided it forward, bringing it closer to the cat’s head. He tapped it gently over the furry thing, and I grimaced at the sensation.

“Just pet her like this,” he encouraged, letting go of my hand so I’d do it by myself.

I hesitated, then gave the smallest stroke possible.

“See?” he said. “She’s happy. She’s not going to hurt you.”

The cat let out a soft little meow and shoved her head under my palm like she was demanding more, nuzzling into my hand with full entitlement.

The weirdness of it made my skin crawl in a way I couldn’t explain, so I snatched my hand back, wiping it against my pants like it had germs on it.

“Okay,” I said, “that’s enough affection for you.”

Nathan chuckled, shaking his head. “Not a maternal bone in you, huh?”

I shook my head, my face twisting in annoyance, “Not one bit.”

He adjusted the cat in his arms. “So, what are we going to name her?”

I shrugged, then the evil thought formed, “Uh… grey?” I suggested.

His smile dropped so fast and he shot me a glare, “In your dreams.”

“What I meant,” I said innocently, dragging it out on purpose, “Grey…son.” I blinked. “It’s a name. Greyson. Isn’t it?”

His glare didn’t soften. “She’s a girl,” he said, stroking her head. “That’s a boy’s name.”

I smiled wider. “Gender norms are a social construct, Nathan.”

“No cat of mine will be named after your little teasing warfare,” He shot out, ever so serious.

I sighed, rolling my eyes as I pointed at her. “Look at her, she’s literally grey.”

“And I’m literally dangerous,” he said, unimpressed. “We’re not naming me ‘Felony‘ either.”

My lips twitched. “We should.”

He shot me another glare, then looked down at her. The cat blinked up at him, innocent as ever, purring as she’d already won him over.

Nathan hummed, thinking, then something clicked. His mouth curled into a slow smile, “Found it,” he said.

He shifted her and settled her over his shoulder, one hand supporting her tiny body, “Luna.”

My brows knitted. “Luna?”

He nodded. “Yep, it’s Latin for moon.” His eyes flickered to me and he winked, so pleased with himself. “It’s similar to your name’s meaning.”

I narrowed my eyes at him, and the ugly cat purred again.

I stared at her, glaring, “Of course she’ll encourage you.”

He winked. “She has great taste.”

⊹˚₊‧────────────‧₊˚⊹

Nathan’s POV

Christian finally left. Phew.

Having him around was becoming a nuisance, always interrupting my Aylin-time. Now I have her all to myself again. Yay.

I also made sure to confiscate Aylin’s gift for him before he left. Turns out, it was some vintage pen with his name scribbled on it. I researched the brand, and yeah, it was expensive, so naturally, I threw it out of the window.

No one knows I did that yet, so let’s keep our lips sealed, yeah? I’m trying to be a better man and all because.

Anyway, my princess got me a great gift too, so I won’t complain much.

God, the way I’ve devoured her whole and was still starving is just insane. Now, I am probably gonna get hard every time I kill someone with my knife, recalling how I used it on her. Damn, that’s gonna be an issue.

Luna was snoring on my chest, her little paws tucked in, her whole body warm and soft. I lifted her carefully and carried her to the ridiculous little bed Aylin bought her. It had tiny cushions. Tiny everything. It was so stupidly cute.

My princess sure went all in for this. I wanna eat her up whenever I think of it.

Speaking of, where is she?

I left the living room and searched around, my eyes drifting. The kitchen’s lights were on, so I headed there, pausing by the doorway when my eyes fell on her back. My lips curved up. She had two steaming cups of tea resting on the counter, probably prepped them for us.

“Princess?” I called for her.

She didn’t turn around. She didn’t seem to have registered my voice at all.

My smile wavered…almost as if I could sense it. My eyes tried to assess her body language, swallowing hard as I stepped further in.

I reached her side, and my hand went to her arm, gently, “Aylin?” I called again, but she didn’t turn, didn’t even flinch.

My jaw clenched tight.

My eyes fell down, taking notice of what her gaze was focused on. My eyebrows pulled closer. It was my knife. I’d taken it out earlier, Luna was climbing all over me, and it wasn’t safe to keep it where she could get hurt, so I dropped it here, a place high enough she wouldn’t jump on.

Aylin’s fingers were wrapped around the handle like it was the only thing keeping her upright. Her gaze was fixed on it, so empty and sharp at the same time, like she wasn’t seeing the knife at all.

Like she was seeing something behind it.

A single tear slipped down her cheek.

My throat tightened, anger flashing hot at whatever the hell kept stealing her away from me.

I brought my hand up slowly, my fingertips brushing the side of her neck. Her pulse was…so wrong, too fast, too trapped, like her body was screaming while her mind was gone.

She’d disappeared into her head again.

It’s been a while since this last happened, and I’d forgotten, God, I’d forgotten, how terrifying it is to watch her vanish while she’s still standing right in front of me.

I leaned in, my voice dropping lower, “Baby…can you hear me?”

I pressed a kiss to her cheek, caught that tear with my mouth like I could undo it. “Talk to me,” I murmured, “Come back to me, come on.”

Her lips parted slightly.

Her eyes never moved from the counter, from over the knife.

“I…” she breathed, like the word was stuck in her throat. “I…remember.”

Every muscle in my body locked.

“Remember what?” I asked as my hand hovered near hers, ready to take the knife from her before she accidentally hurt herself.

The moment my fingers brushed her wrist, she jerked away like she’d been burned.

“No!” she snapped, stumbling back, her grip tightening around the knife, lifting it defensively. “No…” Her gaze was fixed on the blade, a look of utter despair washing over her. “I…I should’ve died.”

All the blood fucking drained from my head.

“Don’t say that,” I rasped out, carefully moving closer, one step at a time, my eyes focused on the blade, for once so fucking terrified she might…harm herself.

Her eyes flickered up to mine, and I froze, instinctively halting in my tracks.

She looked at me, but again, she didn’t know me, there was no recognition in her eyes. In whatever version of reality she’d fallen into, I didn’t exist for some fucking reason.

I extended my arm forward, ever so careful, “Give me the knife, Aylin,” I said, my words low and measured, scared of saying or doing something that’ll trigger her further.

Her throat moved, bobbing, and she shook her head again, “I did it…more than once,” She whispered, and another tear fell, paving its way down her cheek.

“Did what?” I asked, my eyes locked on her grip around the knife, my heart pounding in my chest.

Her gaze fell to the blade, her lower lip trembling as I took a cautious step closer, so fucking careful. “I should….” More tears cascaded down her cheeks, and I was so close, ready to wrest it from her grip without causing her harm. “I should die,” she cried out, the desperation in her voice killing me over and over again as she moved the blade toward herself.

I was faster, lunging forward, my fingers clamping down over her wrist so fucking tight, fighting to keep the knife away from her flesh.

“No!” she screamed again, her voice raw with fear and fury.

Her fingers formed a vice-like grip around the handle, resisting my pull with a strength that bewildered me.

“Aylin, give it to me!” I shouted, bewilderment flooding my senses, but the more I pulled, the harder she pushed. “No, no, go away!” she snapped, battling me with every ounce of resolve she had left.

In my frantic attempt to redirect the blade away from her body, I inadvertently tilted it toward myself. Her anger multiplied, and with a fierce groan of pain, she pushed her hand forward and shoved the knife into my abdomen.

The metal sliced through my flesh brutally, the pain erupting like a wildfire in my veins, momentarily blackening my vision. Fuck.

The world around me spun as I felt warmth bloom beneath my shirt. The impact forced my upper body to hunch forward, my palm slamming against the counter to keep from collapsing, trapping her between my body and the cold surface.

“Fucking hell, princess,” I groaned, my eyes pressing shut as I fought through the pain, “This is definitely not what I meant by knife play.”

⊹˚₊‧──────────────────‧₊˚⊹

Author’s Note:

So, that happened…

She sure just ruined all of his knife fantasies lol xD

I hope you liked the chapter!
I can’t believe we are on chapter 30 already, it feels like we got here so fast, damn!

When I first started this book, I was planning to keep it short but I couldn’t, Nathan wouldn’t just shut up in my head and it felt like these two had too much to say and go through first.

Anyways, see ya soon 🔪