Chapter 34

“I drank what was killing us
like it was holy,
like it was meant to live inside me,
like poison tastes sweeter
when it has her name on it.“

Nathan’s POV

For someone who loves knives, I sure hate the way this one feels.

Not the physical pain, no, pain is easy, it’s simple, you grit your teeth, you wait it out, you forget it exists until it’s a scar you don’t even bother touching. This isn’t that.

This is the haunted look on her face, it’s her tears, it’s the blood she wanted to draw out of herself, it’s the way she doesn’t recognize me, like I’m just another shadow in whatever hell she’s reliving.

I fucking hate it.

Heat spread rapidly under my ribs, and the room tilted like the world had been kicked off its axis. I kept my palm flat on the counter, not just because I needed support, but because I needed stillness. If I swayed, she’d see it. If she saw it, she’d slip further.

Fucking hell, the burn spread and spread…she sure knew where to hit me and cause real damage.

I wouldn’t have expected anything less from her. She was my perfect match after all, my one and only.

I lifted one hand and brought it between us, my fingers carefully curling over her wrist, right above the hand locked around the handle. Her gaze was glued to the point where metal met flesh, to the blood seeping from me into the fabric, into the knife, into her little soft hands.

I felt her pulse, searching for any sign she was coming back to me, but all I felt was the tremor, the way her nervous system was misfiring like an alarm that didn’t know the fire was already out.

My chest tightened so fucking hard something ugly and protective snapped into place.

Whatever memory still had her by the throat…I wanted to rip it out of her with my bare hands. I wanted to end it before it dared to end her. I wanted to bleed it out for what it was doing to her.

“Aylin,” My voice came out much steadier than I felt, “Baby…eyes on me,” I urged, my thumb gently brushing her wrist over her pulse, “Look at me, come on.”

She heard me.

It wasn’t instant, but her head lifted slowly, almost like it weighed too much, until wrecked, glassy green eyes met mine. Her lower lip quivered. Her face was red and streaked with tears…too many I had to clench my jaw so fucking tight to keep my control.

If I let my panic show, she’d bolt back into that dark place. If I raised my voice, I’d lose her. If I moved wrong, she’d break.

So I held still. I held control. I held her.

I edged closer anyway, though we were already close as it was, considering her hand had the knife buried deep in me, but the pain could scream all it wanted. It wasn’t getting my attention. Not when she was right here, teetering, not when she could hurt herself if I let go.

All of my focus, my mind, my body, and every instinct I had was attuned to her, and her only.

I dipped my head and pressed my forehead to hers.

She sucked in a stuttering breath, her eyelids fluttering shut like the contact rewired something inside her.

Her pulse jumped and sprinted beneath my thumb.

“Can you hear me, princess?” I whispered, trying to reach for the part of her in there that knew me, “Listen to my voice and come back to me…please,” Fuck, I wasn’t short of begging her at this point.

“It scrapes at me every time I see you like this…you know I can’t protect you in there, Aylin, I need you back here, here with me, come back—come on, baby.”

Her breath hitched, “Nathan,” My name slipped out of her lips so weakly I barely caught it.

Relief hit me so fucking hard, “Yeah,” I muttered immediately, too fast, as if speed could keep her from disappearing again. “Yeah, it’s me.”

I kept my thumb on her pulse, kept counting it, kept tethering her, while my other hand slid lower, searching for the drawer by memory because my vision had started tunnelling.

“Keep your eyes closed and listen to my voice, okay?” I murmured, forcing steadiness into it as I rummaged through the medicine vials. My gaze dropped, found what I needed. “Just listen to my voice,” I added, my breathing turning heavier despite my grip on control.

“Tell me,” I kept brushing her wrist with my other hand, kept the contact as I fumbled with the needle, “What is it that you…remember?”

Her breathing picked up, quickening, like her lungs forgot they were safe.

The lines between her brows drew closer, her lips curled like she was in pain, her whole face twisting like she’d been struck from the inside, as if something had just grabbed her by the throat and yanked her backwards.

Fucking hell.

I gritted my teeth and used the few seconds I had, my hand moving fast before I shut the drawer, the needle secure in my palm.

Her eyelids weakly lifted, and her eyes met mine, devastated, ruined…god, what happened to you, Aylin? I swear I would’ve erased that part of your life with my bare hands if I could.

“No,” She whispered, not in refusal, more like she was mourning.

Tears gathered fast and spilled faster, furious and violent in their silence. She shook her head again and again like she was trying to shake an image out of her head.

“Oh my God…why…” she choked, her voice folding in on itself. “Why—”

I wanted to crack her head open and drag the truth out with my hands. I wanted to see the fucking monster that did this to her, put a name to it, end it. I fucking wanted something solid to hurt back.

But I couldn’t push her, not now. Not when her eyes darted down, searching for the sharp edge again, like some part of her believed the only way out was through damage.

That cold terror pierced me as her grip on the knife shifted.

My hold tightened on her wrist, hard enough to hurt…I couldn’t fucking risk it anymore. My jaw clenched as I pulled the knife free from my skin with a groan I couldn’t swallow, the pain exploding white-hot up my side.

The whole room fucking tilted.

I didn’t care.

I couldn’t fucking care.

I needed distance between her and the blade.

Her fingers locked over it for a second too long, and she whimpered, refusing to let go, her panic, instinct, and memory working overtime, so I squeezed her wrist hard enough to force her. She gasped at the pain, and her grip finally gave.

I wasted no time as I hauled the knife away and flung it as far as I could, the metal clattering hard against the floor somewhere distant.

Aylin flinched at the sound before she stumbled back, breaking contact with me. She lifted her bloody hand and stared at it as if she’d just woken up inside a nightmare and couldn’t understand how she got there.

“No…no,” She whimpered and shook her head, “No, no, not…again.”

Her focus splintered right in front of me. I saw it, the way her eyes started to glaze like the room was dissolving and she was being dragged backwards by something invisible.

She was going to fall right back into it.

Fuck, I was bleeding, and my hands were shaking, and for the first time, I didn’t trust myself to fucking stay standing long enough to keep her safe.

So I made the choice I hated.

I closed the distance in one stride, caught her by the arm, and pulled her into me, her body crashing into my own with a sharp gasp. “I’m sorry, princess,” I breathed into her hair, positioning the needle near her vein, and pushed into her skin, “I’m sorry—”

She jerked at the sting, a startled sound catching in her throat, but I didn’t let her go, kept her body close, my forehead pressed to her temple as I emptied every bit of the sedative into her blood.

Her eyes fluttered, confusion washing over her face as she tried to find me through the fog. “Nath…”

“It’s okay,” I held her tighter. I pulled her closer, “I’ve got you, it’s okay…I’ll make it all okay, I promise.”

Her body started to give in, her voice breaking over my name again.

The fight drained out of her slowly and unwillingly. Her eyelids sank, her head tipping back, and she went heavy in my arms.

My heart fucking stuttered.

I caught her fully, cradling her weight against me as I stumbled back into the counter, letting it take the strain of me and her as I lowered myself down, the dizziness clawing at the edges of my vision.

I fought it and stayed conscious through sheer spite.

I held her closer to me, my lips feathered over her head, breathing her in like she could refill the oxygen that was rapidly leaving me. Fuck. I hated doing it, but I had to knock her down. If I slipped under and she stayed in that state, she would’ve found a way to hurt herself, and I couldn’t fucking afford that.

My hand dug into the pocket of my sweatpants. I fumbled for my phone, my fingers slick, my vision all types of blurry. When I finally dragged it out, my bloody thumb smeared across the screen, leaving red streaks as I hit call.

I pressed it to my ear.

My head tipped back against the cold marble behind me, but the chill did nothing.

“Nath—”

“Did you leave?” I cut in, and only then did I hear the strain in my own voice, “Tell me you didn’t….”

“I am still on my way to the airpo—what’s wrong? Did something happen?” Christian asked, quickly picking up on my wavering tone.

I swallowed hard, my throat barely cooperating.

“Turn around,” I muttered. “Come back here, now.”

“Wha…okay,” he said, confused, but I heard the worry underneath, “Just tell me, what’s wrong?”

“I need you here,” I forced out, my breath turning heavier. Every word cost me more than it should have. The room kept shifting in slow waves around the edges of my vision. “Come on, stop wasting my energy, you fu…fucker…”

He was a fucker, alright, but he was the only fucker I trusted enough with something like this.

I tightened my hold on Aylin reflexively as her weight settled deeper into me, her head lolling against my shoulder, limp and warm. Too still.

My stomach turned on itself.

“You know where the…the keys are,” I added, the sentence breaking halfway through because my tongue felt thick.

My hand went numb around the phone, and my fingers weren’t strong enough anymore.

The phone slipped and clattered against the floor.

I tried, God, I tried, to reach for it, to claw myself upright, to stay conscious for one more second…but the darkness rose fast, swallowing everything around me.

It felt like a minute only.

Maybe ten.

Maybe even more, but when I finally pried my eyelids open again, my name hit my ears first, followed by heavy footsteps thundering through the house.

“Nathan!”

My hazy gaze found Christian as he skidded to a stop in the doorway. His eyes took in the scene in one brutal sweep, the blood, the floor, me, Aylin passed out in my arms…

“Fuck,” he spat, rushing to my side and lowering himself. “What happened here?” His eyes snapped to Aylin, panic cutting through his usual composure. “Is she okay?”

I blinked once, then twice. My mouth was so fucking dry.

“Yeah,” I breathed out, my voice scraping. “Thankfully, it’s my…my blood.”

Christian’s eyes went straight to my blood-soaked t-shirt, and his face tightened. “Bloody hell…what—” He couldn’t finish the sentence as he jumped to his feet, “Fuck…what the hell did you do this time, Nathan?” he grumbled, and I heard him rummaging through drawers and cabinets.

He came back and pressed something against my wound as another curse slipped past his lips.

The pressure made the world flash white.

I barely reacted.

Aylin was still unconscious in my arms. My eyes fell on her, seeing only her, and my arms curled tighter around her frail body, my instinct overriding every pain. I hoped with everything in me that her mind would delete this memory in exact.

“Help me get up,” I told him, trying to gather my body beneath me, but every movement fucking burned like hell. “I need to…to put her in bed, away from this, away…” I swallowed hard. “If she wakes up and sees this…just, just help me.”

Christian’s hand clamped around my shoulder, pushing me back down, “What the hell do you think you’re doing?” he growled, glaring at me, his eyes turning steel grey as he pinned me in place. “You can barely fucking move.”

He reached toward Aylin, his hand curling over her arm, “Give her to me.”

“No,” The word shot out of me like an instinctive snarl. My hold tightened, and I pulled her closer to my chest, away from him. I wanted to fucking punch him for touching her.

Christian froze for a second, disbelief flashing across his face. “Do you want me to smack you on the fucking head?” he shot back, exasperation riding the edge of fear. “You’re bleeding, you can barely move, give her to me.”

I shook my head, my jaw clenched so hard it felt like it could crack. “I don’t like it…when someone gets close to her.”

If I could lock her away from the world, hide her where nothing could reach her, if she wouldn’t hate me for it…I would’ve done it already.

“And am I fucking someone?” he snapped, trying to shove sense into me by force.

I stared at him through my blurry vision. Holy crap, I was seeing two of him, and one was already more than enough to ruin my day. The earlier burn surged through me again, then slipped sideways, dulled, as if my body had finally decided to stop informing me of its own damage.

Fuck. I was going to drop unconscious again, and if I did, I needed to know she’d be safe, away from this madness.

“Do you still love Lilly?” I asked him.

His eyebrows pulled closer, “What the…what the hell does that have to do with anything?”

“Just answer me.”

His jaw clenched. “Yeah,” he snapped, frustrated. “Yeah, I fucking do, now will you stop being a headache and give her to me so we can deal with your wound?”

I held his gaze for a beat, then nodded my head, “Okay, you’re telling the…truth.”

My arms loosened, barely, but just enough for him to slide one arm under her back and the other under her knees, lifting her like she weighed nothing.

The moment he had her, my hand clamped around his forearm.

“Be careful,” I rasped, my eyes focused on my princess’s peaceful face, “She’s…she’s everything to me.” The pain must’ve drugged me stupid, because why the fuck was I saying this out loud?

Christian’s expression softened in a way that made me want to punch him for witnessing this.

He nodded once, quietly. “Of course,” he murmured before he turned and carefully carried her upstairs.

I pressed my palm to the floor and tried to haul myself up. Every nerve in me screamed. Blood smeared the tiles, the counter edge, the handles…everywhere my fingers clawed for balance. I forced my legs to remember their job and dragged myself upright anyway.

The whole world swayed.

I caught the wall with my shoulder, my palm flattening against it as I moved, one painful step at a time. I looked down at myself, my shirt, white half an hour ago, was a crime scene now, red-soaked through, sticking to my injured skin.

I almost smiled, fucking proud of my princess. At least now I know, if someone dared to hurt her, she’d hurt them back. Good.

I stumbled across the room and collapsed onto the couch with a groan, the cushions swallowing me. I tried to force my vision to focus, tried to breathe like a normal person, but kept failing.

The world pulsed in and out, every edge softening. My heartbeat sounded too fucking loud in my ears.

Then I felt something small and warm, something furry brush against my leg.

My hazy gaze flickered down.

Luna rubbed herself against my thigh, her little pink nose wiggling as she sniffed at my blood-stained shirt, investigating the situation like a tiny grey detective. She let out a low meow, like she was scolding me for getting hurt.

“Yeah,” I rasped, my voice barely there. “I know, my bad.”

She meowed again, insistent, and pressed her head harder into me, demanding contact.

My mouth twitched as I stared at her through hooded eyes. I lifted my hand heavily and brushed the top of her head, softly stroking it.

She snuggled into my touch, headbutting my hand, purring louder…and that was the last thing I remembered before everything went black again.

⊹˚₊‧────────────‧₊˚⊹

It felt like I’d been asleep for hours, my head so heavy and throbbing, but…the burn at my abdomen was…gone? Oh yeah, it was gone indeed. Which meant one of two things. I was either dead or high on whatever medication was injected into me.

Judging by the way my thoughts were drifting like lazy smoke, and the way it genuinely felt like I was floating? I am high, for sure. Hmm. Nice.

I pried my eyelids open.

They immediately betrayed me and fell shut again.

Damn.

I forced them open a second time, and the room looked tilted, like the world was leaning, or maybe…I was. I was still on the couch, I think, but my head was resting against something, a cushion, I assumed. A very comfy cushion, might I add. I hummed and snuggled closer into it.

My eyelids sank again, way too drained.

No, come on. I whined internally.

I needed to open them, get up, and go look for my princess, check if she was still sleeping or not.

My eyes cracked open again, stubborn this time, but everything was blurry. I blinked, once, twice, and the blurriness started to take shape.

Christian was moving around, doing something. It seemed that everything was back to its right place and correct order, cleaner. I couldn’t see blood anywhere. My gaze fell to the clean black t-shirt over my body, gone the red-soaked fabric.

I tried to move and realised I didn’t want to. I snuggled against the comfy cushion deeper…it even smelled good, and familiar, and I couldn’t get myself to budge, not an inch.

Christian paused when his eyes fell on mine, “Well, look who’s awake,” He commented, his eyebrow raising mockingly. He seemed to have changed from his previous attire into more comfy clothes. Fuck, he is going to stay over now…isn’t he? Why did I call him? Damn it. I probably did not think this one through.

“Where is Aylin?” I managed to say, but my voice came out scraped raw.

“Still fast asleep,” He said. “I checked on her a bit ago.”

My chest loosened a fraction.

I closed my eyes again, if I could just sleep for a little bit more—

“Are you going to tell me what happened?” He asked, being a persistent prick and dragging me from my heavenly sleep.

I groaned, “Shush,” I mumbled, waving him off lazily.

“Did…she hurt you?” he checked again.

“None of your business,” I muttered.

“You called me,” He stated, “I got you a doctor that stitched you up, and I just happened to clean the massacre you’ve left behind, so yeah, it is kind of my business.”

“You’re such a prick, shut up and let me sleep—”

“Do you mind doing that somewhere else?”

The voice that said that wasn’t Christian’s. No, it was deeper, and it came from somewhere disturbingly close, almost from…under my face?

I frowned, sluggishly suspicious.

Then the fog in my brain cleared just enough for reality to punch me in the mouth as that voice registered in my head.

I pushed up too fast, yanking my body away like I’d been electrocuted. What the— My eyes landed on Nikolas, sitting right next to me, probably the cushion I’ve been leaning on and snuggling into. Fucking hell.

“Where the hell did you come from?” I asked, stunned, staring at him as if he’d materialized out of thin air, “Why…why the fuck are you here?”

“Well, you weren’t complaining when you were using me as your pillow for the past two hours,” He said, his eyebrow raising in that infuriating way of his.

I snapped my head toward Christian, glaring, ready to bury the insolent twat alive, “Why did you fucking call him?” I grumbled, “Why do you always fucking call him whenever something happens…he isn’t our father for fuck’s sake!”

Christian’s lips twitched, ever pleased with himself, and he shrugged, “Not my father, that’s for sure,” He said, “But he sure acts like your father figure.”

“Chris, shut up,” Nikolas said with a bored sigh, turning his annoyed gaze to him, “or you’ll be punched.”

Christian rolled his eyes and muttered under his breath, “You two sure share the same issues.”

Nikolas kept glaring at the prick. I narrowed my eyes too, already planning ways to fuck with him later on.

Christian sighed like we were the exhausting ones. “No, seriously,” he said, nodding forward at Nikolas, “I could’ve sworn I just saw you brush his hair off his forehead a couple of minutes ago.”

“I did no such thing,” Nikolas snapped. “I was pushing his face away because he was drooling all over me.”

I turned toward Nikolas, affronted. “I don’t drool,” I bit out. “Besides—”

My sentence died in my throat because my gaze dropped to his lap, and there curled into a tiny grey ball was…Luna, fast asleep and fully relaxed.

“What the—” I lunged forward and scooped her up, disturbing her precious nap.

Her eyes blinked open, ever so sleepy and offended as she stretched her little body.

“We don’t fraternize with the enemy,” I scolded her, “I’m raising you better than that.”

I settled her against my shoulder, then looked back at Nikolas with pure betrayal and annoyance in my eyes, “I hate you.”

“Not more than I do,” He answered in that famous detached tone of his.

Asshole.

I looked between the two nuisances, “You two, leave my house,” I shot out as I pushed to my feet.

Big mistake.

Fuck. The room swayed. The burn I’d been pretending wasn’t real surged back the second I stood upright, and it took everything in me not to fold right back onto the couch.

I swallowed the groan because I have a reputation to maintain.

Then I started toward the stairs anyway, stubbornness dragging me forward, fighting through the pain and the dizziness.

My hand found the railing. I gripped it hard, closed my eyes, breathed in and out through my nose, and waited for the universe to stop spinning long enough for me to pretend I wasn’t one bad step away from falling to the floor.

Gravity was working overtime, trying to humble me.

Just then, a hand clasped my arm, hard and anchoring, sliding behind my back, and steadying me.

“Be careful,” Nikolas shot out, the fucker scolding me, “The knife didn’t hit any vital organ, but your wound is still very deep.”

I blinked through the blur and turned my head slightly, my voice dropping. “Don’t touch me.”

It came out slightly pathetic, not convincing in the slightest.

“Tell me what happened,” he pressed, because he lives for making me miserable. “I highly doubt someone broke in and stabbed you.” His gaze flicked all over my face, “How did it happen? Why did she do it?”

“She didn’t do anything,” I grumbled.

His brow lifted. “So what, you stabbed yourself?”

I nodded, “Exactly that,” wouldn’t be the first time either.

“There’s a newly stitched wound too,” he added. “The doctor noticed it. How did that one happen?”

I smiled, “Also me, guilty.”

His jaw ticked, “I knew you were suicidal, but not this much,” he shot out mockingly, not satisfied with any of my answers. “I didn’t go through the trouble of getting you a new lung and keeping you alive for you to start treating your body like a test subject.”

“Aww, don’t worry, I won’t come asking you for a kidney,” I winked, because pressing his buttons is the only sport I’m still physically capable of, “God forbid. I know you only have one,” I added, smiling warmly, “Courtesy of yours truly.”

His fingers dug in. “Nathan,” he grated in warning, the muscles of his jaw ticking.

I sighed, “It’s nothing, really, it’s just a…sex thing, but you’re too boring, so you wouldn’t get it,” I added, infuriating him more.

I pushed against his hold because I do not enjoy being handled like I’m fragile.

“I could indulge you in further details if you are interested in my sex life as well,” I murmured, leaning just enough to be insufferable, “since you’re so invested in everything else I do.”

Nikolas inhaled slowly through his nose, the universal sign for I regret ever saving you.

He didn’t take the bait and acted like the bigger, more mature person. His eyes flicked behind me, “Help him,” he ordered.

Christian’s arm came around my back then, forcefully hauling me up, “And keep an eye on him,” Nikolas added, like I was this inconvenience he was forced to look after.

If I weren’t injured and drained, I would’ve planted my fist in his face just for that tone.

Christian’s other hand drifted toward my shoulder, aiming for Luna, as if to push her off my shoulder, “Let go of the fucking cat,” He shot out.

I slapped his hand away instantly. “Hey!”

“Don’t touch my cat, you prick,” I snapped, tightening my hold as Luna blinked sleepily against my neck, “and don’t say fucking cat. Her name is Luna, she’s a baby, and she’s sensitive.” I stroked her head once, very gently. “Measure your fucking words.”

Christian let out a long, suffering sigh. “Twenty years and I still don’t get you,” he grumbled as he shoved the door open, cursing under his breath, “Twenty fucking years…“

“Shoo away,” I said, stepping in and waving him off like he was a stray. “Go be annoying somewhere else.”

He didn’t move fast enough, so I narrowed my eyes.

“I have a feeling you’ll try to stay the night even though you’re not welcome,” I warned, “But if you so much as breathe a word to Aylin tomorrow about any of this—”

Christian’s brow lifted.

My glare sharpened.

“—I will kill you,” I finished pleasantly. “For real this time.”

I slammed the door in his face and locked it.

Silence.

Finally.

Luna leapt off my shoulder, padded across the room, and climbed onto the bed. She went straight to Aylin, sniffed her once, then curled near her arms like she’d been assigned guard duty.

I smiled. Smart little one.

My princess was fast asleep still, no twitch, no frown, nothing on her beautiful face. Just that unnervingly still, too-deep kind of sleep that isn’t normal sleep at all.

The sedative might’ve helped, sure.

But I’d seen this before.

Her brain does this sometimes, pulls a curtain down, and drops her into something coma-like the moment reality gets too sharp, almost like it would rather shut the whole system off than let her feel what she can’t survive.

I sat on the edge of the bed and let my gaze travel over her face before I lifted my hand and brushed her hair away from her cheek, my fingertips grazing her soft warm skin. God, I finally breathed without the burn.

This girl of mine was a paradox, and they dare call me the complicated one.

I was starting to notice the pattern, though—the way her mind protects her by erasing what hurts, deleting the inconvenient moments like it has quiet escape routes built into it.

Just like that one time when her grandfather accidentally punched her, like when she jumped off my balcony and ran away, like when she confessed the cursed L-word. She erased those moments too quickly, and something tells me she’ll forget about this incident, too.

I stared at her for too long, my thumb brushing once over her cheekbone.

So if her mind is this ruthless about protecting her now…what the hell did it have to protect her from back then?

My eyes dropped to her sweater, to my blood, how it had smeared across the fabric, dried in ugly patches, and her hands…her hands were stained too.

No. I needed to get rid of all the proof. If she woke up not remembering any of this, I didn’t want a single thing to drag the memories back to the surface.

Thankful for how deeply she was out, I moved carefully, gentle with her, brutal with myself. I shifted her, peeled the sweater off inch by inch, and slipped her into one of her pajamas.

It took me longer than usual because every movement lit up my stitched wound, the pain flaring hot, but I swallowed it down and kept going.

When I was done, I grabbed a warm cloth and wiped her hands with slow strokes, cleaning under her nails, over her knuckles, erasing the night from over her skin.

Luna stayed close the whole time, curled near Aylin’s arm, watching with those wide, unreadable eyes, offering emotional support in the form of soothing purrs.

When I was finally done, I crashed on the bed beside her, too drained to even pretend I had control over my own body anymore. I nudged Luna away first, because my princess would have a heart attack the second she woke up and found the poor cat curled in her arms.

Then I moved closer, wrapped my arm around Aylin, and pulled her against me, a groan slipping out before I could stop it.

I wanted to stay awake, watch over her, keep the world from touching her again, but it was impossible. The pain, the medication, the heaviness in my limbs…it all dragged me under faster than it should’ve.

Hours later, I was yanked out of sleep by the shift of someone in my arms.

Instinct hit first.

My eyes snapped open, my heart already sprinting, last night’s memories slamming into me in one brutal rush.

Aylin was sitting up, her shoulders trembling, a small, broken sound caught in her throat. She sniffled quietly, her fist rubbing at her eyes like a scared kid trying to scrub a nightmare off her skin.

Fuck.

Fuck, fuck, fuck—

I pushed myself upright, reached for the switch, and turned on the light.

My gaze fell on her again. “Aylin…hey,” I whispered, edging closer.

She turned to me, her eyes were red, puffy, and wrecked, the tears clinging to her lashes.

I lifted my hand to her face, my thumb brushing her cheek. “What’s wrong?” I asked, already terrified of the answer.

“I had a very…very bad dream,” she whispered.

Air finally made it into my lungs. She doesn’t remember.

“Okay,” I murmured, keeping my voice steady, “Tell me…what did you see?”

She rubbed at her eye again, “That I…” Her voice cracked. She looked at me brokenly, and her face twisted in pain, “That I hurt…you.”

Something cold slid straight down my spine.

I wrapped my arm around her back immediately, pulling her closer, shielding her from the thought. “Hey,” I murmured into her hair. “You could never hurt me.”

Was I lying to her? Sure, but it was necessary.

“It was just a dream,” I added soothingly.

She sagged into me, burying her face in my chest, sniffling softly, her breath heavy and hitched, trying to outrun something that lived inside her. I tightened my hold around her, my jaw clenched because the movement tugged at my wound, and pain flared, but I didn’t let her feel me flinch.

“It was so…so scary,” she whispered.

“It’s okay,” I said, cradling the back of her head. “It’s okay, it was just a dream. I’m right here.”

For a few seconds, she just breathed into me. When she pulled back slowly, her eyes searched my face like she was looking for a crack in it, for proof, for the truth I was hiding.

“Did I…did I blank out last night?” She whispered, so uncertain and lost, “I don’t…” She shook her head, sniffling, “I don’t remember a thing after Christian left.”

I nodded my head, not sure what else to say.

The lines between her brows tightened in worry and fear, “Did I…did I say something? or…do something?”

Oh, fuck.

I shook my head, brought both hands to cup her face, “No, no, you didn’t,” I assured her, “You just…went quiet, you stayed like that until you fell asleep, and I brought you here.”

My words were meant to soothe her.

They didn’t.

She hiccupped a low sob, her eyes squeezed shut, tears spilling over anyway, like her mind wasn’t giving her the memory, but her body was still carrying the bruise of it.

“Hey,” I murmured, wiping the tears that kept coming. “Hey, princess, look at me.”

“Why does it hurt so bad?” she whispered in between tears, “It…hurts so…so bad.”

“Where does it hurt?” I asked softly, because I needed something I could fix, something I could fucking name, something I could sink my teeth into and kill.

Her hand pressed to her chest, her fingers curling into her top like she was trying to hold herself together. “Here,” she whispered, then her palm slid up, shaking, and pressed against her temple. “And…and here.”

I leaned closer and pressed a kiss to her temple. I kissed the corner of her eye, down her cheek. I tasted the salt of her tears and wanted to fucking burn the world for making her spill them.

“It’ll stop hurting, I promise,” I murmured, kissing the corner of her lips, as if I could breathe the pain out of her. Fuck, I will not stop till I get all of this pain out of her.

I held her face in my hands, my thumbs wiping at the wetness, “The results will come out soon, and we’ll figure it all out…whatever it is, we’ll make it better, together, okay?”

My other hand slipped from her cheek, cupping her neck, stroking her pulse as I gazed at her eyes, “I’d do anything to make you feel better, you know that, right?” I mumbled, needing her to know that there wasn’t a line I wouldn’t cross to fix this.

She nodded, then pushed herself back into my arms. I shut my eyes for a second, powered through the tug in my stitches, and wrapped her tighter anyway. Her hand curled into the collar of my t-shirt, holding onto me. “I’m sorry,” she whispered against my neck, her voice small enough to ruin me, “for…being like this.”

I went still.

Then I pulled back just enough to look at her. “Never say that again,” I said, my voice involuntarily roughening.

I dipped my head and pressed a kiss to her temple. “You have nothing to apologise for,” I murmured into her skin. “You’re just perfect the way you are.”

My eyebrow raised, and I purposely turned my tone lighter, “You’re my only princess after all, right?”

She sniffled and nodded her head. She looked up at me, all red eyes and fragile courage, and it made something in my chest go tight and ugly. God, she looked so…breakable, not weak. Just precious in a way that made me want to kill the universe preemptively.

So I did what I always do when I’m terrified.

I got insufferable.

“I mean, take me for example,” I added, more playful, “Do you ever hear me apologise for being a menace? No, never, not even at gunpoint.” I clicked my tongue, “I wear it like a badge of honor.”

Her lips trembled into a half-almost smile. With her hand still fisted in my collar, her thumb brushed my collarbone absentmindedly.

“Can I say something?” she whispered.

I nodded, “Anything.”

She swallowed, her eyes dropping to where her fingers hovered near my chest. “Remember how I told you it never happens when I’m in a crowd?” Her voice wobbled. “It doesn’t. It’s only when I’m alone…or with my family, and a few times with Lilly, back when we were so close.”

She looked back up at me.

“And around you.”

For once, I hated being the fucking exception. I want to be a lot of things to her, but not…her trigger.

“It never, never, happened around anyone else.” Her lips parted, hesitating on the next name, “Not even…not even with Chase.”

Something cold flickered in me, but I stayed silent for once and allowed her to speak.

“I think…I know why,” She whispered, “When I’m with you, I let go of everything. I lose all my control. When I am with you, my brain doesn’t feel the need to…protect me the way it does with everyone else.” Every word pushed the knife deeper into my heart, “It trusts you…I do, I really trust you.”

Her lashes clung wetly, and she looked at me like she was terrified she’d just handed me the one thing that could ruin her.

“So please, Nathan…” She muttered. “Don’t break this trust.”

Fuck.

If she trusts me like this…

Then, I don’t get to keep her dear mother in a cage.

⊹˚₊‧────────────‧₊˚⊹

I’m a light sleeper, usually.

One sound out of place, one breath that doesn’t belong, and I’m up, ready to cause enough mayhem to satisfy my homicidal tendencies.

That wasn’t the case today.

Apparently, my body decided to betray me and indulge in something annoying like rest.

The only thing that dragged me out of my deep slumber was something soft brushing my cheek.

A low groan rumbled from my chest as I blinked my eyes open, my vision still hazy, my brain still half-offline.

Aylin froze near me, and her eyes widened, guilt written all over that pretty face. “Oh my god,” she whispered, biting her lip. “Did I wake you?”

I nodded once, then reached sluggishly for her arm—because she looked like she was about to retreat—and tugged her right back into my space. If she wanted to be so fucking adorable, she could do it closer.

“Were you kissing me in my sleep?” I squinted up at her. “Should I be worried you groped me while I was out?”

She let out a quiet laugh and slapped my shoulder lightly. “No, you just looked so cute, I had to kiss you.”

“I am not cute.”

“You’re the cutest.”

I groaned and buried my face into the pillow. It smelled like her, jasmine and something warm and addictive, like heaven had a scent and she’d stolen it. Hmm.

I wanted to pull myself up, but why was I so fucking drained?

I shifted, and a dull flare sparked under my ribs, enough to remind me I’d been stabbed. Twice, technically. My personal hobbies were getting out of hand.

I cracked my eyes open and gazed at my beautiful girl. 

She looked more put together now, like she’d showered, fixed her hair, and placed some of that makeup thingy that made her look even more beautiful, as if that was even an option.

My gaze drifted to her clothes, and I groaned in realization. “What time is it?”

“Ten-thirty,” She muttered, checking her watch, “I should leave in a bit.”

Fuck, no.

Why did I sleep this much…

“When are you coming back?”

She brought her hand and brushed her fingers over my cheek, a frown between her brows, her touch so gentle and careful, which was offensive, and also…nice.

“Tomorrow night.”

“That’s too much.” I should start the mission of getting her to quit this job already.

“It’ll be late when I come back, so I think I should just go to my place, and then—”

“Like hell,” I cut in. “You’ll come back here. I’ll even pick you up.”

“Nathan,” She whined in that sexy voice…fuck, not the ideal situation to get hard now, “We’re practically living together at this rate. You never let me go to my place.”

“Then let’s live together,” I said casually, “I don’t want you entertaining the idea of spending your nights anywhere that isn’t next to me.”

She narrowed her eyes at me, “This is not how we are going to discuss this,” She muttered and was already backing away.

“No,” I whined, caught her wrist, and tugged her back. “Come back here.”

She paused, her gaze warily flickering all over my face. The lines between her brows tightened, and she reached up again, her fingertips brushing my cheek carefully, “Do you feel okay?” she asked, suddenly serious.

I nodded.

“Are you sure?” she whispered, brushing my hair off my forehead. Her eyes scanned me, searching for something, “Your face is pale…is your lung hurting again? Do you feel anything bad?” The worry was eating the green out of her eyes. “I can take the day off. We can go to the doctor—”

I felt the smile trying to betray me.

So I did the only responsible thing.

I covered it up and pretended to cough, “Yeah,” I rasped with another fake cough. “Everywhere hurts,” I slumped back into the pillow, “I’m dying. Don’t leave me or I’ll perish—”

She punched my shoulder hard…fucking hell, all the gentleness from before was gone in a second.

“Don’t be an asshole, I’m serious. You never sleep past me,” She pointed out, her eyes caressing my face, like she could find the wound she’d carved into me if she looked long enough.

I caught her hand, brought her knuckles to my mouth, and kissed them slowly. “I am fine, just annoyed that you are going to leave me alone till tomorrow night,” My eyebrow raised, “I might misbehave and…I don’t know,” I shrugged. “Maybe kill someone.”

“Nathan!”

“God,” I nearly moaned at that beautiful sound, “You’ve got time for a quickie before you go?”

She yanked her hand back and glared at me. “No.”

“You are so mean,” I mumbled, fully prepared to sulk when my eyes flickered to Luna, who was curled up next to me, fast asleep, and totally unbothered by us, “Luna and I will miss you,” I said, “so much.”

Aylin’s gaze dropped to the cat, and her lips twitched. “God. She’s only cute when she’s fast asleep,” she muttered, then looked back at me. Her voice softened. “I’ll miss you too. But take care of yourself, okay?” She checked again, like she didn’t trust my self-preservation. “If anything happens, call me.”

I nodded, watching her straighten her shirt and fix the collar like she wasn’t about to walk out and take all of my oxygen with her.

Her brows suddenly scrunched. “I think I saw Christian’s suitcase downstairs…didn’t he leave?”

“His flight got…delayed,” I muttered, “He came back after you fell asleep.”

“Oh,” She mumbled, “tell him I said hi.”

“No, I won’t.”

She rolled her eyes, grabbed her things, and turned to go.

“Hey, come give me a kiss before you leave,” I shot out, totally offended.

She sighed dramatically and walked back anyway. She leaned in to peck my lips like a polite little goodbye.

I don’t do polite.

My hand curled over the back of her neck and pulled her closer. She yelped into my mouth, and I kissed her properly, slow, hungry, the kind that leaves fingerprints on the soul. I bit her lower lip, tasted that sweet, fuckable mouth until her breath stuttered and her hands fisted my shirt like she’d forgotten how to leave.

When she finally pulled back, her lips were swollen and so damn tempting. “Take care,” she murmured, brushing my cheek once. “Okay? Don’t worry me.”

I smiled back and nodded, “Okay, now leave before I tie you to this bed again and never let you go.”

With an edible smile, she turned and walked away.

Once she was out, my eyes flickered all around, searching for my phone. When I couldn’t find it, I opened the drawer and pulled out my work phone. I powered it on, unlocked it, pressed dial, and held it to my ear.

When Adam answered, I was quick, “Aylin just left my house, keep a close eye on her, even if you have to get on the same plane, I don’t care, just don’t let her see you,” I ordered.

“Okay,” he replied, instantly. “On it.”

I hung up and put the phone away.

Even if it doesn’t happen in a crowd as she said…I witnessed a glimpse last night of how she could hurt herself, and I won’t fucking risk it again.

I took a shower afterward to get some of my energy back, swallowed a couple of painkillers, and Christian invaded my space, demanding answers, so I let him in on a few, not every little detail, but in general, about Aylin’s condition and her family.

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you don’t want me to leave,” Christian commented as I walked with him into the airport.

I rolled my eyes, “More like I need to witness the plane take you the fuck away from here, so I can finally rest.”

“Yeah, sure,” He said sarcastically.

I shoved him away, “Go check in your suitcase so we can have a cup of coffee somewhere around here, before I send you off for good.”

He wandered off, and I leaned against the nearest wall, all casual and not because the whole place tilted the second I stood still.

The truth was, I needed to be out of the house, so I used this as an excuse. If I stayed alone with the pain, it would win, and I’d do something humiliating like…rest.

I pulled out my phone and checked the tracker I’d installed on Aylin’s device after she vanished that one night.

Don’t judge me.

The location wasn’t exact while she was mid-flight, but I could see the general route, halfway to her next destination.

Adam kept updating me, too, and that lowered my worry level by a notch.

“Nathan? What are you doing here?” Lilly’s voice yanked me out of my head.

Oh, shit.

I lifted my gaze, and there she was, dragging a small suitcase beside her, a neck pillow already strapped on over her shoulders.

I straightened up quickly, “What are you doing here?”

“I am meeting Chase, we’re going back,” she said with a pout. “Vacation is over,” She sighed dramatically, then eyed me. “What about you? You going somewhere?”

I shook my head, my eyes sweeping for Christian. When I couldn’t spot him, my patience evaporated.

I stepped in, planted my hands on Lilly’s shoulders, and turned her around. “I need you to go away, quickly, like right this instant.”

Her brows snapped together, and she shoved at my hold. “What the…leave me! Why are you kicking me away?”

“Come on,” I urged, pushing her still, “I’m relocating you, for the sake of everyone’s mental health, come on, go, disappear.”

“Nathan!” she snapped, her irritation rising. “Stop being so annoying. What’s wro—”

“I’m all done. You wanna go?”

Christian’s voice cut right through the air, and I watched as Lilly froze. Her eyes widened in real time, her gaze locking onto him, then flicking back to me as the obvious finally punched her in the face.

“Oh,” she whispered to me.

Fucking oh, indeed.

Christian slowed, stopping short when he realised I wasn’t alone like when he’d left me

You see, I like Lilly, sure, I care about her…in the limited, defective way I’m capable of, but when I recall all that she made my friend go through, I feel like I might go back into killing her. I mean, yeah, he wasn’t all innocent either, but if it came to choosing sides, I am sure as hell choosing his.

Lilly’s throat bobbed, and she forced on a smile, as if to make the best of a worst situation, then lifted her hand in an awkward little wave, “Uh, hey.”

The muscle in Christian’s jaw ticked, and he nodded once, his expression not very welcoming, “Hey.”

I watched them for a second and felt something annoyingly protective bloom in my chest.

Fuck, why do I suddenly have this urge to wrap him up and drag him home with me? Aylin is infecting me with some nauseating domestic virus. I need an antidote, immediately.

“I should, uh…go,” Lilly mumbled, nervously tugging at the ends of her neck pillow. Her eyes flicked to me. “I’ll…see you later.”

I nodded once, my jaw ticking, and made a subtle shooing motion with my hand.

She did that awkward wave again, muttered a small “Bye,” and dragged her suitcase away.

“Let’s go,” Christian said, keeping his voice steady and unaffected.

I fell into step beside him, walking in the opposite direction of Lilly’s, but beneath that façade? Please, I read him like an open book. Twenty years of knowing someone does that to you. I caught the little details, the way his jaw was locked, the faint red creeping up his neck, the way his hand kept clenching and unclenching on the side.

I was one breath away from turning around and bashing Lilly’s head into the nearest wall, and then burying her dear boyfriend ten feet under just for existing.

I exhaled through my nose and shook my head, forcing the violence back into its cage.

I threw my arm around Christian’s shoulder and yanked him into a headlock, “I will find you someone else, I promise,” I said, “Even much better than her, and there is lot of those around.”

He let out a short chuckle at my antics and shoved me off. “Shut up.”

I grinned. “That’s not a no.”

Mission get Christian a girlfriend: Initiated.

⊹˚₊‧────────────‧₊˚⊹

After Aylin’s words last night, I knew I’d have to do one of the things I hated, which is sacrifice my one leverage and let her mother go free.

Then crawl back to my princess and admit I’ve been…slightly misbehaving, and pray she forgives me before she stabs me again.

So yeah, I came back here with that purpose, but I’m still me, which means I had to test my luck one last time.

Layla didn’t even glance my way when I walked in. She barely moved at all, her head pressed to the wall, her eyes fixed on nothing, lost in her thoughts.

Adam had bandaged the mess I made on her head. It wasn’t anything serious. Just…evidence that I get a bit passionate when I’m annoyed, so I shouldn’t feel that guilty.

The tray of food sat untouched beside her, and the glass of water was still full.

God, she was stubborn.

I dragged a chair to the middle of the room. The legs screeched against the floor, loudly echoing in the hollow chamber.

“You’re not eating,” I pointed out the obvious as I sat down.

She didn’t react, barely even blinked.

I inhaled slowly through my nose because patience is a skill that I’m still learning, allegedly.

“I am not going to beat around the bush,” I went straight in, “I am going to ask you, one last time, to help me, so I can help her.”

Her jaw clenched, but she still refused to face me.

I leaned forward, my elbows pressing into my thighs, “I am doing all of this only for her, because despite what you believe in, the thing that made you call her abnormal all those years, isn’t just psychological, there is something physically wrong with her health, and I am going to figure it out, and help her fix it in any way I can, so maybe you can be a mother for once and help her too.”

My words had her turn her head, her eyes falling into mine, a flash of uncertainty, of confusion, and something that resembled worry flickered before she hid it too well. Good, at least she is human.

“I don’t know what your mother did to you,” I continued, “But I can guess it wasn’t warm and nurturing, so maybe you don’t know how to be a mother because you never had one worth copying.”

That got a flicker, like I’d hit the right nerve under the scar.

“But now, I am offering you a chance to fix that,” I added, “She is your only daughter, help her.”

Something in her face cracked, and her eyes glazed over. The tears welled up, but she blinked them away instantly, like emotion was a weakness she’d been trained to punish.

I watched her do it, and my jaw clenched harder.

“Someone is after her,” I started to say, but she shook her head, refusing the thought, “No one is after her.”

“How could you possibly be so sure?” I asked, heat creeping into my voice. “Did you see the notes this sick fuck’s been slipping her for a year? Threatening her, taunting her, and picking at her head.”

That finally landed.

Her eyes snapped back to mine, and the line between her brows carved deep. “What?”

“Someone has been sending her threatening notes,” I repeated, letting every word hit. “And whoever it is…it’s tied to that day.”

Her mouth parted, “No,” she whispered, shaking her head again. “No—no way.”

“You can’t be sure.”

“Yes, I can!” she snapped, voice breaking through her numbness. “I told you, no one hurt her back then.”

“Then fucking tell me what happened!” I shot out, standing up so fast the chair screeched back.

She flinched, but she didn’t look scared.

“No,” she said, shaking her head hard. “No, I don’t trust you.” Her eyes flicked around the room like the walls were going to testify on her behalf, “and you can understand why,” she added with a scoff.

My jaw ticked, and I looked away, shut my eyes, and breathed through my nose, praying for patience so I wouldn’t cause something fatal this time.

When I opened my eyes again, I turned back to her.

“Then give me something that could help me now,” I said flatly, focusing on the more important part, “I need your mother’s medical record and Aylin’s…the ones you made sure to wipe clear,” I added, “They could help with her diagnosis.”

Her throat bobbed, her eyes flickering over me as she seemed to think this one through.

Silence dragged.

Then, finally, she spoke, “Do you have my laptop?”

My eyebrows pulled closer, and I nodded.

“Bring it,” She said, “I’ll tell you where to find them.”

Taken aback didn’t even begin to cover it.

My brain immediately started drafting a hundred different ways this could be a trap, including one where she somehow weaponised the innocent machine. But…yeah. It wasn’t.

I brought the laptop and powered it on. She guided me through folders with clipped instructions, drive, subfolder, another subfolder, until I found the two files.

One with Aylin’s name.

And another with…her grandma’s.

My hand stalled on the mousepad.

Eleanor Riley Langford.

I read it, over and over and over again, like the letters might rearrange themselves into something that made sense.

Slowly, I lifted my eyes to Layla. “Riley?”

Her throat bobbed, her eyes flickering down to the floor as she fidgeted with her fingers, “It was my mother’s middle name,” she said quietly.

This…doesn’t make sense.

No, it fucking doesn’t.

My jaw tightened, “This doesn’t make any sense,” I said, trying to pave my way out and failing, “So, tell me, what are you hiding, Layla?”

Her eyes flickered up to mine for half a second, just long enough for something old and ugly to flash there, then she looked away again.

“Every medical record you want is in those files,” she said, careful not to answer the question I actually asked.

Yeah. She was hiding something indeed.

But fine, I’ll let it sit for now. It was a topic for another day.

I opened the documents anyway, scrolling through pages and lab results and dates, forcing my focus to stay on this while my mind kept snagging on that name like a hook in flesh.

Riley.

Riley.

Riley.

When I was done, I shut the laptop with more force than necessary and stood. “There’s a car outside,” I said. “It’ll take you home.”

Layla blinked, ever so stunned. Her eyes dragged over me like she was waiting for the punchline.

She rose slowly, testing the air between us as she moved toward the door. I clamped my hand over her arm, momentarily stopping her.

My mouth brushed close to her ear as my voice dropped into something lethal. “If I find out you, or your father, had anything to do with this…” I said, “If I find out you’ve hurt her in any way. If you’ve ever touched the thing inside her life that keeps trying to swallow her…”

My grip tightened a fraction.

“I will kill you both,” Even if it meant losing Aylin over it.

I let her go, harsh enough that she stumbled.

Layla turned back, lifted her chin, and held my gaze, hard and undefeated, like she’d survived worse than me. I hated that I respected her resiliency.

“What made you change your mind?” I nodded toward the laptop.

Her eyes flickered to it, “If I can help my little girl, I will,” She said, and well, she sounded honest, “If I can finally help her have the normal life she deserves,” then her gaze snapped back to mine, sharp as a warning, “I will.”

She stepped closer, “But that life,” she added, “doesn’t include you.”

So yeah, it’s war from now on.

⊹˚₊‧───────────────‧₊˚⊹

Author’s Note:

Hello 🙂

Anyone else started this year sick like me, cuz it sucks ugh >(ভ⤙ ভ “)<

Anyway, I hope you liked the chapter!

Also, what do you think Aylin is going to do when she learns that Nathan was holding her mother captive? xD

See ya soon 🩶