Chapter 24

“She was my muse once,
a living metaphor,
a heartbeat I kept trying to turn into scripture.
But now she is something more,
a masterpiece unspooling thread by thread,
painting her grief
across the inside of my ribs.“

Nathan’s POV

I hate people, in general.

They’re loud, touchy, and full of bad intentions. They breathe too close, talk too much, and exist far longer than they should. They’re overrated.

Since I was young, crowds have always given me the creeps, and small talk usually gets me all homicidal. Really, I wasn’t built for chit-chat, polite smiles, or any of that social-rules crap. I was built for better things, like violence, intricate revenge plots, and sexual fulfillment.

There is, however, a very short list of people that I tolerate and could co-exist with.

Top of that list: my princess, of course.

She’s the exception that ruins every rule. Being near her is like reaching forbidden levels of pleasure, a sacrilegious, euphoric climax that rearranges the organs. She smells like jasmine, like vanilla, and trouble, and somehow makes my chest do things it has no business doing.

Next is Christian, because he’s been around long enough to have earned immunity. We’re opposites in every way; he talks people off ledges while  I invent new ways to push them, yet somehow, we balance each other out. He is what they refer to as…uhm, my emotional support animal? Yeah, something like that.

Then comes Maria, a small, glittery, and unreasonably adorable thing. She is cute and safe. Kids are uncomplicated, I like that about them. They break and then glue back together easily. They’re simple. They say what’s on their minds without filters, and I relate to that.

Last, and yes, this one still confuses the shit out of me, Lilly. It is ridiculous and confusing, because I used to want to kill her just for fun. I don’t know, but something shifted the day that bullet went through her, and I realized…I hadn’t wanted her to die, really, which is not a feeling I recommend exploring.

There is Adam, too; he does everything I ask without questioning me or my methods, which is just awesome. Useful as hell.

Everyone else? Disposable. Just a background noise in my life, a fuel for my sarcasm and occasional, tasteful mayhem.

So, you can imagine my level of discomfort at being here at this party, and you can imagine how close I was to just snapping and incinerating the whole place when prince charming himself walked in.

I call him that because he does, in fact, look like a prince charming. Barf, I know.

He is boring, like him. He got that perfect, shiny, tousled hair, baby blue eyes, and a smile that is practically begging you to punch it off his face. He earned the title “charming,” since, obviously, he had charmed a couple of girls into his web, including three of whom are on my list: Lilly, Maria, and, to my eternal disgust, Aylin.

So yeah, I hate the man. Forget it, hate is too small a word for what I feel toward him.

Maria wrapped her arms so tightly around his neck, clinging to him for dear life, forgetting almost everyone else who existed at her party. Such a little traitor. She sure is her father’s daughter, after all.

Lilly was going around kissing and hugging everyone. I heard her say they came straight from the airport, so she spent her first minutes catching up with her parents, prince charming’s parents, Nikolas, Natalie, and just everyone. Chase did the same, of course, but he did it while Maria refused to detach from him, hanging on his neck like a pink, giggling, cute thing.

Jesus Christ. I’m really not liking any of this.

The urge to walk over there, pry her tiny fingers off him, and reclaim my honorary favorite-uncle title was so overwhelming I actually tasted metal in the back of my throat. I had to fight my instincts and keep myself rooted to the spot before I publicly committed a felony. Not ideal at a kid’s party, apparently.

I tried to regulate my breathing patterns and turned my head to the right, toward the girl who was still standing next to me. Aylin was already watching me, for some reason, her eyes on my face, her brows slightly drawn, clearly trying to read whatever the hell was going on in my head.

Well, too bad for her, I never let my inner thoughts slip outside, unless I want them to.

Composure and control, those were the sharpest knives in my arsenal. If I survived this long, it’s only because I mastered the art of keeping the apocalypse neatly folded behind my eyes.

And right now, all that composure was being wasted on not strangling prince charming in the middle of this damned party.

Totally unaware of my murderous thoughts, Aylin’s gaze flicked from my eyes to my cheek, her lips twitching before she reached up and brushed her fingers over my skin, as if dusting me off. “There’s glitter,” she said, chuckling like this was the funniest thing ever.

Fucking hell. I swiped a hand over my face and grumbled. “Let’s leave.”

“But we just got here.” Her brows tightened, her expression dipping into something annoyingly soft.

My eyes narrowed at her. The thoughts that ran in my head did nothing but intensify my need to strangle a certain someone. “What’s with this sudden sentimental need to stay here?”

Her smile dropped instantly, and she shot me a hard glare. “Nathan, I swear to god,” she muttered, her warm sweetness evaporating in under a second, “if you say what I think you’re about to say, I will punch you, and I really won’t care who sees it.”

Damn.

“Whoa,” I muttered, taken aback and genuinely impressed. “Where did this violent side of yours come from?” My lips curved slowly as I dragged my hand around her waist and pulled her in. “You’re getting me hard, princess, and a kid’s birthday party is the last place I should be getting hard at, so let’s leave.”

She huffed, her face blooming with irritation, and I couldn’t help myself. I dipped my head, brushing my lips against her cheek, tasting the warmth radiating off her skin.

“The whole drive here,” I murmured against her softness, “I’ve been fantasizing about taking off everything you’re wearing except for this skirt.” My hand slid from her waist to her hips, my thumb tracing the hem. “And having my way with you.”

She edged her head back, her eyes widening in warning. “Nathan,” she whispered sharply, looking around us, “don’t talk like that, people will hear.”

“Good,” I said. “Maybe they’ll finally understand why I don’t like them, because they exist in between me and what I want.” I tilted my head, my eyes dragging down her face, to her neck, where the pulse I wanted to bite was racing. “And right now, what I want is very, very specific.”

She shoved at my shoulder, trying to create distance that I refused to give. “Nathan, for once in your life, behave!“

“You won’t like me if I behave,” I muttered, utterly convinced that she is attracted to the unhinged parts of me, not whatever pathetic scraps of sanity I pretend to own.

My fingers dragged up her thighs, slipping under her skirt because I had every right to be there. She tried to wriggle out of my hold, but I tightened my grip around her hips, my fingers digging, locking her in place.

Her eyes widened, the panic blooming in her green eyes, “Let go…someone will see!”

“Let them,” I said, my voice sharpening. The feral urge to leave fingerprints on her skin burned red behind my eyes, “at least then they’ll stop thinking prince charming is the only man capable of holding your attention.”

Her glare turned lethal at my words.

“Is that what this is about?” Her jaw clenched, and yeah, she had my favorite I-will-scratch-your-face look on, “I told you I’d punch you!”

“Punch me,” I said instantly, leaning further in,  my hand teasing the thin edge of her knickers beneath that skirt. “Go on, make my evening entertaining.”

She grabbed my wrist and shoved my hand out from under her skirt, her eyes blazing, fire dancing in that secret green garden of mine. God, she looked like she wanted to strangle me. “You’re doing this just because you’re jealous of Chase?”

“I’m jealous of the air around you,” I said. “Of gravity, of any molecule that gets too close to you, so what do you think?”

I didn’t stop, I couldn’t. Feeding the fire in her eyes was the only sport I was good at. “So now imagine what I feel when Prince fucking Charming walks in and suddenly you want to stay.”

Her nostrils flared, a low groan of annoyance rumbled from her chest, and then she actually raised her fist, quickly and without any hesitation. She was genuinely about to punch me, but I caught her hand midair, my fingers wrapping around her fist before she could land the hit.

“Now, you know violence is practically foreplay for me,” I murmured, dragging her clenched hand slowly toward my mouth. I pressed a slow kiss to her knuckles. “So tell me,” I whispered against her skin, “are you trying to seduce me like this, or what?”

She forcefully tore her hand from my grip, still glaring at me, but the anger morphed, it shifted into something else, it was wounded in a way I couldn’t name.

“You can’t think like that,” she said, her voice low but strained, like she was holding the words together with sheer will. “The moment I agreed to be your girlfriend, Nathan…is the moment you should’ve known I wouldn’t ever think of any other man.”

Her jaw tightened, and I finally recognized that look.

“Just like I expect the same from you.”

She shook her head, “So you can’t keep throwing my past in my face at every chance you get,” she said sharply, stepping back.

“Anyway, you got what you wanted. I am leaving.”

She turned, ready to walk away from me, but something snapped in me so fast it stole my fucking breath. Before my mind could catch up, my hand shot out. I grabbed her arm and pulled her back toward me.

She tried to twist out of my grip, but I didn’t let her.

She refused to look at me, ever so stubbornly. Her chin dipped, her gaze locked on the floor, shutting me out.

“Aylin,” I said, my voice dropping to something softer, something not meant for the outside world.

My fingers slipped beneath her chin, coaxing, ghosting upward, trying to guide her face to mine.

She exhaled harshly, then lifted her face, and there it was, that hurt…hurt I’ve caused, apparently. I felt my chest wrench in a way I did not appreciate. Fuck, I didn’t like it. I hated it. I hated that look on her face. I hated that I put it there.

It was similar to the tears that trickled down her face the other day. It reminded me of her lost gaze when she disappeared into her head, and I couldn’t find her.

I brought my hand and gently cupped the side of her face. “I acted like an asshole, I am sorry,” I muttered, and her eyes grew a bit wide, as if taken aback. My jaw tightened, “That wanker just triggers this feeling in me, and I let it out on you, I—” I paused, my eyebrows pulling closer at the look she was giving me.

“What?” I asked.

“You apologized,” she said, incredulous.

I nodded. “Well, yeah.”

She blinked. “This is the first time you’ve apologized to me.”

“Yeah, so?” I grumbled, uncomfortable as hell. “Let’s not make a big deal out of it.”

The hurt in her eyes faded, thank fuck, replaced by confusion and something else I couldn’t categorize. My hand dropped from her face, and I cleared my throat, trying to switch the topic before she examined me some more.

Why was it so shocking that I apologized?

Okay, fine…maybe it was the first time I’d ever apologized for anything, and believe me, I’ve done far more horrific things than this, yet never once felt compelled to say sorry about those.

“Let’s just stay here till this thing ends,” I said, purposely dragging the conversation somewhere else. “And I’m not going to make another comment about that.”

Aylin narrowed her eyes at me, checking if I was actually serious. After a tense second, she nodded. “Okay,” she mumbled, her gaze drifting around the crowd.

I kept watching her, still trying to decode her unreasonable enthusiasm about being here. She was practically vibrating with excitement on the drive over, and when I invited her in the morning.

“Since we’ve established your reason isn’t…that,” I said, gripping her attention back toward me, “why do you want to stay, anyway?”

She shrugged. “It’s just…I wanted to see more of this other version of you.”

“Other version of me?” My brows dipped, offended. “I can assure you, princess, only one version of me exists. The one with charm, wit, devilishly handsome looks, and the ability to make you come like no one else ever did—or will.”

Her lips parted to speak, but I continued before she could argue.

“There are no other versions. If there were, the world would implode from sheer blessing overload,” I stated the obvious, “society can barely handle one of me.”

She shook her head, a smile finally tugging at her lips despite her best efforts. “There is,” she said softly. “I saw it. When you held that little girl…you smiled at her in a way I’ve never seen you smile before.”

“I’m always smiling,” I said flatly, already hating where this was going.

She nodded slowly. “Yeah, but that smile you usually wear? It’s the only way you know how to hide what goes on in…” She stepped closer and tapped her fingers against my temple, “…in here.”

I instantly jerked back from her touch, glaring. “So what now, you’re also psychoanalyzing me?” I grumbled. “Did you obtain a psychology degree overnight or something?”

Her brows pulled together, genuinely confused by my irritation. “What? No,” she mumbled. “It’s just, I’ve known you for a while now, and that’s what I observed.”

Then, she smiled, all maddeningly, “All I’m saying is, I like this other version of you. It shows me that you’re more than a psycho with a grey heart.”

Fucking hell.

Again.

It hit something sharp inside me, and I shot her the sharpest glare I could summon. “One day,” I muttered, “I swear I’ll cut myself open just to show you my heart is red like everyone else’s.”

She grinned, actually grinned, the audacity. She even clicked her tongue. “Nah,” she said breezily. “Still grey.”

My irritation must’ve been her personal brand of entertainment, because she tried to hide her smile and failed miserably. She chuckled softly, then slid closer, looping her arm through mine, and leaning into me as she looked around.

“Now tell me,” she murmured, scanning the room, “who are the rest of these people? I still don’t know all of them.”

I looked down at her pressed into me, all soft, relaxed, and against my will, something in me eased. She had this annoying ability to unclench my jaw without asking.

“Who’s that woman?” she asked. “Next to Ronald. Is she his wife?”

I followed her gaze, my eyes falling on Celia—that was her name, if I remembered correctly. She was scooping a spoonful of some pink jello thingy and shoving it straight into Ronald’s mouth. He grimaced at the taste, and she burst into laughter when he nearly gagged.

“Yeah, she is,” I said, watching Ronald dip his head to kiss her cheek. He said something in her ear, and her eyes widened before she choked on her jello, laughing, too.

“Do they have kids?” Aylin asked.

I shook my head. “No, they don’t.” I didn’t know the reason, and frankly, I wasn’t invested enough in Ronald’s reproductive success to ask.

“And who’s that man?” she asked, pointing toward the older man joining in on their laughter. He handed Celia a napkin, smiling and rubbing her shoulder in that easy, comforting way families usually do.

“That’s their father,” I said, “Ronald’s and Natalie’s, I mean.”

Aylin’s head snapped toward me right away, her eyes widening at the new information. I turned to her, watching her watch me, waiting for a comment I wasn’t going to entertain.

Thankfully, she didn’t ask.

She just nodded her head and looked back at the crowd, but I felt the way she leaned a little closer than before, as if to reach a part of me that didn’t exist…or maybe I’d buried it so deep even I couldn’t find it anymore.

A moment of silence stretched between us before she spoke again.

“Is that the younger Nathan?” she asked softly.

I followed her gaze and nodded.

“Yeah, that’s little Nathan,” I said, watching the kid stand in front of Chase and Maria, who was still glued to his side, little arms still tight around his neck. Patience, god, just give me patience tonight.

Little Nathan lifted the camera hanging from his neck, snapped a picture of them, then he laughed as Maria leaned in and kissed Chase’s cheek in a cheesy pose, asking her brother for another picture, all while caressing Chase’s hair, pushing it back, and smiling at him like no one else existed in her world. For the love of god…

This little girl was going to end me today.

Before I could indulge in the beautiful image of cutting the cake using Chase’s face, my eyes landed on Lilly, right as she spotted me. Her eyes widened, like she hadn’t expected me to appear in a family-friendly setting, rightfully so. Then she jogged toward us, and before I knew it, she threw her arms around me.

Normally, I despise unsolicited hugs, but Lilly was on my short list, so I didn’t hate her hugs much and returned the gesture.

“Nathan, I didn’t know you’d be here!” she said, pulling back with a grin before her eyes slid to Aylin.

Then, to both my and my princess’s shock, Lilly leaned in and hugged Aylin. “Hey,” she said warmly.

Aylin stiffened in surprise, her eyes widening slightly before she hesitantly brought her arms up and hugged her back.

Lilly stepped back, all sunshine, happy and energetic, her gaze flicking between us. “What’s up?”

Trying not to strangle your boyfriend, sweetheart.

“Why are you here?” I asked instead.

Her eyebrows drew together. “Why are you here?” she countered.

I narrowed my eyes, and she narrowed hers right back. Before our glaring contest could escalate into violence, Maria’s little voice chimed in from across the lawn.

“Lilly is over there,” she was saying to Chase, probably, “she’s with Uncle Nathan and his wife.“

Well, well. Maybe I am going to forgive this tiny glitter-covered gremlin for ignoring me, just because she said that word, and god, was it worth it. I soaked in the priceless look it caused on Lilly’s face, and the utterly confused one on Chase’s as he walked closer, stopping a few feet next to his girlfriend.

“Wife?” Lilly squeaked, turning to me and then Aylin. “I haven’t been gone that long, have I?”

I shrugged, entirely unhelpful, and Aylin looked like she regretted every life decision that led her to stay here instead of taking my brilliant suggestion earlier to abandon the party. Her pinkish ears told me that, and more.

Lilly narrowed her eyes at me, leaned in, and muttered only for me, “Don’t you dare get married before me. I’ll never forgive you.”

I chuckled and winked. “How could I?”

She crossed her arms dramatically and stepped back, which finally gave me a clear line of vision to her dear boyfriend.

“Chase,” I said, in acknowledgment only.

He met my gaze with a very unimpressed one, violence humming behind that prince-charming façade he wears like some moral badge of honor. He probably remembered the last time we interacted, when he nearly punched me in my own apartment after I so innocently exposed him. Oh, sweet memories.

Maria leaned forward from his arms, tapping Lilly’s shoulder. “Lilly,” she said, grabbing her attention, “you don’t need to make me babies anymore.”

She pointed at me and Aylin, her voice pure sunshine and delight, “Uncle Nathan and his wife will make me a bunch of babies.”

Lilly blinked, slowly, then turned to me, then to Aylin, and then back to Maria. She sighed, “I am so confused right now,” she muttered, shaking her head, having no energy to question it.

Before I could revel in the chaos any further, Natalie called everyone over, announcing that they were about to cut the cake. Then, the cherry on top of my emotional sundae, I watched Nikolas walk up and harshly snatch Maria straight out of Chase’s arms, like he just noticed she was attached there.

“Give me back my daughter,” he grumbled, glaring daggers at Chase, who in return couldn’t seem less bothered, as if so used to this.

Nikolas threw him another annoyed look before walking away with Maria, still muttering something that sounded so much like a threat under his breath.

I felt my smile grow, and grow, and fucking grow. Finally, someone who also wasn’t hypnotized by prince charming’s polite little-boy act, someone else who got irritated by his presence.

Someone else whose blood pressure spiked whenever Chase breathed.

This alone made me want to add Nikolas to my short list of people I tolerate.

We gathered around as Maria jumped, clapped, twirled, and made about a hundred wishes before finally blowing out the candles, ever the energetic bomb she is. Then she snatched the biggest slice of cake and dashed off to her pack of similarly tiny, chaotic creatures, eating and talking, and jumping, all of them high on sugar.

“Oh, Aylin, hey,” I turned at the voice, my eyes landing on Chase’s mother as she called for my princess.

Aylin smiled back at her, all polite and glowy. “Hey, Auntie Katherine, how have you been?”

The woman enveloped her in a warm, quick hug. “I’m good, sweetie. How are you? I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever.”

“All is good,” Aylin said, flustered in that sweet way of hers, “yeah, it’s been a while.” Her eyes flickered to Chase’s father, and she offered him a soft smile. “Hey,” she said gently.

He offered her a small smile that didn’t last a full second when his eyes went to me. The confusion in his eyes died quickly, replaced with disinterest, as if he decided on the spot that I wasn’t worth the psychological effort of figuring out how I belonged here.

A huffed breath escaped him before he looked around, visibly annoyed, like he’d rather be anywhere else than this kid’s party.

That’s when Alex paused next to him, muttering something about grabbing a drink after this whole ordeal ended, confirming my theory that everyone here was forced into attending, just like I was.

Alex’s gaze eventually slid to me, and he flashed me that familiar pointed look, the one that said he’d love nothing more than to wrap his hands around my neck and choke me out, but something inconvenient kept stopping him from living his dream of ending my life.

His expression softened a fraction when he looked at Aylin. “Hey, kiddo,” he said warmly.

“Hey, Uncle Alex,” she said, smiling back, ever so respectful.

He waved her off immediately. “No need for uncle. I’ve known you since you were a kid.” His brows pulled together as he gave her a once-over. “I remember you being a good kid. So why in god’s name would you grow up and end up hanging around with the likes of him?”

He didn’t even attempt subtlety as he pointed at me.

Aylin’s eyes flickered to me, a silent question hidden in them. I shrugged, utterly unbothered. “I don’t have the best reputation around here,” I told her.

Chase’s mother smacked his arm, trying to silence him. “Alex,” she hissed, her eyes widening.

“What?” he said, genuinely confused. “The girl went from Chase…to this.” He pointed at me once more with utter disgust. “That’s basically a loud cry for help.”

He turned back to Aylin, his eyes squinting with concern, as if I were holding her at gunpoint. “You sure you’re okay, kiddo?”

If possible, Aylin moved even closer to me, her arm curling tighter around mine, like she’d just chosen her side in front of them all.

“Yeah, I’m okay,” she said to Alex, her lips lifting in a soft, sure smile. “Actually, Nathan treats me better than anyone ever did.”

My eyes fell on her, fully taken aback, not quite used to her taking my side or defending me in any way. The devil in me didn’t just smile, no, he clawed his way up, stretching inside my ribs, wanting to come out and devour her whole for saying that.

Better than anyone ever did.

Damn right I do.

Alex’s eyebrows pulled together at that. He muttered something under his breath that earned him another smack from Katherine. Then he shot me one very bored look, already losing interest in my existence far too fast.

I ignored him right back.

Aylin’s eyes flickered back to mine, and I couldn’t stop the smile dragging itself onto my lips as I gazed down at her. It took everything in me not to lean down and bite her mouth, to taste the precious smile she was giving me and no one else.

She leaned in and whispered, only to me, “Told you, this is a different smile.” She muttered, her gaze dropping to my lips, addressing our previous conversation.

Fuck yeah, with her, it is.

I made sure to steer my princess away from those people before they slipped and confessed all of my crimes to her. I liked having her on my side, and I wasn’t planning on changing that anytime soon.

On our way, I paused beside little Nathan, who was fully focused on his camera and poking at the buttons. I slapped a hand over his shoulder, playfully, but enough to startle him.

“Goddammit—” he grumbled, turning around to glare at me.

“Language, kid,” I said, playfully. “I’m your uncle. Show some respect.” I squeezed his shoulder for emphasis.

His eyebrow raised, and he shook his head, letting the camera hang from his neck as his gaze flicked from me to my princess.

I took over the introduction fast, “Little Nathan, this is Aylin,” I said, “Princess, this little Nathan,” I said, “Since he’s carrying my name, I’m planning to shape him into a mini version of me. What do you think?”

“It’s just Nathan,” he deadpanned, hating the ‘little‘ part with his entire soul.

“You’re little me, after all,” I insisted.

He huffed out a sigh and shook his head.

Aylin’s eyes softened the longer she looked at him. “It’s so nice to meet you,” She told him, and he politely replied, “Likewise.”

Her head tilted, curious about him, for some reason. “Are you in college?” She asked.

He nodded, “First year, just started actually,” He answered.

“What are you studying?”

“Law,” He said, “Criminal law.”

“Oh wow,” I said, genuinely surprised. “You’re studying that so you can get me out of prison when they finally catch me?”

He turned to me, smiling sweetly and ever so fake. “No, actually, I am studying it so I can put you in prison.”

I chuckled and threw my arm around his shoulder, pulling him closer. You know what, I am adding this kid to my short list. I seem to tolerate his presence a lot.

His lips twitched as he looked up at me. “You know…Dad and Uncle Ronald made a bet on you.”

I rolled my eyes, “Yeah, I know, they need to get a job.”

He chuckled, “That’s exactly what I told them.”

I smiled and ruffled his hair, messing it up as usual, but he instantly grumbled and slapped my hand away.

I reached for the strap of his camera, flicking it between my fingers. “So,” I said, “you like photography?”

He nodded, “Yeah, more like a hobby.” He lifted the camera, scrolling through the shots he’d taken, mostly Maria wreaking havoc like a pink hurricane. “Wait a second,” he muttered, his thumb tapping until he paused.

He clicked on something, then lifted the camera for me to see.

It was a shot of me and Aylin, capturing the little moment I’d leaned in and kissed her cheek, right before our little argument.

Little Nathan’s blue eyes flicked up to mine, glinting with pure mischief, all knowing and annoyingly perceptive.

I narrowed my eyes at him. “You know,” I muttered, “photographing people when they’re not looking is creepy. You really are taking after me, aren’t you?”

He grinned, shaking his head. “It looked like a good shot. I couldn’t help it.”

It was a great shot, indeed. So annoyingly perfect. Anything that included my princess was, anyway.

“You’ll send me that?” I asked.

His grin widened, ever so smug, “Sure,” he said, then winked. This kid was getting bold.

Natalie called for him a moment later, asking for more pictures, and he excused himself before he darted off.

Just then, Lilly wandered over with a plate of cake, already digging into it. She stopped beside Aylin, “You know,” she said between bites, “Sally is planning to come to Paris next month, we said we’d have a whole girls’ night out,” She added, “Why don’t you come too? It’d be like what we always dreamt about as kids.”

Aylin blinked, quickly hiding the shock at the unexpected invitation and sudden affection. She smiled, “Yeah…uhm, let me see if I can arrange that.”

Lilly nodded her head, ever so pleased.

Then her eyes flicked to me, and I raised a brow in question. She shrugged, as if to say don’t read into it. Yeah, right. I could bet that her sudden warmth toward Aylin had something to do with our last conversation when I visited her.

Lilly kept on talking, just being herself, then looped an arm around my princess and tugged her away from me, pulling her toward her mother and the rest of the family. Aylin gave me a tiny smile over her shoulder as she went away.

I watched them leave, utterly unimpressed.

The second she was out of reach, something twisted unpleasantly in my chest.

I inhaled sharply, scanning the place, suddenly disoriented without her by my side. I shoved my hands into my pockets and wandered inside in search of the kitchen for a sip of water, or anything that wasn’t pink.

I paused in the doorway when my eyes landed on Nikolas pouring himself a drink.

“Isn’t drinking at kids’ parties frowned upon?” I asked.

He picked up his glass, turned toward me, and grumbled, “How else do you think I’m supposed to survive all that pink monstrosity outside?”

My lips twitched because his misery matched mine. The man looked annoyed, exhausted, socially drained from pretending to be normal for far too long…all things I could respect.

He settled onto a stool, and I took the seat across from him, grabbing the bottle, finding the nearest glass, and pouring myself a generous amount as well.

I extended my glass forward and clicked it against his. “Cheers,” I said before I took a large gulp.

He rested his glass on the counter, his eyes dragging over me thoughtfully, and I stared right back.

“So,” he said, already seeking answers, “why does her grandfather want you dead?”

I shrugged, took another sip, and leaned back. “Well, do I look like the perfect boyfriend you’d want around your granddaughter?”

Nikolas gave me a slow once-over, then nodded once, “Makes sense.”

He took another sip, his finger tracing the rim of his cup, his expression unreadable. “Still,” he pointed out, “Why were you researching them in the first place?”

“You know,” I said, lifting a brow, “your obsession with me is becoming a bit unhealthy. Do you track everything I do, or what?”

He shot me a completely unfazed glare. “No, I’m trying to make sure you don’t fuck up again, that’s all.”

“Well, to answer your question,” I said, “tell me, did you not research Natalie’s entire family before you wifed her up?”

His jaw ticked.

I smirked, my tone dripping mockery. “Actually, you researched so hard you almost adopted me, remember?”

Even if he doesn’t, I do. I still remember it all, like it was yesterday. I was young, but cursed with a memory that refuses to forget anything, especially the things it should.

He exhaled sharply through his nose, ever so irritated.

Every word that came out of my mouth seemed to trigger some dormant nerve inside him. Good.

“What I’m trying to say,” he grumbled, “is that the man clearly wants you dead, and if I hadn’t interfered that day, you would’ve been dead.”

“Are you waiting for a thank-you?” I asked, shaking my head. “Because I don’t give those.”

His jaw clenched once again. I wondered how long before he slammed the glass he was holding straight into my skull.

“If you need help with this, I am here, that’s all.” He said it quickly, as if to get it off his chest fast, almost like it cost him something to force those words out.

My lips curved up, “Aww, are you worried about me?”

His eyebrows pulled together in disgust. “God, no,” He grumbled, “But if you die, Natalie is going to cry a lot, and I don’t really like her tears.”

My eyebrows pulled together, something clicking in a very inconvenient part of my brain. “So that’s…a general thing?” I muttered thoughtfully. “Because I don’t like her tears either.”

“Natalie’s tears?” Nikolas asked, confused.

I grimaced. “What, no,” I said. “She could drown in her own tears for all I care. I meant my—”

Before the words could even escape, something slammed into my face, a cloth he had thrown at me, the closest thing he found that wasn’t sharp enough to kill. I groaned and yanked it off, glaring at Nikolas as he pinned me with a deadly look. I scoffed. Ever the protective husband.

“I meant Aylin,” I pointed out, “I also don’t like her tears, so that’s a general thing, huh, good to know.” I mumbled, speaking my thoughts out loud, “Anyway, what else is there?” I asked, genuinely curious for once. “Teach me more.”

He looked double confused, “What?”

“Like…do you happen to suddenly apologize without noticing?” I asked, trying to connect the psychological dots. “Because I have no idea where the hell that sorry word came from earlier.”

My lips curled up in annoyance. “I mean, I’ve done far worse things in my life and never felt the need to apologize.”

To help him grasp my confusion, I pointed directly at him. “For example, I pushed your son off a cliff and never apologized to you.”

His stool screeched violently as he stood. He slammed his glass down and stalked over to me.

“Do you like being fucking punched?” he growled, grabbing my collar and hauling me up from my seat. “Because the way you purposely trigger me is unnatural.”

“Hey, hey—this is my favorite shirt,” I said, gripping his wrist and prying at his fingers. “I’m just trying to understand.”

“Understand what?” he snapped.

“These types of feelings,” I said, and for once, I wasn’t being sarcastic. For once, I was genuinely and terrifyingly confused.

He froze for a fraction of a second, his eyes scanning every inch of my face, analyzing, dissecting, and diagnosing. Then his grip loosened, and he let me go.

I exhaled sharply and fixed the collar he’d crumpled. Asshole.

“You see, things like rage, anger, fear, those I get. Those I can predict. I can tell when someone’s about to scream, or run.” I explained, “I’ve spent my whole life reading that shit on other people.”

I lifted my shoulders helplessly. “But this—whatever this is. It’s like my brain can’t run the software,” I said, annoyed as ever. I don’t like it that my control is slipping, that I am unable to make sense of all the factors and settings around me.

I pointed to my temple. “It’s buffering. I have a lag, and I don’t like it.”

Nikolas blinked, slowly, never breaking eye contact, like someone just handed him the last puzzle piece he’d been missing.

“Jesus Christ,” he muttered with a low voice, as if he had reached a conclusion that I hadn’t seen yet. “You really don’t have a clue, do you?”

“None,” I said honestly. “Not a single one.”

Then, he did something unexpected. His lips twitched before he laughed, he…laughed. I thought he was not capable of that. Whoa. He actually laughs.

I stared at him, horrified.

He threw his head back, dragged a hand down his face, trying to contain himself. When he finally looked at me, there was this…pleased expression.

I frowned, “What’s so funny?”

He shook his head, his face way too relaxed for my comfort. “You really don’t know, do you?”

I shook my head, not grasping any of this. See, I was lagging again. Fucking emotional lag. I hated that.

“No,” I snapped. “Tell me.”

He shook his head, his smile growing bigger, “Oh no, I am not going to make this easier and tell you,” He said, being his usual asshole self, no surprises there, “Figure it out yourself.”

“I hate you, you know that, right?” I grumbled.

He nodded and tapped my shoulder fondly, “Me too, me too.”

I pushed myself away from him, still glaring. What’s with him? I liked it better when I was the one triggering him, not the other way around.

“Who knew I was gonna live to see this day, huh,” he muttered, still amused.

“See what?” I grumbled.

He just chuckled to himself, maddeningly pleased. This infuriating human being.

Before I could punch him, little hurried footsteps echoed through the kitchen. Thankfully, one more comment from him and I really would’ve snapped.

My eyes fell on Maria as she came running inside, laughing like a tiny fugitive fleeing a scene of a crime.

She stopped when she saw us. “Daddy,” she squealed, and Nikolas instantly scooped her up, kissing her head and melting into a different human being entirely. “My beautiful birthday girl,” he said, brushing her hair back. “Stop growing up, okay? This much is enough.”

She giggled, “But daddy, I will grow more,” She said matter-of-factly.

That wiped the smile off his face. Good. I hope he suffers.

Maria’s eyes flicked to me, and she beamed, all sunshine, dimples, and pink chaos. I shot her a glare, still salty.

Her eyebrows scrunched in confusion. “Uncle Nathan?” she mumbled, suddenly sad, then wriggled out of Nikolas’s arms. He let her down, and she padded over to me.

“I am mad at you,” I said.

Her eyes widened. “Why?” she whispered.

“Because you stayed with Chase and ignored me.”

Her lips curled into the tiniest, most heartbreaking pout imaginable. She stepped closer and hugged my legs, “But…no,” she whispered. “I love you,” She added, looking up at me with those dangerously manipulative puppy eyes.

“Let’s make up?”

My lips twitched at her vocabs, and I couldn’t help but pick her up into my arms. Her pout dissolved into a big smile, and she pressed her tiny hands to my cheeks. I moved my head and kissed the inside of her palm, “Okay, you’re forgiven, just never do that again.”

“But no, it’s different,” She muttered, as if to convince me.

“How different?” I asked, reveling in how she melted into my embrace, leaning into me, her little fingers playing with the sides of my hair.

“I love Chase, too,” She said.

My eye twitched.

She patted my cheek as if soothing me. “But it’s different.” She leaned in, lowering her voice, trying to make sure her father wouldn’t hear.

“Because,” she whispered, “I will marry him when I’m old enough.”

Nikolas heard her, nevertheless, and I watched the way the color left his face, gradually.

He rubbed at his chest and winced, “So yeah, that’s how I am going to die.”

Normally, I would enjoy his misery, thrive in it, roll around in it.

But this?

This particular nightmare scenario annoyed the fuck out of me, too.

“You are not marrying anyone—”

“You are not marrying anyone,” Nikolas and I said at the same exact time.

He snatched her out of my arms, glaring down at her. She crossed her arms over her chest, glaring right back at us both. “I will.”

“No,” I shot back, “And especially not that…” I tried not to swear, “especially not Chase.”

She huffed dramatically, shaking her head at us like we were the unreasonable ones, “You both are mean.”

“Yeah, deal with it,” Nikolas said flatly.

She narrowed her eyes at him, “I am gonna tell mommy about you,” She muttered, ever so threateningly, before she pushed out of his arms. She looked at us both, ever so betrayed, before she scurried off.

Nikolas’s jaw ticked as he watched her disappear around the corner. “You want my advice?” he grumbled.

“No,” I said automatically.

He ignored me.

“Do whatever Ronald did,” he said, rubbing his face. “And never have kids.”

He grabbed his glass, drained what was left in one long suffering swallow, and marched back outside.

I stayed where I was. His words kept me in my place, for some fucked up reason. The image hit me before I could block it. The image of a tiny girl, with Aylin’s green eyes, her soft hair, her face…fuck, it slammed into me so hard I forgot to breathe.

That muscle beneath my ribs clenched so fucking tight I winced.

I rubbed at my chest, annoyed at myself, annoyed at this entire day, annoyed at the whole world.

“Get a fucking grip, will you,” I muttered to myself before I walked back outside.

⊹˚₊‧────────────‧₊˚⊹

“What are you doing?” I said, leaning on my elbows, watching as Aylin wiped her face with a wet cotton thingy. It was ridiculous how fascinated and crazily interested I was by every tiny thing she did.

Aylin blinked at me through the mirror. “Cleaning my makeup,” She said.

After that hell of a party finally ended, after children screamed, Chase breathed too much, and Nikolas had a midlife crisis, I dragged my princess back to my place.

And yes, dragged. She fought me on it, like she does on everything else, insisting she needed to go to her place. Yeah, cute of her to assume I would ever let her stay away from me.

I ended up convincing her, and by convinced, I mean I put her in my car, her skirt bunched up and her thighs trembling, moaning my name as I dealt with the day’s disaster in the only way I know how.

My deal was simple as I fucked her: If I make her orgasm, we go to my place. If she doesn’t, she wins.

And now she’s in my bathroom.

So take a wild guess who won.

I leaned closer and took the cotton pad from her.

“Can I?” I asked.

She shot me a confused look as I gently dragged the pad across her cheek, and some pinkish color smeared into the cotton.

“Whoa,” I muttered. “What’s that?”

She chuckled. “Makeup.”

“Well,” I said, concentrating, “let me expose your real beauty to the world.”

She shook her head with a soft smile, amused at my nonsense.

“You need to press harder,” She said, “You’re too gentle, it won’t go away like that.”

My eyebrows pulled closer, and I shook my head, offended at her words. “No,” I muttered as I let go of the cotton wipe.

I held her face between my hands, “This face is too delicate, you need to be very gentle with it,” I brushed my thumb over her bruising cheek, the faint mark she kept trying to pretend didn’t hurt.

“I don’t want anything bad happening to this pretty face ever again.”

I leaned in and pressed a featherlight kiss to her bruise. Inside me, something ugly and violent and protective coiled tight, vowing that this would be the first and last bruise I ever let form on her skin. I’ll incinerate the world before it happens again.

Her gaze softened, melting around the edges, and she looked up at me like she couldn’t find the right words, like she didn’t understand half the things beating in her chest.

Well, neither did I.

We were both idiots in this.

So instead of speaking, she rose on her tiptoes and pressed a small, soft kiss to my lips.

“If we put aside your overbearing jealousy that makes me want to strangle you…” Her eyebrow arched. “…I had a really nice evening. Thank you for taking me along.”

I groaned loudly, throwing my head back in annoyance. She rolled her eyes. “Again with that?” she snapped, “You really hate it when I say thank you?”

“I don’t want you grateful,” I grumbled.

“Then what do you want me to be?”

I lifted a brow, not missing a beat. “Wet. Legs spread. Moaning my name. Can’t that be enough?”

Her eyes narrowed, “The way you ruin every sweet moment we have.”

“Good,” I said, leaning in. “Because I’m not sweet.”

She nodded, convinced, “Definitely not,” she said, “I actually liked that fleeting moment we were almost having.”

“Well, I made it better,” I said.

“You made it filthy.“

I shrugged. “Synonyms.”

She raised her hand like she wanted to scratch me, her nails ready to bury themselves into my skin, but she held herself back and groaned loudly, retracting her claws. She shot me a glare before she returned to the sink, aggressively washing her face, while cursing me under her breath.

I smiled, and once she was done, I scooped her up in my arms. A startled gasp slipped out of her lungs as I tossed her onto my bed, her body bouncing once before she buried her face in the pillows with a muffled, outraged huff.

I climbed in next to her, caging her in without touching her, yet.

“Can you stop manhandling me like this?” she demanded.

I leaned in and pressed a kiss to her lips. “Can’t do.”

She immediately slapped my hand away when it started traveling beneath my sweater that she was wearing. She’d tried to bring pajamas from her place earlier, and I took them from her hands and threw them right back into her closet. No way. I needed her to wear my shirts only all the damn time.

“God, you are insatiable,” She muttered, “I am tired and I have to wake up early for my flight, so keep your hands where I can see them.”

I frowned, “You’re no fun.”

I leaned back against the headboard and opened an arm, “Come here, at least.”

She gave me a suspicious look before she edged toward me, fitting perfectly into my arms. Her head rested against my chest, her body easing into me like this was where she belonged.

I slid my hand into her hair, brushing it away from her face, letting my fingers slip through the strands in slow, soothing strokes.

I leaned down and pressed a kiss to the top of her head.

“Thank you for coming with me today,” I muttered, my voice quiet. “You made it bearable.”

She lifted her head, smiling softly at the shift in my tone. Then her expression changed, the mischief flickering, and she fake-glared at me.

With a fake British accent, she imitated me and said, “Don’t say that word.”

I chuckled, “Why?”

“I don’t want you grateful,” she mocked my earlier line, in her terrible accent, so damn ridiculous I wanted to eat her up.

My lips twitched. “Then what do you want me to be?” I said, putting on an overly proper American accent just to commit to her bit.

She paused, her brows furrowing, trying to improvise. “I—I can’t say your words,” she said, wrinkling her nose. “They don’t work for me. I definitely don’t want your legs spread, and I’m pretty sure men don’t get wet—”

“—but,” she added, her confidence returning, “I could agree with you moaning my name.”

I chuckled and leaned down, catching her bottom lip gently between my teeth, just a playful bite, because she was edible, absolutely edible.

God, she was ridiculously adorable, and as I looked at her, a terrifying thought hit me. How the hell did I live before her? Really, how? I don’t seem to recall that period of time at all.

She relaxed back into my arms, wrapping her arms around my waist and burying her head against my chest. I resumed playing with her hair, threading my fingers through the soft strands.

For a while, neither of us spoke.

Then, in a small voice, she murmured, “Lilly was…different today.”

“Bad different?” I asked quietly.

She shook her head against me. “No. Good different.” Her fingers curled lightly into my shirt. “It felt almost like the old times.”

A long breath left her nose, warm against my chest. “I really missed her, you know,” she whispered, letting me into a part of her she usually kept hidden from me. “It was my fault only, the way we drifted apart. I’m not going to lie…my envy of her made me feel like I hated her, at one point.”

She swallowed, her voice softer. “But she was the only real friend I had.”

She lifted her gaze to me, “Do you think she would ever forgive me?”

I brushed my thumb along her cheek, nodding. “I’m pretty sure she already did, in some way.”

I kept stroking her hair, “You should go there next month like she said,” I said gently. “Spend some time with her. I think it would help you both get closer again.”

She nodded, “Yeah, I will see if I can take a couple of days off work.”

I let my hand slide down her back, “And maybe after that,” I murmured, “I can take you to England. Show you where I grew up.”

Her smile softened, it curved higher, and she nodded, “Sounds great.”

I mirrored her smile, “It’s a plan, then.”

She melted into my arms after that, her body relaxing completely against me.

A few minutes passed. My hand drifted from her hair to her neck, brushing slow circles over her skin, and that’s when I felt it.

The movements of my fingers paused when I sensed the shift.

It was barely a change at first, subtle as a breath, but I’ve learned her patterns. I’ve memorized them like survival codes.

“Aylin,” I murmured, almost to myself, testing the waters. “What time is your flight tomorrow?”

She didn’t answer.

My jaw tightened instantly, painfully. I closed my eyes, gathering my strength, because I was weak in the face of this.

I pried my eyes open, my gaze flickering to her in my arms, her eyes still open, but blank. No, it was beyond blank, focused somewhere far, far away, locked onto something I couldn’t see.

Her mind had slipped its tether again, detached, dissociated, and just…gone.

I couldn’t pull her back, I knew that. No amount of shaking, calling her name, or begging would work.

So I did the only thing I could.

I held her tighter.

I buried my nose in her hair and exhaled slowly, like I could anchor myself to the scent of her, like maybe, somehow, it would anchor her too.

“I’ll figure out what’s happening in that head of yours, princess,” I whispered into her hair, “And we’ll get through it together, I promise.”

My throat burned, “It feels like this thing is trying to take you away from me,” I whispered. “But I’m not letting that happen.”

My hand stayed on her neck, two fingers resting lightly over the skin, feeling the way her pulse faltered, erratic, and just…wrong, like her body was trying to keep rhythm with two different worlds at once.

That’s how I always know she’s slipping.

I clenched my teeth so hard it hurt, fighting the urge to slam my head back into the wall, anything to distract from the helplessness spiraling through me. Being unable to do anything but wait? It was fucking torture.

That’s when—

“I should tell Dad…”

Her voice was faint, distant, like an echo coming from another room, another person.

My eyebrows pulled closer as I looked down at her, still gazing at the faraway distance, still lost in her head.

“Tell him what?” I asked, testing if she was hearing me, if she’d even answer me.

She blinked slowly, “About Riley,” she whispered.

My confusion grew, “Who’s Riley?”

She didn’t answer.

Her breathing hitched, like she was floating away from the present, slipping into old memories as if they were happening now.

“I should tell him…mom and grandpa are fighting again,” She whispered.

I brought my hand to her cheek, trying gently to tilt her face up toward me. Her eyes landed on mine, but she didn’t see me.

She looked right through me, past me, somewhere I could not reach.

In that world in her head, I didn’t exist.

I swallowed, my throat tight, and brushed my thumb over her cheek.

“Why were they fighting?” I asked softly, coaxing her, hoping that maybe understanding the past could help me piece together what was happening to her now.

She blinked once.

“Because of me,” she whispered.

A crack ripped through my chest.

“You?” I breathed. “Why?”

“Mom said to him that I’m not…normal.” Her voice was so quiet, each word falling like something broken. “And he gets angry when she says that.”

Her gaze dropped, unfocused.

“She told him that…that I am just like her.”

“Like your mother?” I asked, trying to understand.

“No,” She whispered, “Grandpa said that he loved me even more because I am like her.”

“Like who?”

“My grandma,” She mumbled lowly.

Her fingers twitched against my shirt. “He said he’d never let what happened to her…happen to me.”

My pulse hammered painfully.

“What happened to her?”

She didn’t answer me right away, but when she did, she carved a future I refused to accept, an image that scorched straight through my bones and cracked my world wide open.

“She killed herself.”

⊹˚₊‧──────────────────‧₊˚⊹

Author’s note:

So, who is gonna tell Nathan that he is totally and hopelessly gone for his princess? 😉

Even Nikolas figured it out before him lol.
Hopefully he’d figure it out before it’s too late, because you never know what may happen xD

Anyways, I hope you liked the chapter.

Also, what’s your favorite part about this story?

Mine is writing Nathan, it’s just so fun to be in his crazy head xD

That’s all for now.
See ya next week, hopefully 🩶